Full Moon
by Bethecat
Summary: This story takes place during New Moon, after Edward has left and Bella and Jacob are exploring their relationship. Bella learns that the people in her life are the ones behind the wheel. I have edited the final chapter and now I'm wondering it it were better to add to the existing story? Start a sequel?
1. Chapter 1

Does this story seem familiar to you? It might because it used to be known by another title, _Jacob and Bella_, which is now only the name of the first chapter, as it was meant to be. You don't have to reread anything. Everything is the same as it was except for some grammatical editing. Sorry to those of you have been reading this whole time hoping that Jake and Bells would eagerly rip each other's clothes off, which is all fine and good, but there are already plenty of other stories like that. If that is what you are looking for, you won't find anything like that here. This story is meant to explore why Bella feels the way she does, who she is, what makes her tick, and more importantly I am hoping to put Bella in a position to be doing some of the saving instead of alway staying put. Enjoy or don't. The best peeps are the ones who review as they go. Thanks to leelee24 who didn't forget about me.

Jacob and Bella

Chapter 1

My ancient truck roared to life as I turned the key in the ignition. Today for the first time, I would visit Jacob without an agenda because the unrelenting rain had forced us to cancel our long awaited test drive of our newly rebuilt motorcycles. Last night I couldn't sleep, stirring with excitement, tossing and turning; overwhelmed by the anticipation of our excursion. Then the sky was over cast but no rain was falling. This was not a first for Forks, but rare. Disappointedly I dressed for the day. All the while emptiness filled my chest strangling any fleeting attempt at daredevil happiness. I would not hear Edward's voice today.

The drive to the La Push was uneventful. Large drops of rain, typical of Forks, bombarded the windshield. The wipers of my Chevy swept back and forth. Trees raced past my windows. I listened to the low hum of the tires on the road. Having nothing to look forward to made life monotonous. Soon I would pull into Billy Black's driveway. Jacob, my safe harbor, my sun, is the only distraction I've had since Edward left. Charlie was elated at the match. Little did he know that this paring was frayed, incomplete, because I'm incomplete. Jacob is not only a distraction. He is being used to feed my emptiness. I couldn't let him get used to this. The guilt widened into the depths of my chest, which I preferred to ignore. _I am a bad friend._

The Black House was still and quiet. Billy was likely seated in his wheelchair, parked in front of his TV, watching whichever Washington team was in season. Though he had faced raising his only son without his wife, with two grown twin daughters, Billy Black was resilient in a way I could only envy. He was this even when just only sitting in front of the television. Jacob is strong like his father. Charlie is right that Jacob and I are good together. He is wrong that I am good for him.

I got out of the truck. I wanted to avoid making fishing and sports small talk with the Black patriarch. I walked instead around to the back of the house in search of Jacob. His "garage" was made of two sheds combined to make one large room and was now, for the time being, completely silent. I frowned thinking that I may have to find Jacob in the house after all. I wanted anything else more then to stand before Billy Black a gapping hole of despair and shame, because he knew that I longed for my love back, his enemy, and not his only son. One thing that I could count on. Charlie didn't talk much, but he talked to Billy.

As I approached the door of the garage an expletive rang out followed by the sound of metal, probably tools, crashing to the garage's dirt floor. I rushed through the door to find Jacob sprawled on all fours, a metal tray turned over, having fallen from the passenger seat of his Volkswagen Rabbit. _A Classic_, he would have added for good measure.

He looked up surprised at my sudden urgency, having rushed through the door. While his crooked smile beamed, my guilt became a canyon. "Bells" he said excitedly gathering up the rest of his mess, tossing tools indiscriminately onto the metal tray, still on the floor. "Figures," he said. "Tripped over my own feet," hanging his head as if it were an apology. Jacob stood to his full height constructing a towering shadow. I could still see his white teeth flashing from his wide smile so completely contrasting his dark skin and black hair framing his face.

"Sorry everything's a mess today Bells," Jacob apologized. All I could think is, _he is apologizing to me?_ I realized then that I was still standing there, my feet frozen to the floor, not having said anything to him, despite my excited entrance. I hated myself more for his apologies. I wanted so badly to deserve, to be the person Jacob believed me to be. Instead I was a shell of that person and he filled in for what Edward had taken from me. I merely filled in for the girl that Jacob should admire. One he would deserve.

Before he could eek out another apology for something not even worth mentioning, I approached him. I was going through all the motions but still had nothing to say. His smile faded as I moved into his shadow. Nervously he turned and grabbed an oil covered rag to wipe his hands. I saw behind him the red paint of my motorcycle standing still lonely next to his refurbished Harley Spirit, a perfect metaphor to our friendship. Together, locked in by the rain.

Awkwardly Jacob stepped forward and took both my hands in his. A typical gesture. His smile widened again but faded quickly a serious look crossing his face. I was not talking and that was making him nervous.

"Waz up?" he asked still grinning.

"Just coming for a visit," I responded trying to ease the tension. Relief spread across his face like warmth. Tension dripping away. _It worked._ _I need to keep talking._

"Yeah, too bad 'bout the rain," he repeated, this time, to my relief, not apologizing. He pouted, flirting with me, as he would on any ordinary day. He released my hands when I didn't flirt back. _Poor Jacob._ _Tried and true._ He stared into my face. The vortex in my chest opened wide to receive the guilt for the way he was looking at me. This was worse than any apology. He tolerated my lack of reciprocity with patience. I had lost a few years according Jacob's brand of age equivalency. I was a child. Dependant.

When Jacob turned away unable to face me, seemingly embarrassed, I frowned to myself quickly, determined to move on. Salvage the day. Make an effort. "So what are we doing today", I asked. Jacob faced me again, the lines in his face hidden in shadow. This brought back the reality that I am still here to see him. Effort in the moment. He bent back down to pick up his tools; I couldn't identify which, his face moving in and out of the florescent light. His pony tail had been pulled loose and errand strands clung to the sides of his face making him look tousled and excited. He lifted the tray looking casual but not hiding his deep thought, "hmm," he vocalized, thinking aloud. Not like Jacob. Being with Jacob and getting this response, one I was not at all used to, I made a greater effort to push all thoughts of Edward from my brain. How could I explain to my best friend that the excitement he exposes me to evoke hallucinations of my ex. "Cullen", Jacob would have said with scorn masked in sympathy.

Jacob's actions betrayed him thinking as highly as he did of me. "I could show you what work I've done on my Rabbit," he offered looking over his shoulder to see my reaction tossing the oily rag into the shadow of the garage. I nodded feigning interest and he jumped to his feet again, gracefully for such a gangly young man. "Well," he began tinkering with the engine components I didn't recognize, "and this connects here to the…" he smiled as I nodded again to show how acutely he held my attention. "To make the engine turn over…" I tilted my head pantomiming the movement of his hands, not following his words. "and now it's fueled with puppy blood." I nodded again, too late to realize what he was doing.

"I'm sorry…I…I." All I could do was get away. I turned on my heels, a dangerous maneuver for me in a typical situation, a ridiculous idea seeing as Jacob was so much taller then me now. My quick four strides to the door were merely two quicker ones of his. I felt his hands close around my waist, a familiar touch but with much warmer hands. "You don't have to leave. I understand how distracting it can be locked in the same room with a handsome guy like myself," he said laughing through his smile at his own joke. His confidence was confusing. New.

"I just can't explain what is going on because there's nothing going on," I lied, making a mental note to practice making sense when lying to my best friend. The hole in my chest was testing my limit.

"This about Cullen?" he said, I perceived with scorn, no sympathy.

"I…" I hesitated. "I don't want to hurt your feelings," I said giving honesty a try again. Lying wasn't working in my favor.

"Bella, I'm not going to tell you that talking about your feelings for Cullen won't hurt _my_ feelings but the simple fact is, you are here with _me_. Not to be rude or make you feel worse, Bella, but I have a better chance then he does, despite your feelings. I'm right here."

As he said this he grasped my right hand in both his large ones, raising it to his face. He held my hand against his cheek gently emphasizing his proximity. Without warning my eyes began to water, still staring into his. He lowered my hand, held in his, to the level of his waist. I pulled away uncomfortable with the gesture.

"Jacob, I love you, but I cannot choose you by default. You are more then someone's second choice." Now I was crying.

Jacob thought for a second. His eyes narrowed nearly unnoticeable and he smiled again, "see I've got you again Bella, because we could just be with each other for practice."

My mouth hung open at his proposition. I was shocked and angry. My tears of sadness, emptiness became tears of anger in an instant. I turned to walk out but Jacob grabbed my shoulder stalling my escape yet again.

"Ah, there is the fiery Bella I love."

"You have no right… to…to…how…what…" I couldn't complete my thoughts into one meaningful sentence.

"Bella, I can't stand to see you moping around anymore. I'd rather see you mad at me then moping all of the time. Wasting all of you emotions on someone-" he paused. "You don't even know where he is. He's gone Bella. Gone."

"Jacob Black, you are incredulous."

"I-" he cut me off from completing my poorly formed thought, "haven't done anything wrong really. 'M jus' trying to get you out of your funk. Let's just go out- outside," he immediately clarified. He must be afraid I would leave angry, despite what he says, I noticed, having made the effort to choose his words so carefully.

Jacob moved to pass me out the door. The anger had begun to melt away but the sting of his innuendos floated around in my head a swarm of intentions that he'd never admit to. He pulled me through the door by my hand and walked me toward my truck. "See she's still turnin' over," he commented, pointing toward my truck, advertising his advantages. _Jacob who can keep my truck running versus large gapping whole in chest._ He did have his appeal. "Yup" was my only dry response. "I maybe mopey but you're moody or manipulative. Haven't decided which," I commented without waiting for his reaction while pulling open the driver's side door. Jacob just shrugged his shoulders.

"Wait for me here. Be right back," he instructed leaving me at the truck. The screen door of the Black House was slamming shut on its spring before I could look up. _He's always in such a hurry._ I climbed into the driver's seat and waited. Jacob strutted from the house, its windows black revealing no secrets. A second or two later he appeared at the passenger side door.

"Bells, we're off," he said stepping easily into the truck next to me.

"Off to where?" I asked. _What is going on?_ I thought.

"First Beach-" he suggested.

I cut him off "Not in all this drizzle. I'd like to find a dry activity for today." I said with a shiver thinking of a day out in the rain, without the motorcycles. Not worth it was my final judgment.

Jacob stared at the windshield, his thinking seemingly hopeless. Defeated. First Beach was our trusty stand by. "Just drive, I guess," was his final suggestion.

We sat quietly, Jacob playing with his fingers nervously. For the first time I realized he'd gone into the house to wash the engine grease from his hands. Not feeling any better and literally headed no where, I pulled the Chevy to the side of the road, after having driven past countless trees, a green blur not from the arthritics speed of my Chevy, but from lack of concentration, than I realizing too late, having parked maybe a few yards from the entrance to the trail of Edward's meadow. I hadn't thought through this far. I was reacting emotionally not rationally. This was a new experience for me. My plans were never the best laid and here I was winging it disastrously. This was risky but I couldn't just pull back onto the road. That would reveal to Jacob another recollection of Edward. It would hurt Jacob. I don't want to explain this erratic behavior.

Without looking at him I erupted, emotional again, losing all grasp of rational thought, "what's going on?" I nearly screamed slapping my hands repeatedly against the steering wheel.

"Whoa. It's a good thing this truck can take a beating." Jacob reached for my hands again, restraining them to prevent further tantrums. "All I want is for you to be happy," he confessed. "Is this what we are talking about? You or me or us?"

"I wish I could do you that small favor, Jake. I am happy but I'm human," I admitted knowing he wouldn't understand the fullness of that truth. How different things would be if I weren't human, I wondered.

"I think I could make you more happy then you are right now, if you gave it a chance."

His words sunk into me. Was he right that Edward's absence was like his existence itself, eternal? That I should move on? I knew he was right but bringing myself to do that. To move on- I didn't have the strength yet. I was still bound with sadness, crippled by the hole, a constant reminder of what I loved and lost.

By my hand, Jacob pulled me closer to his body. I sunk into his chest. Silently he held me. I could feel him lean into me, smoothing my hair with his cheek, smothering his face into my hair, breathing in deeply. He did this repeatedly for what seemed like several minutes, the duration of which overwhelmed him and me with the intimacy of the moment. It felt nice to lose track of time.

Jacob's arm curved around my body. He continued to hold my hand, my elbow crooked, held to my chest. I could feel my heart pounding there. Jacob's hand became damp from sweat just sitting there with me a ball in his lap. Our breathing increased together, a synchronized pace. Suddenly I was in the moment. I wanted to cry but I was happy.

I lay there unmoving, welcoming the attention. Absorbed. There was no more abyss breaking me apart, draining my soul. No more repressed longing diverting my attention from where I am in the moment.

Jacob's left hand, I now realized had been resting on the bench of the truck, behind me. Very very slowly he tested my tolerance for this kind of attention. I was still thinking emotionally and the situation was feeding a baser instinct I hadn't tapped into. I nodded my head against Jacob's stomach encouraging the gentle caresses of my best friend. He laid his left hand on my hip. He waited for my refusal again and when none came he squeezed my right hand still held tight against my chest, in his right hand. I breathed in deeply. He returned the inhalation of air, his chest rising and falling with greater effect then before. We were no longer in synch.

Jacob's left hand trailed the length of my left side from my waist to my elbow, slowly. Then the progress of his hand increased up the side of my body quickening. A squeeze of my arm. A rub of my shoulder. With a slow and nimble gesture of his fingers he moved my hair exposing my neck. I could feel my pulse throbbing below my jaw line. He leaned his face down into the nest of my hair and pressed his lips against my neck. _I must be cold,_ I thought, feeling the heat of his skin against mine. I shivered again. I could only wonder what that communicated to Jacob. A second later, that question was answered. He was encouraged. He sighed. I turned my face toward his. He gently brushed his lips against my cheek. His eyes were closed. Not knowing what I was doing I shifted onto my back, keeping my head cradled in his lap and keeping his hand held tightly in my own, still against my chest. He opened his eyes as I repositioned. He locked his eyes on mine. Dark brown, shiny, wide.

"Jake?"

"Yeah."

"What are we doing?"

"Dunno, you brought me here. Goin' with the flow".

"Um, we can't...um, stay parked on the side of the road like _this_."

"Why not?"

"Um, my dad. Patrols. We'd get. We can't." I couldn't seem to speak a whole sentence today.

"Technically, we're not doing anything wrong yet," he defended or encouraged. Jacob didn't seem to be capable of doing anything "technically wrong" today from my standpoint, I thought sarcastically. I'm not sure what he was intending.

I closed my eyes to put two thoughts together. Opening my mouth to speak I felt his mouth crush against mine. I held firm for an uncalculatable amount of time. Feeling whole. Feeling warm. Happy. I kissed him back. It wasn't the slow and controlled kisses I was familiar with. It was wet and warm.

"Jake?"

"Yeah," he said pulling away looking more serious then I'd ever seen him. His eye lids half open.

"Not here."

"Okay."

I drove him home in silence.

The next day at school was the same as any other. I was neither pariah or popular. At lunch I sat with the usual crowd but I wasn't really there. School passed in a haze of books, assignments, blurred faces passing me in the hallway. I spoke syllables. Not words. No sentences. All half thoughts. My lips felt numb.

I went home, not having to work today, planning to catch up on homework, do laundry and eventually to prepare Charlie's dinner. I sat at the table working on my paper for literature while baking the casserole in the oven. The house was quiet except for the ticking of the oven as it preheated. It nearly was never this quiet. Usually there was a murmur of the TV with the occasional roar when a touchdown was made or a homerun scored. The silence was broken by a knock at the door.

"Bells?' Jacob said entering before I had a chance to get up.

"I'm in the kitchen, Jake."

Jacob entered the room with his backpack swinging from his hand. "I was taking the Rabbit for a test drive and thought that I might stop by and see if you wanted to study. It's not her maiden voyage yet. There's still some fine tuning, but all in good time." I bit my lip as he was talking. "Sure. I was just working on something. What time is it?" I bit my lip again. "5:30, 'bout," he answered.

"That's weird. Where's Charlie?" I thought out loud.

"Well guessing as I passed him as I was leaving my house, with dad and Harry and Sue. Also that note on the fridge says that he won't be home for dinner and that you should join us at my place." Jacob gestured toward the refrigerator. I must have opened and closed the refrigerator five or six times since I'd been home and not noticed the note there. I slapped my hand to my forehead. I wasn't used to being this oblivious.

"I'm guessing you've made enough for two?" he asked pointing toward the oven.

"Ah, yeah. Hungry? It's still gonna be a while but…"

"good." he said quietly under his breath.

"So, you're not hungry then?" I asked shaking my head.

"Not that. I just came by because I had a feeling you wouldn't come by my place, even with an invitation," he said tightening his lips together, frowning a little.

"I didn't know Jacob. Seriously. I don't know where my head has been the last couple days."

"That's why it's good. You aren't avoiding me then?"

"I haven't exactly had the opportunity yet," I said teasing.


	2. Chapter 2

Regulating

Chapter 2

It was all I could do to spend the evening with Jacob. We ate the casserole for dinner and worked on our respective homework projects. Jake even helped me by lugging a hamper of Charlie's dirty clothes downstairs to be laundered.

"You're welcome Bells," he said smiling. "What's the sense in havin' all these muscles if I can't find a reason to flex 'em around cute girls," he chortled.

"Jake, you're my best friend but it isn't because of these," I said touching his forearm as I took a step closer to him. "It's because of what's in here," I said placing my hand on his chest, over his heart.

"Oh, Bells, why'd you have to go and do that?" Jacob grimaced.

"What?" I said confused by his reaction. "It's the truth," I defended. "Are you being serious? I can't tell with you sometimes?" I questioned releasing my grip on his arm to step back to examine his face.

"You call me your 'best _friend_'," he sneered, emphasizing the word "friend".

"Since when is 'friend' a four letter word?"

"I dunno" he shook his head. "It's getting late. I've gotta go."

Jacob turned away from me toward the living room. There he threw his books and some papers into his backpack, obviously hurrying, the sound of paper getting rumpled and torn. His breathing was deep and quick.

"What? You're mad at me now?"

Jacob straightened to his full height to look at me. Our eyes met while I attempted to hide the waves of hurt crashing over me. His body language was like a novel I'd read before. His posture shifted, shoulders slumping forward, letting his head drop before he spoke. "You know, it is getting late and I'm getting tired," he said raising the strap of his backpack onto his left shoulder, his voice marred by insincerity.

_Sigh._ "What, you're not telling me something. It might as well be a bold faced lie, Jacob!" I said weakening my defenses. I wiped my eyes on the sleeves of my sweater. _I'm not going to cry with him today,_ I committed to myself, straightening my posture.

Jacob took a step toward me just as the lights from Charlie's cruiser pulled into the yard. Jacob shook his head. "I'm not mad, not at _you_. I gotta go Bells." He took another step toward me but I stepped back, putting distance between us again. _That's right my body language can read like novels too._

He sighed and pushed out the door just as Charlie was walking in. "Hey kids! Have a good nigh-. Oh, you're on your way out." Charlie said, caught off guard, as Jacob pressed passed him. Jacob didn't say anything. "Hey Bella, what's going on?" Charlie asked, looking to me for answers. "You kids have a fight?"

"No Dad."

"Yeah, looks like alls well here," he said sarcastically, a look of concern crossing his face. "It's okay, you can talk to me," he pushed as I gathered my school books from the floor in the living room.

"I'm going to bed," I said placing my foot on the first stair to go up to my room.

"Isabella Swan, you need to learn to confide in people," he challenged as I continued to climb the stairs.

"Yeah, well, I guess that's a card I drew from your deck, huh Dad," I scolded as I reached the top of the stairs. Charlie didn't respond verbally and I didn't look back to see the expression on his face. I went to my room and slammed the door. I sat on my bed, just breathing in and out for a minute of two, feeling ashamed. All these emotions- the rollercoaster, was becoming exhausting. I needed to try and keep myself more in check, but for the time being I was alone and that kept everyone safe from my emotional outbursts. I could work on repairing the damage tomorrow.

I got up and changed into my pj's, shut down my computer and turned off the overhead light in my room. Standing near the door I could hear that Charlie had already settled into his armchair and found something to watch on TV but outside there were headlights still pointing toward the house. I went to the window and moved aside the sheer yellow curtain.

There stood Jacob, in the rain, looking up at my room as he leaned against his car, his arms folded across his chest. He seemed unaffected at first but then briefly, his arms loosened when he saw me at the window. Quickly he regained his composure, returning to his original posture. I fixed the curtain and crawled into bed. I heard the sound of Jake's engine engage as he backed out of the driveway. His headlights created strange shadows that danced across the walls of my bedroom and then disappeared as I heard the Rabbit change gears again, the engine revving as he drove away. _Why say that you're leaving and then stay? Then again, why say you're staying and then leave?_

I didn't hear from Jacob for several days. I found it ironic that Jacob was worried that I was going to avoid him but he clearly just wanted to have the upper hand. Not to feel rejected. I was very quickly becoming sick of boys and their egos.

Despite this frustration, I did miss Jake. I had promised myself to set everything right again that night, after I had blown up at Charlie. Dad had said it was "alright" without any real understanding or need for further explanation. Teenage problems were never serious to adults so I preferred to avoid the whole issue if I could. I just wanted him to know that I was sorry. But concerning Jake, over and over again I played the exchange between him and me in my head and wasn't sure what I could have done differently. _What I would have done differently_. That's not to say that I didn't make an effort. Over the course of the past few days I made the obligatory calls and left several messages with Billy, who assured me that Jake was getting them. Billy actually sounded somewhat sympathetic. My last message on Wednesday night, delivered through Billy, was short and sweet: _Don't make me come over there_.

Thursday evening I was helping Mrs. Newton close up their sporting goods shop. I tossed my apron under the counter and rung out my register. It was a slow day, it being the middle of the week and it also hadn't stopped raining since Jake and I had to cancel our motorcycle plans. There had been no hikers and campers to open their wallets. After we closed for the day I said "goodnight" to Mrs. Newton and headed out the door to leave. Jacob was waiting for me at my truck. When he saw me come through the door he smiled so big it made me wonder if he realized that he was being an ass.

"Good evening Miss Swan," he said still smiling, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned against my truck in the drizzling rain.

"Hey Jake," I waved casually.

"Can I get a ride home?" he asked tilting his head and pointing with his thumb toward the truck.

"Yeah, sure," I said pulling open the driver's side door.

We drove down the road to La Push not speaking. Jacob was soggy from the rain and smelled of musk combined with old leaves and dirt, earthy. He cleared his throat several times but apparently something I was putting off was keeping him quiet. It was awkward. The silence. This was the first time I had ever regretted ripping the gifted stereo from the entrails of my dash. Jacob's breathing was steady. The heat from his body was fogging up the windows. The sound of the truck's heater overcame the falling rain.

The Black House was surrounded by forests. This place was a sanctuary. Quiet. I remembered briefly all the times I had come here to escape the hurt and then suddenly realized that I was pushing away something very important to me. _Or was I? _Wasn't it Jacob that had flipped out that he was my "friend"? Wasn't it Jacob who was being unreasonable? I wasn't sure when I had communicated any feelings otherwise, I thought. Suddenly, like the wind was knocked from my lungs my memories came back in a momentary flash. Images ran through my head of Jake and me: holding hands, talking, laughing, hugging, his hands on my back, gently stroking my arms, his face in my hair. _I am a bad friend. _At this recollection a hole began to burrow into my chest. I swallowed remembering this feeling from just a few days ago, realizing there had been a hiatus to the emptiness, like a headache returning from a reprieve which had been taken for granted.

There was only a single light on in the house from what I could see. "Bella, I need to speak with you," he said as I brought the truck to a stop. Jacob's voice was quietly pleading, like a whisper.

"Ah, Jake, it's late and I'm tired-" I cut myself off. I'd developed a bad habit around Jacob. Apparently I'd taken advantage of getting whatever I needed from him to the extent of whining. I remembered again that he was responding to my messages and I thought again about what I intended letting things go this far. _It was unintentional I determined._

"I don't know how to say what I want to say. Please don't be frustrated with me." I turned off the ignition. Jacob looked solemnly into his hands, curled in his lap. He was so big but delicate. I took for granted that he was shy despite his size. His feelings fragile. Really looking at him for the first time this evening I realized that since I'd last seen him his face has lost some of its roundness. His cheekbones were more pronounced. _Was he not eating? Don't flatter yourself. _Maybe it was the weak light casting strange shadows but remarkably he seemed bigger. The hem of his jeans sat above his ankles. His t-shirt fit tighter. He was taller again. "I don't know what's happening to me Bells," he confided.

I had to admit; I didn't disagree but said nothing. I just listened to him breath between words and sentences. "I didn't mean to storm out of your house the other night. I mean, I know I meant it 'cause I did it but I'm not sure why I became so upset."

"Are you upset with me now?" I questioned sincerely.

"No."

"S'okay Ja-"

Jacob raised his hand to silence me. "I'm not done. Please hear me out." He paused again and sighed, lowering his massive hands back into his lap again, staring into them as if gazing upon something precious. I resumed listening to his breathing like they were thoughts I could hear. "I want you to know that I am your friend."

I felt immediately like reaffirming my sentiments from Monday, "You are my-"

"No," he interrupted me again, raising his voice, his confidence slowly building. "You are my friend," he repeated, "but I need you to know something else". Jacob paused again sighing. The rain was picking up. The thudding against the Chevy's exterior was worthy of meditation. It was then that I noticed the windows of the truck were completely fogged over and Jacob's shirt was drying in large patches excluding the neckline of his tee, his wet pony tail leaving a trail down his left shoulder. "I don't do what I do, get angry," he paused again, "on purpose," his voice faded as he finished speaking. "I'm hurt. Hurting. I can feel it all through me," his face looked pained.

"Jake, you don't have to-"

"I don't have to?" he hesitated. "No this is the only way I can get you to understand." Jacob was playing with his fingers. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at me. The rain seemed to be expressing everything for us, what he was holding back. Jacob raised his voice over the percussion. "Bella, I'm ah," he breathed in deeply. "I'm in love with you."

I said nothing and just continued to listen as though there would be more to say. Jacob for all his hesitation and shyness slid across the seat of the truck, the heat of his body thickening the air in the cab. "I do." Jacob took each of my hands into each of his. I was mesmerized and flushed with heat. Whole. Jacob still held my hands and by them I pulled him to me. I put my lips against his, warm, full and soft. It was gentle and wonderful.

Jacob leaned his body into me. Our bodies not able to occupy the same space, I was pushed against the driver's side door. I felt two extremes; the heat of Jacob at my front and the cold rain pelting against the window at my back. He pulled away. When my lips were free I spoke without a second thought. "I love you too." Jacob smiled. "Please don't hurt me," I begged, staring into his face. He looked at me with sympathy. Compassion. We were in synch.


	3. Chapter 3

Minus Piece of Mind

Chapter 3

Friday passed as any other day would, cold, rainy and lacking in any overall excitement. I had an autopilot for school. I'd mastered the art of appearing to pay attention and blending in during my time in Arizona so I was rarely called on to participate in anyway during class. This is how life had been when I was in Phoenix. It was familiar and I didn't complain.

I passed in my paper for literature with relief during fourth period. Now all I had to do was wait and see what grade I would get back. No more rewording or editing. It was better this way. I could spend several wasted minutes out of each hour of each day at the computer trying to find the best way to express irony and truth in _She Stoops to Conquer_. It was a focused obsession. A distraction. Not noteworthy.

At lunch Mike was excited. He was a frequent flirt and whispered to me that we'd be working the same shift today. During the remainder of lunch Mike bounced around from chair to chair in the cafeteria yammering about some video game and weekend plans for disc golf.

At work, Mrs. Newton wanted both Mike and I on hand to move out some of the winter products because the spring products needed to be stocked. We laughed and joked sorting through last season's inventory. Mike talked mostly of college preparations, something I had been seriously neglecting. He confided that he thought that the reason he and Jessica couldn't make things work is because he is ready to date "more mature girls". "College girls," I corrected his meaning.

"My thoughts exactly," he smiled.

It was nice to converse with Mike like friends again. There was a time I worried that Mike and I wouldn't be friends once he got past his unrelenting flirtation with me. He and Jessica broke up for the first time shortly after Edward disappeared. Jessica's animosity manifested with evil stares and incoherent whispers between her and Lauren in the cafeteria, in the hallways, in classes we shared. Incredulous. This was during my "dark era" so I hardly noticed Jessica's hostility. Mike and Jessica's relationship had been on again off again many times. I wasn't overly concerned with who was dating who anymore, mostly because I'd lost track. The relationships at school were the equivalent of currency, constantly changing hands.

Jacob met up with me after work. I wasn't home five minutes before I heard his familiar knock and the sound of his voice calling my name as he was walking through the door. "Sup Bella, how was you day?" he asked walking though the door. His step was light, smile constant and his enthusiasm brought back faint recollections of someone I used to be. A person I was ready to embrace again. I beamed back at him as we sat quietly talking and holding hands, in the fading daylight of the kitchen. Together we chatted about our days. I told him of my relief since passing in my lit paper, my shift at Newton's and Mike's "college plans".

Jacob recapped his day by recollecting his boredom in class and the antics of him and his friends during their lunch period. I smiled shaking my head as Jacob described a food fight that ensued after hiding Quil's lunch under Leigh Clearwater's cafeteria chair. "None of like to talk to her if we can help it so Quil tried to take my lunch but, ah," he hesitated, "I'm bigger then he is. Didn't have a chance," Jacob said puffing himself up. I sincerely enjoyed Jacob's attempts to impress me with his blossoming masculinity.

Charlie was expected home soon so as Jacob talked I put together a salad and prepared pasta for dinner. I listened carefully when Jacob spoke about his friends and family. When he spoke of Embry or Quil he moved his body around a lot. He paced the floor or his hands flew about excited, as though he were reenacting the story he was telling. He was energetic. On the other hand I noticed as Jacob spoke of Billy, he sat tall and respectable. He was open but diplomatic about their relationship. Reverent. Jacob was a pure good person. Even when speaking of Leigh, whom he confessed he didn't like, his voice had a tone of sympathy, his quips without reproach.

"Well I hope everyone's satisfied with dinner," I remarked clearing plates to rinse in the sink.

"Awesome Bella!" Jake was, to no one's surprise, first to respond.

"Very good, thank you," Charlie commented as he got up from the table.

"Bells, I've been meaning to ask you," Jacob said clearing cups and silverware from the table. "Did you spill something in here?" he wrinkled his nose.

"No, why?"

"I'd swear its engine coolant or something. Maybe it's something you clean with. It seems like it's everywhere. Its giving me a headache, I think."

"Beats me," I said.

Jacob's eyes shifted left and right as he examined the floor. Nothing seemed wet. No residue. The floor was clean. "S'weird," he whispered. "Chief Swan, s'possible your cruiser may have a coolant leak? I can smell coolant like it's everywhere."

"Not my cruiser, Jake," Charlie responded confidently from the living room.

"Maybe Bella's truck," he thought aloud as he pulled his jacket from the hook.

"What are you talking about? I can't smell anything," I questioned, thinking his concern excessive.

"Be right back," he said pecking my cheek and then stepping out the door.

I watched Jacob's examination from the living room. He bent over and looked under the engine block. It had been raining so long the ground everywhere was wet, including under my Chevy and Charlie's cruiser. He looked under the hood, closed it again and then stared at the pavement searching for runoff. Puzzled, he returned to the house.

"That's weird. Everything's all set. I can smell it outside too, though."

"You okay?" I asked watching Jacob's face flush before my eyes, starting to burn up.

"Ya' know, I don't think I do feel so good," his eyes narrowed. "I think I'd better head," Jacob paused to swallow his words, "out," he said swallowing one more time and then regaining his composure.

"You don't look good. Let me take you home," I said reaching for my coat.

"Nah, I gotta get my Rabbit home so I can work on it."

"Then at least let me follow you to make sure you get home alright?" I pleaded concerned.

"Thanks, I'll be fine Bells," he said reaching to give me a hug goodbye. "I probably caught what Embry's got. I'm just gonna go straight home."

"Call me when you get there," I insisted flashing him a look of sincere concern.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said hugging me quickly, tightly. "And call you tonight," he said kissing my forehead before he left.

Jacob did call when he got home. The conversation was brief but he promised he'd be fine enough tomorrow for our date. He wanted to surprise me. His only hint was the weather was supposed to be dry and there would be dinner.

The next day Jacob called around noon. His voice was weak and he apologized repeatedly promising he'd make it up to me. I told him to rest and assured him that I did miss him but was much more concerned with him getting better then with dry weather and dinner.

"You know," Jacob said before getting off the phone, "I wish I kissed you last night."

"You did," I recalled raising my hand to my cheek, remembering his warm lips on my forehead.

"You know what I mean," Jacob said with his deepest voice before beginning to cough. Jacob cleared his throat. "I didn't want to get you sick though. I love you Bella."

"Love you _too_," I said before hanging up.

I made no effort to contact Jacob Sunday, assuming if he were better he would have called. Jacob had been right about the weather. It was dry and the sun made an appearance on Sunday afternoon. Monday was much of the same, same grayness during the day, sun in the afternoon and still no word from Jacob.

On Tuesday I started to become concerned. After work, I drove down to La Push. The angry rain clouds had returned. Billy answered the door and explained that Jacob still had the stomach flu. "He's been out since Sunday morning." Billy seemed too casual for someone whose son had lain in bed unconscious for the last 2 days. I questioned Billy regarding Jacob's symptoms asking about his fever, whether or not he was eating, et cetera until Billy began to grow impatient and I began to get very damp standing on the Black's doorstep, outside in the rain. "He'll be fine," he assured me, so I left without being invited in, which on a typical day would have been absurd.

When I came home from school on Wednesday Charlie had left me a message asking for me to join him in Port Angeles for dinner and that he'd talked to Billy who says that Jacob is fine and would call me tomorrow. Charlie picked me up after leaving the station and we drove in near silence, occasionally discussing school, the station, basically anything to keep from revealing anything personal but still considered conversation. Charlie circled around the back of buildings I'd never seen down a small alleyway, parking in an adjoining lot. It was pouring rain; the sky so overcast it seemed dark though it was not yet late. I put the hood of my jacket up over my head and made a mad dash for the restaurant. Charlie did the same, beating me to the door and holding it open for me.

I paid little attention to where I was going, my focus being keeping dry. I was completely caught off guard when I realized I was being directed to a booth at La Bella Italia. I said nothing, my hands shaking.

We were seated in a booth. Charlie handed me a menu and perused his own while deciding what to eat. Charlie was good for letting you make your own decisions, but something told me that this outing was about a decision I wasn't making and that was concerning him.

"Have you decided?" he asked. _Ironic._

I sat frozen not really reading the menu options. Charlie speaking didn't startle me back to the current time and place. I couldn't help remembering the bizarre turn of events which brought me here before. Edward had insisted that I eat to prevent shock. His conversation was cryptic as though trying to say more then he was allowed. I later learned that perception to be true.

"Bella, you all set?" Charlie repeated. I looked up realizing that I was staring mouth open, the waitress tapping her foot waiting for me. "Do you need a few minutes?" her eyes shifting between Charlie and me.

"No, um, mushroom ravioli," I said, quoting the only item I knew from the menu from memory. I took a sip of ice water. _Pathetic._

"Very good. Let me know if you'll be needing anything else," she said putting her little steno pad in her apron pocket and dashing away into the kitchen.

I looked up scanned the restaurant for _our_ table. There sat a young couple. The man leaned forward, his body language inviting, smiling and nodding. The lady, a beauty, smiled from behind her mahogany hair, coy. She seemed comfortable with guising her feelings, but not good at it. They conversed as though they were the only people here, without distractions, unlike myself. I felt like I was without air, without the ability to speak or even the capacity to put simple ideas together. I could superimpose Edward and myself at their table, asking hypothetical questions.

I shook my head to shuffle the images from my brain. "So what's up dad," I asked. _I need to be here._ The truth is, there was nothing formal about Charlie so an uncelebratory meal out was reason to be anxious and any attempt he made to remain casual was nerve racking. He fidgeted and cleared his throat repeatedly trying to broach some subject. Trying to cut to the chase.

"I wanted to talk with you about your plans for next year," Charlie said his voice suddenly sounding fatherly, sagely.

"I haven't put a lot of thought into it, to be honest with you, dad" I admitted begrudgingly.

"Yeah, well, I'm concerned and Renee keeps sending me these," Charlie leaned forward, reaching into his back pants pocket. "I wasn't keeping them from you. I just thought you might be a bit," he paused looking for the appropriate word, "distracted." Charlie handed me several brochures from the University of Florida in Jacksonville. "It looks like your mother and Phil will be settling there and Renee was hoping that you'd go home."

"Jacksonville isn't my home dad," I said shaking my head.

"Have you considered schools in Phoenix?"

"There's nothing for me in Phoenix either."

"Than where are you then Bella?" he asked sheer confusion crossing his face. Concerned. "You came to Forks and you've never seemed happy. I can't imagine why you'd want to stay here."

"Dad, I don't know if you've noticed but Jacob and I-"

"Yeah, I've noticed and don't think I don't believe Jacob isn't good for you, Bells. He doesn't let you take yourself too seriously and you need that. Reminds me of your mother like that, but still this Jacob _thing_ is new and you shouldn't plan around it."

"I just haven't been planning anything," I confessed, "let alone around anything else," I said letting my voice take a snide tone.

"I've noticed," he said shortly. "I'm not trying to be critical but you should be careful with other people's feelings," Charlie warned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said whispering contempt. Direct.

"It wasn't even a year ago that you bolted to Phoenix because you didn't want to be stuck here in Forks. That is what you'd get with Jacob. He's a good young man, likes to keep things light, but those Quileute boys, they're tied to their land."

"Oh, yeah, what about Rachel and Rebecca?" I asked referring to Jacob's older sister who had both left La Push.

"I said 'Quileute boys'," Charlie corrected. "Trust me Bells," he said as our meals arrived and we resumed not talking for the time being. Dad opened his newspaper, refolding it in quarters and scanned as he ate. His eyebrows furrowed as he read.

I sat confused. I thought he wanted me to be with Jacob and after his concern last winter, and threatening to send me Jacksonville, I thought we were passed that, thought that I had done what Charlie said but it seemed like we were at _that_ place again. The concerned place.

The couple in the corner was still engrossed in conversation, not really eating, moving their food around on their plates with their forks. How familiar I was with the habit of feigning interest in food as a cover. Of course, I was sure the happy couple was just more interested in each other than eating, not just pretending to eat.

_I hate this day._ My heart sank into my stomach. I ate very little as I sorted out my thoughts, overwhelmed with thoughts of Jacob, the future, _this place_.


	4. Chapter 4

Timing is Everything

Chapter 4

I went to sleep that night with more questions than answers. _How could I keep from letting Charlie down? Would I be unhappy staying in Forks next year? For the indefinite future? If I did stay, would it be for Jacob? Was my freak out at dinner because I wasn't over Edward? If I'm not, is that fair to Jacob?_ To put it simply, I didn't sleep much.

When I had nodded off I was tormented by an awful dream. Jacob and I were exploring some woods by Charlie's. All of a sudden the sun disappeared, blocked by the canopy of trees. Little light filtered down through the leaves. Everything was wet. The ground was unusually soft. I could feel the water soaking though my shoes. There was a gray mist, so thick that I couldn't see my feet below my ankles. When I looked up Jacob was gone. Four sets of disembodied, dark, eyes stared out at me from the black spaces between the trees. _Hungry?_ I was awoken by the sound of howling in the distance, and Edward's anxious voice saying my name over and over.

_Bella! Bella!_

_I thought my "dark era" was over._ It was 3:23 a.m. All bad thoughts were out of my head as I bolted straight up in bed. By now I only vaguely recollected my dream. My holey t-shirt was drenched in sweat, my hair sticking up and out in all directions. I put my feet to the hard cold wood floor, shivering. I selected new, dry clothes from my drawers, a pair of flannel pants and a University of Arizona sweat shirt. Combing fingers through my hair, I walked to my bedroom door headed for the bathroom to splash water on my face. It was then that I noticed the change in the air pressure and the temperature in my room. My bedroom door rattled on its hinges. I turned on the overhead light. The sheer yellow curtain covering my window billowed out like a phantom. The door rattled again. I went to the window and looked outside. All was quiet and dark. Without another thought, I closed the window, turned off my overhead light and bundled up in the blankets again.

I knew I hadn't opened the window. I could not even consider what this could mean. He was gone. He'd never have left my window open. He moved like the wind itself. If he were back he wouldn't hide from me. Maybe I'd opened it in my sleep? To prevent future injuries, I thought, I should keep it locked. If any one were capable of falling out of their own window sleep walking, it was me. It was 3:30 a.m. I lay awake until it was time to get up and dressed for school.

I fell asleep in calculus. I dragged my feet through gym. I laid my head on the table through lunch period, drowning out the sound of voices all around me. The murmuring made one undistinguishable noise. There was no single identifiable voice. Chairs squeaked, silverware scrapped plates, laughing in the distance- all in unison. A chorus of sound. I might was well have been dead to the world, left to walk in my silence among the indefatigable chorus in my own personal purgatory.

"You okay?"

The question didn't register.

"Bella. I asked if you're okay."

I opened my eyes at the sound of my name. Rocking my head slowly, back and forth my cheek still against the table I nodded "No".

"You look pale. I mean even more then usual."

It was Mike talking to me.

"Let's get you to the nurse," he said, helping me up from my chair. We walked in silence for awhile. "I'll call my mom from the office. One of us will cover for you tonight. You look bad."

Mike had one good skill. Exaggeration. Unfortunately when I finally did get a look at myself I realized that Mike had been kind, not excessive.

I was able to convince the nurse that she didn't need to call Charlie and I could get myself home, which I did. I went to the kitchen; phoned Mrs. Newton, who assured me that everything was fine and that someone would cover my shifts for tonight and tomorrow. I thanked her and went to bed. It was 1:15.

There was a knock at the door.

"Yeah," I asked barely conscious.

"Bella." It was Charlie. "Jacob's here. I told him you came home sick today but he'd like to see you if you're up to it."

"Just a minute dad," I said untangling myself from the blankets. "Tell him I'll be right down," I said moving slowly. Stiff.

"You should get some rest Bells."

"I know," I said putting my feet to the floor and getting out of bed. "And I will. I'm just going to talk with him for a minute or two," I said pulling my sweatshirt over my head and grabbing socks to put on my feet.

Charlie's steps down the stairs were slow and when I head his voice again, this time speaking to Jacob, it was a muffled bass. I went downstairs. Jacob was sitting on the end of the couch, Charlie in his chair. I sat on the opposite end of the couch and brought my knees up to my chest holding them there with both my arms. Jacob spoke first.

"I'm sorry Bells. I stopped by your work but your boss said you were out sick."

I nodded my head. _As you can see._

"I was wondering if you'd mind if I tinkered around with your truck. I'm gonna see if I can find that leak," he asked wrinkling his nose. "Didn't want to work on it without your permission."

I nodded again. "I don't mind, Jake."

"I'll have it all back together by the end of the night. So you can use it tomorrow," he assured. "Promise."

"It's okay. I don't know if I'll be well tomorrow anyway," I said my voice cracking from congestion.

"Alright then. I'll get outta here and see what I can do. It'll be all set tomorrow," he said again. He held out his hand to help me up. "You should get back to bed," he said his mouth a straight line, pulling me from the couch. Jacob followed me to the foot of the stairs.

"You're cute when you're groggy," he whispered then kissing the top of my head.

"You're cute when you're fixing my truck," I whispered back, voice cracking again, trying to make a joke.

"You just go get better so I can take you out this weekend," he insisted.

With that Jacob went outside and I went back to bed.

I sweated through Friday, sleeping most of the day, waking only periodically to take cold medication conveniently designed to knock me back out. That night my sinus pressure started to relieve, draining and some of my energy was returning. I called Jake to let him know that I was recovering and I'd be up to doing something on Saturday if he hadn't already made other plans. Jacob asked me to pick him up. "My Rabbit is in pieces again," he said mocking a whine.

"Maybe you need to find other things to do rather than taking it apart," I joked.

"I'll get to work on that right away," he flirted back. "Oh, by the way," Jake said. "There's no leak in your truck."

"I know." _Not sure why I know, but I know. _"See you tomorrow around noon?" I asked.

"Sounds good," he said before hanging up.

Saturday morning the sun was peeking its way through billowy white clouds. No gray. No rain. A promising day. When I arrived at the Black's house, Jacob had me bring my truck around to the back to his "garage". I tried helping him load the bikes into the bed of the truck but Jake just waved me off, laughing a little. I felt useless standing there as Jake, seemingly without much effort, loaded the bikes one by one into the bed of the truck. I alternated wrapping my arms around myself and standing casually with my hands in my pockets. After having been in bed the last day and a half, I didn't have the patience to stand around.

Jacob marched around the yard when he'd finished, stretching his arms after loading the truck. I noticed for the first time Jacob's muscular physique. His arms were lean, his musculature well defined. I laughed quietly to myself for my next thought. _He must be working out._ I shook my head discreetly, hoping Jacob didn't see, not wanting to share these thoughts. Cliché.

"Well, we're ready to roll," he announced opening the driver's side door for me to climb in. He closed the door as I reached for my seat belt. "Be right back," Jacob said before disappearing in a blur.

_He's always doing that_. Jake appeared again not a minute later, carrying in his hand an oversized brown paper bag, the top rolled down onto itself.

"There's something I've been wanting to tell you," he said getting into the Chevy, throwing me a serious stare. Before I could respond, he reached across the cab of the truck creeping closer to me. He put his left hand on the back of my neck while placing the other on my knee. His grip gentle. His skin rough and calloused. Moving quickly, as though not to loose momentum he kissed me. My head spun for a moment. Jacob's kisses were so uncontrolled, eager, though I was beginning to wonder if this ability was limited to the confines of my truck cab. I couldn't deny that his physical confidence was appealing. Jacob acted as though he were two people. He could be shy and coy but when he wanted something, attention, he could be very persuasive. "That's all I've wanted to say," he said pulling away. "I'm glad you're better. I've missed you," he said smiling, cupping my cheek with his hand. I closed my eyes and leaned my face into his palm. His hands were so warm. He was radiant.

Jacob suggested we drive toward First Beach. He said there were trails there that we could use for the bikes, "and are relatively straight," he continued with a concerned look out the corner of his eye. Jacob sat back as I drove. His body language, relaxed.

"What's in the bag," I asked.

"A few essentials."

"You're not going to tell me, I get it," I flirted, pretending to be jilted.

"Some things are worth waiting for," is all he said as I pulled to the side of the road.

We walked the bikes down the trails to the beach. There, sitting on benches of drift wood, were some La Push kids. I recognized Quil and Embry without introduction. Jared and Paul I had seen from a distance and knew from Jacob's stories. Quil caught sight of us emerging from the trail. Jacob stopped and propped up his bike. He then took my bike from me and did the same. "Let's say 'hi', real quick and then we'll get going," he said reaching for my hand.

"Takin' 'er for a test drive I see," Quil said looking at me as he punched Jake in the shoulder. I bit my lip and turned my face away so as not to glare directly at Quil, resenting his remark. _This isn't what I had in mind._

"Get outta here," Jacob said pushing Quil off balance, playfully but with purpose. He cleared his throat moving on from Quil's insinuation. "What are you all up to today so I'll know where to avoid you?" Jake joked, keeping things light.

"Heading up to the tide pools," Quil said, looking down as he shuffled sand back and forth with his bare feet. "Seriously though," he continued moving on from his previous embarrassment, "when you're done with the bikes you should join us. Sam and Emily are meeting up with us later. Emily'l probably have us over for dinner. I'd be fun. Bella you're welcome to come too."

"I dunno," Jacob shrugged. "We'll see," he said as I took possession of my bike again.

Jacob's motorcycle tutorial was brief, it if could even be called that. I think he took for granted how good he was at certain things, or how uncoordinated I was at most things. I'm not sure which. He pointed and said words like, "clutch", "break" and "accelerator". I heard him use verbs like "punch", "push" and "roll". I tried putting these ideas together attempting to ignore the racing of my heart.

**THUD….THUD….THUD….**

"You okay?" Jacob asked smiling excitedly.

"Yeah," I answered. An automatic response, attempting to ignore my anxiety.

"Alright then," he said jump starting my bike.

**thud…thud…thud…thud…thud…**

The vibration of the bike reverberated through my whole body. "I'll take this slow," Jacob yelled over the sound of the engine. He jumped up once and his engine sputtered to life. Still the beating of my heart was louder then the rumbling of the twin engines.

**thud..thud..thud..thud..thud..thud.. **

Jacob looked back at me with a smile. I smiled back and nodded. Suddenly Jake's bike took off leaving a cloud of sand swirling in the air behind him.

All went quiet except for the sound of my blood rushing through my veins. There were no rumbling engines. Then out of nothing a voice.

_Don't do this._

I lifted one foot from the ground and searched with my hand for the accelerator.

_Please!_

His voice was yelling now, saying incoherent things. I sped forward. Jacob was nowhere in sight. I'd been left behind, without a clue as to what I was doing other than going faster and faster, uncontrollable.

_Why are you doing this?_

My hands numbed and Edward's rage washed over me in a spill of confusion, then all went black.

**THUD….THUD….THUD….**

I came to with Jacob standing over me.

"Bella! Bella!"

_Bella! Bella!_

There was no more rumbling of engines. Looking around I could see my bike on the trail, several yards away. I was laying flat on my back, arms out at my sides.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked crouching down next to me.

_Please be okay._ _Please get up._

"Yeah, what happened?"

"You dumped your bike," Jacob frowned. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have taken off before you. I'm sorry."

He's apologizing again, I thought. "No Jake, it's not your fault that I'm vehicularly challenged," I said, not even sure if I was making sense.

"Well, you seem alright, other then taking the spill. I wasn't sure if you'd hit you head."

My hands flew up to examine myself. Intact.

"Ooh," Jacob said sucking in air between his teeth in a grimace. "You've got a bit of road rash on your arm there," he said pointing to my left forearm.

"A long sleeved t-shirt should cover that," I said, considering hiding the evidence from Charlie.

"Do you think you can get up?" Jacob asked.

"Um, yeah. My head's fine."

_You should lie down._

"Get up. Lie down," I said in a tantrum. "Not like I a need a neck brace," I said wiping dirt and gravel from my arm, checking for bleeding.

"Okay," Jacob said confused for a moment as I remembered I should refrain from responding to the voice in my head, "but we should get you a helmet," Jacob suggested holding his hand out to help me up off the ground. He stood me up on my feet holding my shoulders in both his hands.

"Feel dizzy?" he asked.

"No," I said in a low voice, "but I think I'm done for the day," I said pointing to the bike still laying on the trail. I took a step, rocking on the balls of my feet. Jacob grabbed my shoulder again and I stood still to keep from losing my balance.

"Don't take this personally Bells," he paused to scoop me into his arms, "but I'll be carrying you out of here today."

I sighed. "I think I'm okay," I said in protest.

"I know. I love your brain and I know you think you're okay, but this make _me_ feel better," he said a satisfied look across his face.

I complied but still thought it was reasonable that I was a little off kilter after the fall I'd just taken. He carried me to the truck in near silence. His breathing never strained. Never breaking a sweat, though he smelled naturally like musk. "Jacob, will you tell me now what was in the bag?" I asked.

"It's silly really," Jacob said nearly frowning. He was becoming Shy Jacob again.

"Is that why you didn't want to tell me earlier, because you thought it was silly?"

"Ah, yes and no. To tell the truth, I got distracted after we ran into Quil and well I forgot about it," he said as we were reaching the road. His mouth turned down when he said Quil's name. "I'm going to set you down in the truck and run back to get the bikes. Please just wait here," he said while opening the passenger side door and sitting me down. "You'll wait for me here?" Jacob asked again waiting for my confirmation. I had to admit, I liked that fact that Jacob never assumed that I was just going to follow orders. I didn't want to seem difficult but I didn't want to be a push over either.

"Yes, I'll wait here," I agreed. "But I want to see what's in that bag." Now it was a compromise. Jacob nodded and then disappeared.

The bikes were loaded into the truck in no time. Jacob didn't even seem phased by the exertion, running up and down the trail to retrieve the bikes. He took the driver's seat and looked at me cautiously. "Do you mind if I drive?" he asked.

"No," I said looking at the floor frustrated by the feeling of uselessness. I didn't want to be a pushover or difficult, but I did draw the line at useless.

"I think I want to go home," I said, still staring at my feet. I could feel Jacob's face change as he registered what I'd said. I'd made him sad.

"Home, really? Is this about driving because I-"

"It's not that, Jake. I think I just need to be alone for a little while. I could meet up with you later."

"Everyone's going to Emily's or Harry and Sue's tonight. I thought were could spend some time at my place, unless you wanted me to come by your house later."

"Could you make it over to my place later?" I asked as Jacob started the engine.

"Well, I could drop you at home now and then come back by later. It'd be easier then going back to my place to drop the bikes and then…" he said trailing off, knowing that I understood his meaning.

"Yeah, that'd be fine, I guess."

I needed some serious time to think. I couldn't tell Jake what I was thinking. It would hurt his feelings. Edward's voice came out of nowhere. I had no intention of hearing him again. I was, after all moved on. Recently, I had felt like I had been forgetting what his voice sounded like. My memories were becoming hazy. I needed to make sense of this afternoon. Jacob and I agreed that he'd come by around 5:00. It was barely 2:30 now. I needed to work this out and only had a short amount of time to do it.

I tried laying on the couch for a while. I could never get comfortable in the living room, aside from when watching TV. I needed a moment of reflection though so I went up to my room and sat on my bed. The air was crisp and fresh. I could smell the rain coming. The smell was beginning to grow on me. Spring rains made the air smell earthy, like Jacob. The sound was comforting. I just needed to get used to perpetually feeling soggy and I just might make it in Washington, I thought pulling my knees up to my chest.

I searched my head for feelings. There were a few kicking around. I missed the emotional rushes of the past couple of weeks. I missed the irregularity of my pulse. My breathing becoming unpredictable. I reveled in the anxiety, in latent feelings that both seemed natural and exciting. Now nothing. I felt like I'd cut myself off from all feelings for the time being. I wasn't sad, happy, hopeful or lustful. I was about as close to nothing as I could be. Was this complacency?

I recalled again the smell of rain as it began gently tapping again my window. The curtain billowed faintly in the breeze. My heart jumped into my chest, breathing shallow. So much for complacency. Had Charlie been in here? Had he randomly decided to air out the house? It wasn't impossible and was a reasonable explanation. The weather had been nice today. Had I left the window open myself? I couldn't recall opening it but then again the other night… I drew in a very deep breath remembering my decision to lock the window. Realizing only now that I'd forgotten to follow through. He may have decided to leave me but something was starting to become clear. He couldn't intrude but maybe he wanted me to know that he was around. Being indirect was very Edward-like. Though I could justify his presence, I hadn't processed exactly how I felt about it. This was all speculation anyway, I told myself.

Overall I was confused. I hadn't even figured out my feeling from dinner with Charlie in Port Angeles on Thursday. Slowly a hole began to open in my chest. I lay on my side on the bed and considered my feelings for Edward. Ultimately I knew that I just didn't understand Edward's rejection. That is where all these hurt feelings stemmed. How could he go from insisting on birthday presents and showering me with attention regardless of how uncomfortable it made me feel only to walk me out in the woods to tell me he didn't love me and that he was leaving? None of that made sense. My hallucinations were they real hallucinations? Did I just want Edward to care for me? That would answer my questions about his rejection but not about him leaving. Edward didn't have the strength to make me be_ like_ him but he couldn't stand to watch me get older. The emptiness started to fill as I came to these conclusions. I laughed at myself for all these bizarre thoughts. Vampires breaking into my bedroom to watch me sleep. To snoop around when I was out on a date. Well, it'd happened before. In all likelihood I'd opened my own window, forgotten and now it's led me to the conclusion that Edward leaving was for the best. Jacob was my safe harbor. He didn't want to wrap me in bubble wrap and save me from the world. A human world. He wanted to experience it with me. That made me happy again and I drifted to sleep. 3:17.


	5. Chapter 5

What's my Crime

Chapter 5

There was a clearing encircled by trees so tall their crowns grew toward the muted sun forming a natural rotunda. Their leaves filtered the suns rays which danced around casting shadows, changing the landscape with motion and light. The air was cool, smelling of salt and metal. Ocean and blood. The ground wet and sticky. I called out Jacob's name but I only heard the sound of my own voice reverberating off of the trunks of trees, calling back to me. Other then the echoes, total silence. No wind. No leaves crunching. No branches breaking. No birds. Suddenly, it was like the forest came alive. Trees danced back and forth as if responding to impact. There was breathing on four sides of me. Panting. I was surrounded.

I gasped awake, chest heaving, long deep inhalations of air. I may have yelled or even screamed but I had no witnesses to inform me of my own bizarre unconscious behavior. The details of my dream were lost to me.

I had a half hour until Jacob would come by. I brushed my teeth and hair in a mindless scurry. I picked out a clean pair of jeans and layered a long sleeved t-shirt under a blue, green and white flannel shirt. I carefully bandaged my arm and then I twisted my hair into a messy knot before heading downstairs.

Jacob arrived early. He casted a long shadow through the window of Charlie's front door. The sun was fading behind him in a pink and orange sunset. I opened the door just as Jacob reached the landing. Our smiles reflected each other. Was it possible that I was also Jacob's sun? I curved my body into the warm open space of his, resting my head against his chest, taking in his earthy scent. Amazing.

"You want to get out of here?" Jacob winced anxious not to cross over the threshold.

"You want to come in?" I asked testing this theory. "Or we could meet up with Quil…" I stopped when Jacob winced again. "Or we could do something else".

"I was hoping for some privacy," he said, his mouth turning down, unsure of my reaction.

"Well there isn't a lot of that to be had. Charlie will be home soon."

"Okay," he said letting the word drop from his lips casually tossing it away. He looked around a moment, thinking and then grabbed my hand, pulling me out the door, through the yard, into the woods surrounding Charlie's house. "We could just walk a bit."

The sky had cleared considerably over the course of the afternoon. The woods were still damp, drops of moisture dropping from the low branches like a gentle rain. The forest was getting dark.

"This private enough?" I asked adjusting the grip I had on his hand.

"I think this will do," he said taking off his jacket smoothing it on the ground and directing me to sit upon it. I followed his direction and he sat on the ground next to me.

"You aren't worried about getting wet?"

"Nah," he said looking at his jeans, shaking on the pant leg. "I have a change of clothes in the truck. That's what's in the paper bag."

"The one you've been carrying around. Just clothes?"

"Yeah," he said looking down, avoiding eye contact.

"That's what you thought was so silly, a change of clothes," I asked skeptical.

"Yeah. Just in case. But it doesn't really matter," he said still looking at the ground near his feet. Without looking up, his hand searched for mine again and he pulled me closer to him. He wrapped me up in his arms seating me into his lap. I devoted each breath, each muscle reflex, and each blink of my eyes to being held. He stroked my hair, my arms and played with my hands and fingers. Jacob was innocent fun.

His sigh quickened my pulse and his pulse responded to mind. I had never realized how important a pulse could be. How seductive or soothing. Ordinarily I could shuffle a thousand thoughts in my head at any given moment, but now I could balance only one overwhelming thought, Jacob's pulse. He buried his face into my neck leaving the faintly traced outlined of his lips at the base of my collar bone. We held each other, breathing in each other's scents, kissing occasionally, whispering needlessly, cherishing a private moment.

"Can I ask you something, Bella?" Jake asked, his speech muffled, whispering into my hair.

"Um hum."

"Is there something wrong?"

I wanted to answer him honestly. I wanted to say "there was, but not now" and be able to leave it at that. Answering this question was a double edged sword.

"I'm asking because you've been so quiet lately. And hard to read. I'd like to know if there's something we should talk about."

"You know Jake, Charlie's been on my case about my college plans for next year," I told him recalling my conversation with Charlie at dinner last Thursday night. "I don't want to disappointment him," I said trying to emphasize the pressure that Charlie was putting on me. I wanted Jacob not to push any further into my problems. I didn't want to think about them.

"What have you got planned?" Jacob asked suddenly realizing my plans for next year could affect him. He squeezed my hand.

"I haven't made any decisions about college. Things have been so….so overwhelming. I guess I've been distracted," I said borrowing Charlie's description.

"What does Charlie want for you to do?"

"I think he just wants me to do something to make myself happy and have that decision be responsible, if that makes sense. He thinks Dad stuff. It's complicated."

"Yeah, he was really in a bind about you last fall. He told Billy you were like the walking dead. This is before we were hangin' out though."

This must be what Jacob wanted to talk about because I'm not sure that he worked it smoothly into the conversation. I suddenly had the urge to defend myself. I understood that everyone's talk was out of concern for me but it seemed like even though I had moved on, no one else had. I didn't feel like I should have to be ashamed but somehow no one would let me forget the "dark era".

"You know Jake; it was hard for me then, not knowing why Edward left me. Edward made it so I couldn't trust people for a while. I've worked through all that. I wish people would stop bringing it up."

"Have you worked through it though?" Jacob asked unconvinced.

"What, like have I gotten past not trusting people,"

"Yeah, that," he paused, "and Edward."

_How awkward to be asked by my current boyfriend if I'd gotten over my ex-boyfriend. _

"I think I've gotten to a point where I can trust people again," I said letting go of his hand to uncurl my body, sitting up, but the conversation had taken a very serious tone. I wanted to look Jacob in the eyes, but his face was turned away from mine. He wasn't looking into the distance as much as purposefully looking away from me. The muscles in his jaw flexed as his teeth clenched. The lines in his forehead formed a V as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"I trust you Jake," I said trying to assure him as I reached for his hand. He pulled his hand away from me, crossing his arms over his chest. Sitting in his lap under these circumstances was becoming uncomfortable. I shifted my weight off of his lap so that I was seated on the ground facing him.

"Jacob," I said staring into his face, "I don't know what is wrong now. What does any of this matter?"

He didn't answer. The muscles in his jaw flexed again.

"Is this about Edward?" I asked tilting my head to observe the phases of his reaction.

Jacob breathed in deep and then punched the ground violently. His movement was so quick it was startling. I flinched at his reaction. At times Jacob's lack of control made me nervous.

"What is it about him that makes you this way? Why do you care? Lately you've been so irritable," I confronted. _No use in being diplomatic._

Jacob opened his mouth to speak. He hesitated and looked away from me again. He breathed in deeply and I watched as some of the anger melted out of him.

"If only you knew what he is Bella."

"What do you mean, 'what he is'?"

"He's a leech. A bloodsucker," Jacob hesitated breathing deep again. Jacob was taking great pains to stay in control. "Billy told me that it was Cullen's fault that you busted up your leg last year and everyone knows about how he led you out into the woods and left you there."

"So you are angry because of what you think Edward did to me, but not because of what he is?"

"In a sense, yes and no," Jacob said staring deep into me. "You never noticed there was something off about him? Something unnatural?"

"Why don't you say what you mean? Get to the point."

"I can't know the answer to the question because it would change everything. Remember our talk, the Quileute legends?"

"Yes," and I did vividly.

"And what the Cullen's are."

"Yes."

Jacob looked away from me again. "All I can say is that your association with the leech has left a dark mark over you and even more so for knowing what he was and not caring."

"So what now? You love me and you hate me? I can't exactly go back and change what has already happened Jacob. Or do I think that I would, despite your feelings about it. I'm not going to apologize to you for the choices I've made. Even you said that they were just stories," I said referring again to the conversation we'd shared at First Beach. "So you've changed your mind now and I have to follow suit."

"It's not the same thing," he scowled. "So you'd never admit that being with Edward was wrong?"

"No."

"Unnatural?" he accused.

"No," I yelled back

"Do you love him," Jacob yelled.

_Bella, Lie._

I didn't answer, caught off guard by the voice in my head. My hesitation infuriated Jacob. He jumped from his sitting position on the ground to a crouch and then was standing on his feet. At his full height, Jacob could be very intimidating.

"I don't know," I answered honestly as I stood in his shadow.

"Do you love me?"

"Sometimes."

"Sometimes," Jacob repeated, processing my answer. Hurt.

"Meaning, not so much right now, when you've been condemning me, yelling at me and acting all scary."

"You think that I'm scary?"

"Just right now. You have been somewhat unpredictable lately but right now I'd say 'scary' is close to the mark."

"Were you ever afraid of Edward," Jacob looked pained asking the question.

"Honestly, no."

Jacob closed his eyes. He was comparing my feelings for Edward to my feelings for him as though he could have an accurate understanding of my feelings based on this one conversation. It was more complex then that. Jacob was setting himself up to be hurt.

"Jacob, Edward was obsessed with protecting me. On preserving me," I said leaving out some details that could only exacerbate the situation, "I also didn't feel like I had been living." I walked up to Jacob and I put my hands on his arm, testing the heat of his anger against my skin. "Edward and I were from different worlds. He couldn't handle it. He was afraid of my frailty. Things are different between you and me, aside from the fact that we're both human. We live human lives."

"Is that you decision then?" Jacob asked appearing to be calming down "to live a human life?" his nose wrinkled.

"Yes," I said shaking my head thinking this answer completely obvious.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Because," Jacob said raising his chin, directing my attention away from him.

I turned to understand his meaning and caught only a glimpse of Edward's pale skin and golden eyes. Then everything went dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Frame Up

Chapter 6

Bella basically collapsed right into my arms. When she started to fall all I could think of to do was catch her before the Leech could get to her. I knew he had been coming around but I couldn't have predicted the response Bella would have. Would she be happy? Passing out could be either good or bad. The answer to that question could break me.

I didn't trust my feelings anymore. I could no longer control certain…emotions. Bella had admitted to me that I was scaring her. To be honest, I was scaring myself. I hadn't meant for the day to go this way. My intentions were simpler than all this drama.

I held Bella close to my chest as the Leech walked toward us. He held his hands up, as if to surrender, but he wasn't going to surrender anything. He had nothing to give me.

"I'm not here to negotiate," the bloodsucker said taking another step forward, his hands still held in front of his chest as he slowly approached me. "I can't let you take her Jacob," he said with snide confidence that I wanted to rip off his face.

"How long have you been snooping around?" I demanded to know.

"That doesn't really matter," the Leech said, deflecting the question.

"Does to me. You've been sneaking around my girlfriend's house. I'd say you owe me an explanation."

"The only explanations I owe are for Bella."

I scowled and began walking away. The bloodsucker realized quickly that I wasn't going to stick around if he didn't keep talking.

"I've only been watching out for her safety. There's your explanation. Now please let Bella go."

"She doesn't want to go with you. You heard her yourself, she doesn't want you watching _over_ for her anymore," my voice was a low growl.

"I heard her say that she's afraid of you. That's what_ I_ heard."

_Oh great, a pissing contest. _"Oh yeah, she didn't pass out when she saw _me_," I defended.

"She may have passed out due to a sudden drop in blood pressure," he was postulating. "She may need medical attention."

_Ironic, the Leech worried about her blood pressure, though Bella had had a hell of a day, dumping her bike and blacking out then and now…_

Edward tilted his head thinking, his eyes burrowing into my face. His body language said that he was listening closely but I wasn't saying anything.

"You didn't take her to a hospital after she fell off a motorcycle earlier today?" he raged. Edward was good at layering on the drama. "Please," he pleaded, overreacting, "she may need medical attention," he added, his voice became calm and soothing. The Leech was attempting to be persuasive.

_He's been trailing us all day._ "I know how to find a doctor," I said walking off.

The Leech ran silently behind me. He moved fast, like a blur. I didn't know if I'd be able to get away from him on foot.

"You can't."

"Bella and I are leaving together. You need to back off before I start to get angry," I warned, unsure if he understood my full meaning.

"Jacob. You need to try to remain calm for Bella's safety."

_He understood._ "Yeah, you need to get out of here, for your safety," I threatened.

"I'm not hurting anyone by being here. I'm not in breach of the treaty but if you loose control and Bella get's hurt, you'll never forgive yourself," he said his voice was persuasive again.

The Leech's calm was pushing me over the edge. He had such a smug look on his face; I wanted to rearrange it for him. His concern seemed genuine enough but his flair for the dramatic made me think he was trying to manipulate me. I could feel my limbs vibrating, pulsing, wanting to lunge forward to their full potential. The bloodsucker was right though, I needed to stay in control as long as Bella was this close. Bad things happened when we phased too close to mortals and this particular mortal was exceptionally accident prone. I breathed in long and deep. Calm was difficult to achieve. I had never not attacked a bloodsucker standing right in front of me before. This level of self control was literally unprecedented by my standards.

The Leech started reaching into his pocket. "I'm just going for my phone Jacob. I can call and find out how far out Carlisle is. You could bring Bella and stay with her, but I think that she needs to see a doctor."

_He's got nothing._

"No, Jacob. I'm not negotiating with you. I'm not the bad guy you think I am," he said opening his phone. He spoke quickly and then flipped the phone shut. "I love her more then I love myself. If she's loves you than you'll receive no problems from me," he continued putting the phone into his pocket. "Let's go," he said firmly, demanding forfeiting persuasion all together.

_I couldn't believe this guy. He thinks I'm going to follow him into a coven of bloodsuckers._

"Not a coven. Just Carlisle and me."

"Get out of my head." I yelled at him, my arms and legs shaking, unstably again. I concentrated on holding Bella and that seemed to calm my rage.

"You'd have to put some distance between us for that to happen. It's not like I have control over it."

_That's what I've been trying to do._

I didn't form complete thoughts. I didn't say actual words. I felt like an animal trapped. I threw thoughts, screaming irate incomprehensible thoughts but said nothing. The bloodsucker wanted me to go with him but that wasn't going to happen. I realized, slowly that the transformation was not far off and if pushed I may loose control.

"I don't have control over _it_, either. It's time for you to back off," I growled.

Edward looked at me and then into Bella's pale unconscious face. "She needs help that you cannot give her," he yelled into my face. "Don't you get _that_!"

_Something very bad could happen if you don't get away from me now._

"Go. I won't be far behind. GO NOW!" the Leech screamed, finally losing control. So much for his valuable self restraint.

Edward didn't move an inch. He stood frozen, eerily still watching me walk away with Bella in my arms. I wasn't sure if I'd revealed too much but I thought after the cat and mouse game we've been playing, that there wasn't much he didn't already know. My problem was explaining to Bella. I owed her an explanation of my own. I tried to tell her about how I'd changed, about what I'd become, what ever I am, but I couldn't seem to say the words. It was like when something you know just barely escapes you. Like when it's on the tip of your tongue. There have never been words to explain what I am. Sam and the pack had made sure of that long before I came along. Truth is I was scared. I didn't know if Bella was hurt, physically hurt, but I knew that she'd be upset when I managed to find a way to tell her about what I am. She had chosen a human life. Did I still count in her eyes? Would she change her mind?

I felt guilty about our disagreement. I didn't mean to lose my tempter. I hadn't intended to argue with Bella. I'd explained before that I didn't know why I became so angry. She'd forgiven me in the past. Did she have the strength to absolve me again? Would she be resentful when she regained consciousness and realized that Edward was not there?

In the event that I had to betray someone; my pack, by revealing our secret or Bella by not revealing myself to her, I had no doubt about what I would chose to do. With Bella, it could only be full disclosure. I was the only one with something truly precious to loose. I'd choose Bella. I needed to make her understand that I would always choose her. I would never leave.

The Leech was out of sight, but not far, because I could still smell him. He was stalking me. Maybe just watching but it irritated me beyond measure that as long as I was off the rez he wouldn't be far away. I'd had two choices. I could walk to the truck and risk another confrontation with the Leech or head for the rez on foot. I needed to remain calm so I tried to ignore his scent in the air and walk at a soothing pace.

Ultimately I was unsure of what I was protecting Bella from. I knew the Leech wouldn't hurt her. I could tell by the way he looked at her. If his heart did beat, it would beat for her. Regardless, the idea of him touching her or even having concern for her made me want to strike. I decided it was in everyone's best interest to get Bella home. I began to run faster, making a greater arch off the trail to double back. I could smell the Leech everywhere. He'd been spending a lot of time hiding out in the woods by Bella's house, at least recently. I pushed away the thought again.

I shuffled Bella's body as I tried to open the front door. I wasn't used to carrying dead weight. It wasn't difficult, but it was awkward. I imagine that I looked like I was trying to enter the house with a sac of groceries. This thought made me disappointed in myself. I was stronger then I'd ever been but my body still moved in a way I wasn't used to. I was still unfamiliar with my size. The Leech's warning resurfaced in my brain and I felt the heaviness of shame on my chest, making my head feel light, breathing shallow. I pushed away this feeling again, fighting against the overwhelming desire to be Bella's savior or do what was right and hand her over to the Leech, a failure. _This wasn't right. Where was this coming from?_

After managing to unlock the door I crossed the threshold and was over powered by the unbelievably sickly sweet scent of vamps. It was like Bella's house was swarming with them. I couldn't differentiate all the different scents. Edward's scent was fresh outside and I paused to investigate the other scents, still holding Bella's body cradled against my own. The scent was faint in the kitchen. _No reason a Leech would spend much time in a kitchen anyway. Damn bloodsuckers. _The living room also had a trace of the scent but having explored the lower level of the house I realized that the faintness of the scents was not due to strength but proximity. The origin of the scent went upstairs. The bedroom.

I was standing at the foot of the stairs when the door, I had left cracked, swung wide open. I turned my head, still clutching Bella but holding her closer to me, not ready to hand her over. When I looked up, it was Charlie standing there, frozen staring at me. Shocked. His eyes narrowed. "What in the Hell is going on here," he said his eyes shifting from my feet to my head, back again. His eyes finally held on Bella's body in my arms.

"I- ah," is all I could manage to say, realizing for the first time that my situation looked bad.

"What happened to Bella?" he asked his voice gruff but his wording unaccusatory. This put me a bit at ease.

"I don't know," I said with the sincerest of concern. "We were walking on the trail behind the house and she just passed out," my speech was fast and exasperated. Charlie watched me, turning his head sideways as he processed my story. He was good at hiding what he was thinking but he seemed to be neglecting that skill at present. Maybe he felt that he wouldn't need to hide his thoughts from me. It would be out of habit for him but from the look on his face, it was clear that he didn't believe what I was telling him. It wasn't a good idea to tell even just a half truth to a cop. The good ones always knew that there was something being held back. Ironically, unfortunately, even though I wanted to tell him the whole truth, it was impossible. There were certain things I couldn't speak of, even willingly. The truth was beyond my mentioning. I wasn't permitted to speak of werewolves or vampires, not to Charlie.

"Put her down on the couch," he instructed. I did as I was told and stepped back as he kneeled to examine her. "Her color seems alright. You alright?" he asked showing concern for my state of mind and pointing at the back of my clothes.

"Yeah. I'm all wet from sitting on the ground on the trail," I said, realizing for the first time that I was covered in damp brown leaves and dirt.

"She hit her head?" he asked checking for vitals. He examined her minimally.

"No," I paused. "Not just now," I stuttered having thought about it. "When we were at First Beach, she fell but she said her head was fine."

"When was that?"

"One o'clock-ish. Little later."

"She'd been fine since then?"

"Well, I only just got here. After she fell she wanted me to bring her home," I explained. "So I did."

"But you said that you went for a walk," Charlie said, interrogating.

"Yeah, I got here right before six o'clock. She passed out when we were on the trails."

Charlie didn't look at me when he was talking. That made me nervous. He ran his fingers over Bella's head, through her hair a little. "Yeah, she's got a nasty bump. You can head home Jacob."

"Should we call her an ambulance?" I asked.

"I have an emergency vehicle parked right outside."

"Can I-" Charlie cut me off.

"No. You've done enough for today Jacob," he said standing then patting my shoulder which felt more like a push out the door.

Charlie was good at saying things that didn't reveal his feelings. Was he saying I'd "done enough" sarcastically? As though I hadn't done enough to protect her, or I'd done enough by getting her home. Charlie's obscurity was making me nervous. He lifted her from the couch.

"Edward?" Bella mumbled for the first time after a frighteningly long stretch without saying anything.

"No, Bells. It's dad. We're going for a ride now. Let's just be quiet for a little while."

Charlie was gentle with Bella as he lifted her and carried her to the cruiser. Charlie didn't say anything to me as we left the house. My anxiety was pumping like adrenaline. He backed out of the yard and drove away without another look in my direction.

I decided I was going to sit on the stoop and wait for them to get back; even if it took all night. From around the back the Leech's scent intensified. He was coming closer to the front of the house. He came around the corner, his phone to his ear. He looked at me without an expression, no emotion. He snapped his phone shut and disappeared in a blur.


	7. Chapter 7

Head Case

Chapter 7

I could hear the soft whir of the tires rolling over the pavement. My head was pounding, a throb like no other, responsive to even the slightest change in air pressure. I tried to open my eyes but could only, barely, squint through my eyelashes to filer out the hazy white light burrowing into the back of my head. Shear pain.

I had no context for where I was or how I got there. My disorientation made it impossible to ask any important questions. I thrashed about trying to burrow into the seat to block out all sounds chiseling their way into my brain. There was no escape. This sort of pain made people irrational.

"Bella, please sit still," Charlie said. I registered again, that I was in a car on the road. I squinted through my lashes again and spied the very confusing components, dials and radio of Charlie's cruiser.

"Please Bella."

"What's happened?" I asked, my own voice startlingly painful to hear.

"I'm taking you to the ER."

"What happened?" I repeated.

"Why don't you tell me? Can you remember being at the house with Jacob?" he asked, shooting off his second question quickly like a correction.

"Jacob?" I said squinting, processing his name in my throbbing head. Even simple thoughts hurt.

Charlie only swore under his breath. I heard the sound of the cruiser's engine rev as Charlie accelerated abruptly.

"Charlie?" I said burrowing my head into my flannel shirt, hiding from the penetrating light.

Charlie didn't answer.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Bells?" he said.

"What's going on?"

"Jacob says you hit your head."

"Hit my head?"

"Then, he says, you lost consciousness when you went for a walk. Does any of this ring a bell?"

Charlie's voice was interrogative. He was suspicious but I wasn't entirely sure of what. I hadn't caught my bearings yet. I had no recollection beyond the last two minutes so I didn't answer right away. I tried thinking through the haze of my massive headache. Memories floated back slowly to the surface in reverse order. I felt sad, remembering my argument with Jacob. Then I remembered being happy stretching my memories a bit further back, recalling teasing and kissing during our private moment. I could recall having Jacob bring me home in my truck, but why? I wasn't sure. Then I remembered being thrown from the motorcycle and Edward's voice.

My stomach flipped. I was so caught off guard by the flood of memories it didn't enter my mind to contain a sudden bout of nausea. My stomach squeezed and expelled its contents. I was covered and wretching again before I could say," Pull over". The smell made me wretch some more. My stomach squeezed and released and then I heard the blaring of Charlie's siren. Then I was in sensory overload.

Whatever was happening, my disorientation didn't allow room to consider the seriousness of my situation. I thought through the pain for a moment. Cool and calm Charlie had gone from revving his engine to turning on his siren for a civilian problem. Unlike Charlie. For all of my injuries, I had never seen Charlie so cloaked in urgency. I wondered if a massive headache and being covered in my own vomit was worth all this trouble.

I was beginning to wretch again when I felt Charlie's cruiser come to a sudden. The noisy siren also stopped, thankfully, and the pressure in my head began it dissipate with the lessening of sensory input. I had not thought beyond my own discomfort until I realized that I was being lifted from the cruiser. Bright lights invaded my comfort zone. I writhed to hide my eyes but found my arms restrained against my body, held in place by Charlie's tight grip around my knees and shoulders.

"Can I get some help here?" Charlie yelled.

The lights grew brighter and I could sense several bodies starting to hover around me. I looked down at the tiles on the floor. Scuffed, worn and beige, they didn't reflect light. The medical staff cast long shadows onto the floor. I noticed through my eyelashes that they were all wearing thick soled white shoes. I wanted to throw my hands up to cover my ears to block sound but my limbs were still restrained. The sound of squeaking wheels pieced the air. I winced again. Finally, I was placed upon the stretcher and wheeled off into an even brighter and smaller room. This was beginning to feel like an alien abduction.

"Bella" I heard my name said with the gentleness of a woman's voice. "Have you taken any drugs today?"

I was writhing back and forth on the stretcher trying to cover my head with my arms, my clothes, anything, until I finally located the crook of my arm. I then realized for the first time I had regained the use of my limbs. "What? No!" I protested, thinking beyond the pain. Refocusing. Regulating my breathing. Laying still.

"Cold medications? Ibuprofen? Tylenol? Anything like that?"

"No."

"Any allergies?"

"No."

"Has anyone hurt you?"

"No," I repeated again. _Who would have hurt me? I couldn't get people to stop protecting me. _

Suddenly I heard Charlie's voice intervening to answer questions. "A friend says that she fell earlier today. She has a good sized bump on the back of her head."

Another nurse pulled out a pen light and then flashed it into my eyes, pulling each lid open one at a time. Excruciating. _I hate hospitals. They call this compassionate care? _A pressure cuff was wrapped around my left arm and my pulse was checked.

"Bumped your head today?" the gentle voice returned.

I nodded slowly to refrain from speaking.

"You think it'd be okay to change into a gown?" the woman asked.

"Sure," I said relieved to take off my vomit covered clothes. "Can I get something for this headache?"

"Soon," the gentle voice said, placing the gown next to me on the gurney and then sliding the false privacy curtain closed once everyone else had exited.

I removed my flannel shirt and long sleeved tee. My arm was still bandaged. I examined it and after having thought twice, decided not to remove the bandage. I put on the blue hospital gown and removed my jeans throwing all the dirty clothes into a chair. I buried my face into the firm, sterile smelling pillow. I breathed in and out several times to clear my sinuses.

I could hear the murmur of voices just beyond the curtain. I heard Charlie repeat what he'd told the nurse. His voice was laced with anxiety but still a controlled whisper. My head was splitting open. I smelled wretched and I was half naked on a gurney. All the while Charlie was whispering to prevent me from worrying.

I kept my face buried into the stiff hospital pillow. It protected me from the imposing light and filtered away the pukey smell of my clothes in the chair. I curled my body into a comfortable position until I heard the unmistakable sound of metal hooks fastened to the curtain, sliding against the rod, as the curtain was pulled open.

"Knock, knock." A familiar voice whispered. "That's one heck of a headache you've got there, huh?"

I shook my head in agreement. "Carlisle?" I asked as the voice registered the unique imprint it had made in my memory.

"It's been a while since you've been my patient," he said squeezing my hand gently in his cold one.

I raised my head from the pillow, turning my body straight again from a curled position, trying to sit up. My head began to spin.

"Bella, I think it'd be better to keep you lying down for right now," Carlisle instructed. He assisted me in lying down again, placing his hand onto my shoulder and under my head until it met the pillow. His golden eyes scanned my face. I watched him through the squint of my eyes as he examined my neck and my head. He dimmed the lights and asked me to follow his finger with my eyes. "Good. Very good," was his only response. Carlisle was great for positive reinforcement. He checked my reflexes and for the first time noticed the bandage covering the road rash on the interior of my left forearm. "What have you been up to Bella?" he asked as his concentrated composure changed into a straight and serious line; not casual. His voice was nearly scolding as if saying; _you should be taking better care of yourself. _His mouth pulled back waiting for me to answer.

"I fell. Earlier today."

Carlisle took a step back smiling, "You fall? I can believe that. Did you hit your head when you fell?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said turning my head to stare at the floor and slowly nodding my confirmation.

"When did that happen?"

"Earlier today," I said repeating myself, while attempting to sort out the fragments of time and space all jumbled together in my memory. "Earlier this afternoon."

Carlisle removed the bandage and examined the scrape. "It's good to see you again Bella. I'm so sorry that it is under these circumstances," he said helping me sit up on the edge of the gurney and then lifting my chin toward his face. I resisted momentarily keeping my eyes turned toward the beige floor tiles for fear of my reaction upon looking into his kind eyes. Carlisle had not only said I was part of his family, he had made me feel like I was truly one of them. Then he had gone with that family away from me without an explanation. It would have been an understatement to say that my feelings for this _man _where mixed.

Finally I gave way and pointed my eyes up toward his. A single tear ran from the corner of my eye. Despite all the pain I had been in, this is what put me over the edge. This was my breaking point. Carlisle, always the gentleman, wiped the tear away and quietly whispered that he'd get something for my headache. He turned to the nurse and spoke to her. Charlie, growing impatient, standing quietly in the corner, cleared his throat.

"Ah, Chief Swan," Carlisle said, drawing his full attention to placating Charlie's nerves. "I would say that Bella has post-concussion syndrome," his voice rose and fell alternately when speaking, lightening the mood. "She suffered an impact to the back of her head earlier today. My guess is _she fell backward_," he said glancing at me quickly and then turning to meet Charlie's eyes again. "It isn't a serious condition and will go away on its own. I think that she needs to get some rest for the next few days. I'm going to order a CAT scan to confirm. She also has a superficial abrasion on her arm but that isn't a serious either. This will all clear up on it's own with time"

"Why didn't she become sick right away if it's a concussion," Charlie asked unsatisfied.

"Concussions are bizarre things. It doesn't appear that the impact to Bella's head was severe but as you and I both know, this isn't the first time she's knocked her head." Carlisle smiled with the comedic truth and familiarity of his statement.

Charlie nodded with the thoroughness of Carlisle's diagnosis. He seemed relieved, standing tall to stretch his back and putting both his hands in his front pockets. I was surprised to realize that my headache was starting to ease on its own. Carlisle disappeared behind the hospital curtain and then returned a moment later with a sip of water and two white tablets. "This is for the headache and something for nausea, just in case and," he paused, putting his hands into his pockets and pulling a package from his lab coat, "an ice pack." Carlisle laid me back down on the stretcher. "This probably won't do anything," he whispered very quietly into my ear, "but Dad's like to see a lot of stuff going on when their little girl is sick," he winked.

Carlisle stood to Charlie's eye level again. "You can take her over to radiology for the CAT scan now and um," he paused again, "lets see what we can do about finding you something less conspicuous to wear," he said frowning at my filthy clothes in the chair.

I frowned. "You can just throw those away," I said pointing to the smelly mess.

Carlisle went over the test results with Charlie while I changed into my clothes, which had been cleaned during my scan. Tests confirmed Carlisle's theory. According to him, I just needed to take it easy. I was to spend the next seven days resting, staying off my feet and definitely not "falling down anymore". Charlie left to go clean out the car for our drive home after having laughed with Carlisle over a few "girl in the bubble jokes". Charlie had returned to his cool and calmly collected self. I was also beginning to feel better, the headache already merely a dull pain and my stomach no longer sour.

This was the first opportunity I'd had to speak with Carlisle alone. His face was caring and serious. He seated himself next me on the couch, where I sat, in the waiting room. His proximity was closer than that I had experienced with his kind, aside from Edward. Carlisle was truly gifted at restraint and masquerading as a human. His body language showed that not only was he listening but that he cared about the questions I was asking.

"How long have you been back?"

"Not, long Bella. A few weeks."

"Are you staying permanently?" I asked, my voice wavering with carefully checked emotion.

"We are returning. But it will be a slow process," he said nodding his head in agreement with his statement. He wanted me to know he wouldn't lie to me.

I looked away from him for the next series of questions. I needed the courage to get the answers that I required but I also feared looking into his eyes would diminish that courage. Carlisle had always been so kind to me. Always straightforward and honest. His sincerity was unreasonably inhuman and unreasonably anything else for that matter. He was the heir of compassion.

"Why did you leave," I asked, breathing in deeply as I awaited the answers to questions that have plagued me for months.

"We thought that it was what was best for you."

Not satisfied with his answer I pushed further. "How was adopting me into your family and then leaving me for the best," I asked my voice firm, "In your opinion," I said in a way that was possibly hurtful. I softened my voice and asked again to explain. "Edward told me that he doesn't love me anymore. I didn't believe him and I need to believe in someone right now."

Carlisle swallowed, as though anxious to answer these questions in Edward's stead. He then reached for my hand. "Bella," he paused. "It isn't my place to talk about Edward's feelings but I think that it is fair to say that his leaving was because of how much he _does_ love you, not from the lack there of. To keep you safe." Carlisle's lips tightened into a line.

I wiped a tear from my face with the freshly laundered sleeve of my flannel shirt then returned Carlisle's stare, frowning. I didn't want to make Carlisle feel any worse. I could read sadness in the lines of his face. I knew that of all people, he would have only made the decision that was made because he truly felt it was for the best. There were few people I could say that about. No one else put the well being of others before themselves so constantly, the way Carlisle did. From his perspective my safety would have been paramount. It was Carlisle's philosophy to preserve human life, life in general. My continued existence was integral to his plan. Though I was a step closer to the answers that I've needed, I wasn't there yet. I needed to speak with Edward. I needed him to tell me to my face that he loved me so that I could finally tell him that it was too late. "Carlisle, I guess then I need to speak with Edward."

"I know."

"When will he be back?"

Carlisle looked confused for a moment. His body retained the stiff rigidity of his kind, if only momentarily before he fell, expertly back into the masquerade. "He is back. You have seen him."

I wiped away another tear. I knew in my heart that he may have returned. It made sense that he'd prowl his way into my room through my bedroom window, as he often did, before I had invited him in. Though I had had these suspicions I had never been sure and certainly hadn't seen Edward.

"You saw him today. Edward told me himself. He called and told me about you accident."

"What accident?"

"Please Bella. You and I both know that you didn't just fall. You had an accident with a motorcycle today."

"I never saw Edward or told him that," I said astonished, my voice wavered with confusion.

"No. He said that you collapsed just as he was approaching you and the wol-" he cut off, " your boyfriend."

"Edward? Jacob?" I said puzzled.

"Well, I guess they talked and Edward found out that you had been in the accident. He called me here at the hospital for advice of what to do. I told him to bring you here. He called a few minutes later to say that Chief Swan was bringing you in."

I breathed in and out a few times absorbing the new details of this afternoon.

"That is how I knew exactly what was wrong with you prior to any testing. You really should be more honest with your doctors. If I hadn't known about the accident, we'd have had no idea what was wrong with you. Merely saying that you fell wasn't much of a lead."

"I know. I'm sorry, I guess. I have to go now. Charlie is probably waiting for me."

Carlisle squeezed my hand one last time and then pulled me into a hug. "It is good to see you again Bella. We've all missed too." Carlisle pulled away smiling.

"Me too," I said, distracted. "I have missed you too," I said shaking my head. "I may see you soon. Oh, and if you talk to Edward again please tell him…"

"I will see that he gets that message."


	8. Chapter 8

Scary Stories

Chapter 8

This day easily felt like one of the longest days of my life. Accidents, arguments, the emergency room visit, the awkward reunion and confrontation should have been more spaced than experienced over the course of one single day. It had been too much. It was a bit overwhelming to think back on it all. As exhausted as I was I shuttered to returned home because there was still Jake to deal with, though I felt this way in the kindest sense.

He was sitting on the front stoop when we pulled into the driveway, his long legs bent at the knee where his elbows rested. He cradled his head in the fold of his arms. He looked anything but comfortable. In the end I didn't really feel like I needed to _deal_ with Jake. He was always dealing with me. The fact that he sat all evening on my front stoop was proof of that.

"Ah, Dad. You could have let him wait inside."

"A little waiting outside never killed anyone. It's not even raining," he defended.

I gave Charlie a sideways look.

"Besides, I told him to head home."

"Yeah. Like that was going to happen."

Charlie nodded in agreement. Jacob never looked up from the position he held watching Charlie and I converse in the cruiser before exiting the car. I, on the other hand couldn't take my eyes off of him. His eyes were red and swollen. My heart sank. To my recollected I had never before had a boy cry because of me. I hadn't started my career as a heart breaker until moving to Forks. Back in Phoenix I was just ordinary.

It was humbling to see Jake in this way. His body was massive to fit the size of his heart. He only turned his head to meet my gaze as I approached him.

"You didn't have to wait for-" I started to say before Jacob cut me off.

"Yes I did," he said in all seriousness. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I don't even know where to start," I said, exasperated, while squeezing onto the stair next to Jacob. I slung my right arm over his back, noticing that he was covered with dried leaves and dirt. I swept the debris from his shirt and then gently rubbed his back.

Charlie started to walk up to stairs slowly.

"Chief Swan." Jacob said raising Charlie's attention.

"Yes Jacob," Charlie said automatically. He seemed ready for this conversation.

"I am sorry that I wasn't able to keep Bella safer. I-" he paused. "This sort of thing-"

"Jacob, son, please no apologies. No explanations. I have had one hell of a day and I can hear everyone's apologies but yours. You haven't done anything to apologize for." Charlie looked down at me and then breathed in deep, looking up at the house. His chest swelled and then he exhaled. "All I want to do is wash up and find something mindless to watch on tv." Charlie pursed his lips and then looked at Jacob before making it to the front door. He tousled my hair as he went past. "Bella, don't forget Dr. Cullen's orders. Rest." Charlie said closing the front door.

Jacob sat straight up when the word "Cullen", left Charlie's lips.

"I thought you went to the ER?" Jacob questioned.

"I did."

Jacob's eyebrows furrowed as he organized his thoughts. "Dr. Cullen is practicing in the hospital emergency room?"

"I guess so, 'cause that's where I saw him," I said nonchalantly.

Jacob inhaled two large breaths of air, exhaling both slowly.

"What is the matter?" I asked him.

"Huh, never mind," Jacob said pulling me closer to him. "I should be asking you that question," he said, burying his face into my hair.

"Um, you may not want to do that." I warned, explaining about my fit of nausea.

"Well, Charlie says you are supposed to rest so I'm going to get out of here so you can," Jacob said standing, then reaching out to help me up from the stair.

"Hey, why don't you take my truck home and you can come by tomorrow to pick me up," I suggested.

Jacob pulled his lips over his teeth, hissing in a breath of air. "I don't know if Charlie would like that."

"What do you mean?"

"This is kind of my fault," Jacob said, looking into his hands.

I shook my head. "No Jacob. None of this is your fault," I said taking him into my arms. I held him there tightly for a moment pressing the side of my face against his chest. Jacob's hands moved through my hair and down my back.

"I'm so glad you are okay," he breathed into my hair, his voice becoming watery.

"I know," I paused, still holding him. "Jake?"

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Take my truck," I insisted.

Jacob pulled away from our embrace to look into my face. "I'm sorry," he said wiping an errant tear from his eye. "I'll take you truck," he said clearing his throat, regaining his composure. "I'll take you truck and be back tomorrow."

Sunday couldn't have been more perfect, restitution for the ruined first date that Jacob and I had looked forward to, and that had been cut disastrously short. Jacob agreed to visit at my house. Pushing Charlie's nerves at this juncture by insisting on going out was a far cry from reasonable. I didn't want to risk Charlie having an aneurism, another day wasted in the ER. Regardless, I just wanted Jacob to be with me. It was of little consequence where we were.

We watched some TV and a movie. We played cards and Charlie ordered pizza. Time passed quickly. It was nearly seven o'clock when Charlie rose to say that he was going to give Jacob a ride home. Charlie waited in the car while Jacob and I stole a private moment to bid each other good-bye. He pulled away, wrinkled his nose and then headed out the door.

Monday, I anticipated being my only real day of rest. I arranged for Lauren to get my list of assignments from my teachers and leave the collection in the office for Charlie to pick up that afternoon. According to Charlie, resting still involved completing my school work. I tried reasoning with him.

"A concussion is a _brain injury,_ Dad."

"Right so work the brain to make it stronger so next time you're hangin' around in the woods, or at the beach doing whatever it is that you kids do, you'll be more careful because you'll have that much more to lose." Charlie gave me a coy smile after his brief lecture. He grabbed his jacket and belt from the rack, readying himself for work, before finally leaving.

I poured myself some Cheerios and settled down in the living room. In my literature class we were starting to reading _Animal Farm_ by George Orwell. I eyed the book skeptically. It wasn't a long book. I figured I could make short work of it today and then sweat through calculus, chemistry and government the rest of the week.

I propped a pillow on the arm of the couch, rolled up the legs of my favorite sweat pants, and settled in. I hadn't even finished eating my cereal when I was inspired to get up and open a window to let some fresh air in. The air was cool but comfortable. I pulled the curtain open so as not to block the flow of fresh air. I returned again to the couch, chewed a few more bites of cereal and then cracked open _Animal Farm_. I hadn't made it all the way through the section on the author when I heard the sound of someone pulling into the driveway.

I heard the sound of gravel being kicked up in the driveway as the car rolled in. The car's engine was loud, but sounded finely tuned, something kept loud so that people would take notice; like it was something to be proud of. I wondered briefly if the sound of an engine was completely dependant on the make and model of a car or if it were possible that a mechanic could have some influence.

I didn't have to get up to know who my guest was. I quickly rolled down the legs of my sweats completely disregarding a brief idea to go upstairs and change into something decent. I was afraid that he'd leave, thinking I was asleep if he couldn't hear me yell that'd "be down in a minute" while I was changing upstairs and he was knocking downstairs. There was also the problem of my hair. It was still in its rat's nest state of being that could hold all day, if only it were fashionable. I finger combed my hair quickly and used a hair tie to fasten a messy bun to the back of my head. I was able to compose myself casually on the couch just as Jacob started to ascend the stairs to the front door.

When Jacob came to the door he didn't knock. Quietly…no, silently, he opened and closed the door. He moved like a phantom, without making a sound as he approached the stairway. He was just about to take the first stair when his nose wrinkled and he turned his head and spotted me watching him. I waited for him bright eyed and smiling. His face, which had seemed very serious turned to warm, his wide smile glowing.

"Whoa!" he said. "You scared me," he said still smiling, holding one hand to his chest as if to monitor the beat of his heart.

"Yeah, well, what did you think you were doing, entering a girl's house without permission," I flirted.

"I thought you might be asleep. I wanted to surprise you."

"Sounds like you wanted to _scare_ _me_, sneaking up on me like that"

Just then, Jacob's face fell. His light and warm facade immediately melted into a dark exterior. His brows cinched casting shadows over his eyes. "I have never wanted that," he said seriously. His mood swing was like a dark overcast spoiling a sunny day.

I stood up, realizing that I had touched a nerve. I took one of his hands in both of mine and looked _way_ up at him. I tilted my head sideways and smiled. "Then lighten up," I said throwing my arms around him. He held me there for a long time, searching my back with his hands and stoking his cheek against my hair.

"I never want to scare you," he said like a whisper.

_Where is this coming from? _"You don't scare me," I comforted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I haven't had a lot of sleep," he explained. "I stayed up all night putting the Rabbit back together so I could make my way over here today."

"I guess you did. Why is it that you're not at school," I interrogated.

"Oh," it was nice to see Jake smile again, "you'll love this," he paused, delaying to imitate anticipation, "new policy at school. Any unexcused absences, than you can't graduate."

"Okay, you're point?"

"Told Billy to call me out or I won't graduate. Brilliant, isn't it?" he said standing tall, proudly.

"No," I disagreed. "You shouldn't manipulate Billy like that and besides didn't you miss a ton of school already, when you were sick?"

"All _that_ just needs to be made up by the end of the semester. Who cares anyway? I'm not really that into school. I wanted to come by to help you _rest,_" he shrugged, winking.

I breathed out deeply to express disapproval.

"I'm a mechanic, Bella," he defended. "That is who I am. I don't need to read about Chaucer or learn government bs to know how to make a sweet classic purr." Suddenly he lowered his voice. He wanted me to know he was serious. He became less animated and looked down at me. His eyes narrowed with worry. "Can you accept that?"

I was startled. It had never occurred to me that Jacob may think of me as a snob with my forced study dates or my lecture now on skipping school. I nodded my head to his question. "Yes."

"Good," he smiled again. "Now who's the one who has to 'lighten up'?" he joked grabbing me by my waist and pulling me down into his lap on the couch. We sat there for a long time. We giggled and played with each other's hands. My hands were so much smaller than his. I could wrap my _whole_ hand around only just two of his fingers. Our skin tones were also so different. When I looked at my hand resting in his it occurred to me that we came from two different worlds. Jacob's world was exciting for me, a mystery. I was suddenly eager to learn more about his family, friends and the Quileute people in general.

Jacob was very receptive to a question and answer session. He rubbed the tip of his nose against my neck, occasionally leaving the warm imprint of his lips there. We whispered back and forth to each other, for no other reason then to express the shared intimacy of whispering. I was in heaven.

I learned a lot about his people talking with him in this way. He told me of how he and his friends wanted to put the Rabbit project aside to find a classic Ford Thunderbird. When I asked him why a Ford, and not another Volkswagen, as I had anticipated, Jacob explained that the Thunderbird is a mythical creature to many Native American people. "I just thought it would be a cool concept," he explained. "Like a tribute to my people and my hobby." Jacob mouth turned down, "It's not exactly easy to tie those two things together," he paused. "Besides they're a sweet ride," he said smiling again.

"This must be boring you," he remarked.

"No," I said shaking my head vigorously. "Not at all. I think this is fascinating."

The morning went by like this for a long time. Jacob told me several stories about the Quileutes. "When I was young," Jacob said folding and unfolding my hand in his, "my babysitter, this old nut who lived up on the rez, used to tell me stories before bed about this old lady who kidnapped naughty children and would eat them," Jacob cringed. "Isn't that awful," he remarked.

I thought for a second and then responded, "No," I disagreed. "Just as bad as any other stories kids are told so that they'll behave," I commented. "The Grimm's Fairy Tale collection is filled with children being eaten for misbehaving. In those stories characters cavorted with the devil, paid horrible penances, were imprisoned in towers. I think that adults just like to tell their children scary stories."

Jacob nodded agreeing with me but his face fell again. Jacob's mood today was like the rising and falling of tidal waves. Charlie's claim, that Quileute boys were tied to their land was very accurate. I decided then that I had given Jacob the right answer. _I can accept that._

My concentration was interrupted by the loud rumble of Jacob's stomach.

"Oh," I said moving from his lap.

"Sorry."

"Oh," I shrugged, "don't be," I said getting up from the couch. "I'm just going to go upstairs and get dressed for the day real quick and then I can make something for us for lunch."

"Oh," Jacob said, grabbing my hand before I could take off up the stairs. "You have no idea, do you," he grinned. "I think you look good. Real good," he flirted, his voice deepening.

I pulled away from him and started to climb the stairs. He refused to release my hand. I took a step up and he took a step up.

"Well, I guess you're just going to have to come with me," I flirted back.

"Can I?" he asked taking two steps up the stairs toward me.

I stood frozen. "I, ah, um-" I said stumbling over my words.

Jacob scooped me up into his arms.

"What are you doing?" I spoke nervously, my voice wavering.

"Helping you rest," Jacob said climbing the stairs two at a time. Before I knew it, I was dropped on my bed. I sat up and Jacob dropped to his knees in front of me on the floor. I leaned my body into his, nuzzling his neck, breathing in his earthy scent.

He turned his face toward mine and planted his lips against mine. Our mouths explored each other for an indefinite period of time. His hands smoothly caressed up and down my back, finally settling one hand on my waist and the other encircling me. He pulled me closer to him. I turned my head up to encourage him, offering him my neck. He kissed down my jaw to my neck and back up to my lips.

He pulled away breathing deeply. I expressed my excitement the same way, my chest rising and falling. My whole body was tingling. I had never experienced real physical excitement. I had never been allowed to throw my eager self into my work. I decided, not wanting to pass up this opportunity, I would make the most of it.

I took Jacob's hand from my waist and scooted backward, further onto the bed, then laying flat on my back. I pulled Jacob with me, who willingly followed kneeling over my body, watching me. A throbbing vein in his neck defied his slow deep breaths. He closed his eyes and began kissing me again. His hand slowly pulled up a corner of my tee, exposing my abdomen. His hot hand grasped my hip and then wrapped around my waist, pulling my body toward his.

Jacob pulled away from me wrinkling his nose. His eyes burrowed into mine. I lay very still, confused.

"What's wrong," I said propping myself up onto my elbows. Jacob backed away from me just as his loose hair was blown wild by a sudden, chilled gust of wind. I turned my body facing the window. The yellow curtain whipped like a loose sail smacking back and forth against the walls. The silence of the room was startling. There were no more heavy breaths. In fact, I wasn't positive, but I think Jacob was not breathing at all.

"Bella," said the voice in my head only Jacob's head whipped as fast as the sheer curtain had. His startled response was proof the voice was real this time. Not in my head. In my room.

My cheeks flushed. I felt warm and my breathing seemed shallow. I was choked up. I felt shame.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. "I'm here to speak with Bella," he said his eyes looking sad. Edward was talking to Jacob but watching me.

Jacob stood with his feet plastered to the floor but I could feel the vibrations of his body running up through the floor into the bed, where I was still sitting. Somehow he seemed like this was _in_ control.

Edward backed away from the corner and toward the window. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I was told that you wanted to speak with me," Edward said looking away from me, to the floor. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

Jacob looked from Edward's face to mine. I locked eyes with him. I was still not speaking. This was becoming a problem. My mouth fell open, not sure of what I was defending or what I needed to say. I hadn't orchestrated this meeting but somehow it fell on me to rectify it.

"Yes, but not now Edward," I said my eyes darting back and forth between Jacob and Edward. It seemed like these two were opposing currents and standing between them would prevent disaster, only I wasn't worried for Jacob. Edward didn't appear to have any fight in him. I stood up to better put my body between peace and a physical altercation. I watched Jacob as I stood with my back to Edward. Suddenly the air left me lungs and I was thrown back onto the bed. An instant and both were gone. The curtain rod pulled down. The sheer yellow material floated down, outside the window to the grass below. There was no sign of Jacob or Edward. For the first time in a _very_ long time, I felt completely alone.


	9. Chapter 9

Forest Colors

Chapter 9

There was no sign of Jacob or Edward anywhere. It looked like a tiny tornado had centralized entirely in my room, leaving a trail of destruction in its path. Books were toppled over, off of shelves. The monitor to my computer was also knocked onto the floor, the screen cracked. I didn't know what had just happened but somehow Edward had broken into my room and kidnapped Jacob and destroyed half of my possessions in the process.

There were no words to describe. "Livid" didn't quite cover it because I was shocked into immobility. I couldn't energize myself enough to call myself angry. Despite all these thoughts coursing through my brain, processing my situation, breath was trapped in my chest, feeding a small fire in my heart. I felt adrenaline release like a drug finally fixing through my veins. I slipped on jeans and grabbed a fleece pull over. I had been activated. Despite everything that had happened, if I could find Edward, he would listen. If I could find him.

I ran downstairs and out the front door. Nothing. No one. Not a sound. Nothing was stirring. I ran around to the back of the house. Some tree limbs were bent back, toward the trail, broken, like an arrow directing them on their collision course. I ran out onto the trail.

Suddenly there was a flash of red in front of me. Then it was to my right. Then all at once, all around me.

"Edward?"

There was no response.

"Jacob?" I said my voice dropping off, lost in emotion. Fear.

I walked slowly forward. The only sound I could hear was the intense beating of my heart. There were no birds, no creatures stirring on the forest floor. Everything stood still. A flash of brilliant color ran up and down the trunks of trees, causing the branches to dance, back and forth as if all at once animated.

"I have waited so long for this moment," said a sing songy voice.

The predator stopped in front of me. I looked around having for the first time realized that I had been intentionally lured off the trail. I looked around.

"You have your own personal secret service. It is has been very hard to get close to you. But, at last, here we are," the crystal chiming voice said.

My voice was caught in my throat. Victoria crouched in front of me, bending at the knees. She was very still. Inhumanly still. Concentrated hatred spilled from her expression. She was both determined and frightening.

Victoria continued her monologue. "You keep some dangerous friends. Vampires guarding your woods. Wolves in you bed. I would have preferred it the other way around of coarse, but suit yourself," her voice a terrible song.

I watched her. Victoria had my attention. Hell, she had my life in her hands. The least I could do was pay attention. Victoria clawed the air around her still crouching. Her wild red hair rose in the breeze like a glorious flame. Weightless.

"Those two must be knocking down mountains by now."

"Two?"

"Ah, the meal speaks," her laughter rang out impervious. "I thought I might be able to allow you to destroy Edward yourself. I could have just sat back watching him watching you hugging and kissing that DOG. That might have been restitution enough for James but all this watching and waiting has given me such a _thirst_." Victoria's body writhed with the strength of her need.

My hands were trembling uncontrollably. I felt nauseous.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you. Not yet. I decided I'm going to go cold turkey like those fascinating Cullen's of yours. You and me, we'll spend some time together. Maybe, I'll give you what neither of your lovers could give you. I could bite and see if I could stop before your heart does," she said clawing the air, pushing me backward. "Oh, but that would be unintentional. You understand."

I stepped back as she continued to claw her alabaster hooks toward me. She was toying with me. I continued backing up. Step. Breathe in. Step. Breathe out.

The sideways smile on Victoria's face widened her cherry colored lips, flushed with the anticipation of blood lust. I stepped. Breathed. Stepped. Suddenly I fell backward, tripping over my own feet, my ankle twisted, my hands filled with damp green moss. My eyes locked on Victoria.

She hissed as she began to descend upon me. She moved like a cat, her shoulders rounded in turn as she crept toward me on all fours. My head swam. I was going to die.

I closed my eyes. All the good things in my life flashed in my mind. All the wonderful moments that had passed culminated in the single event that was about to transpire. I had no regrets. There was no one to blame. If this was the end, at least I was at peace. That is all anyone can ask for.

***************************************

I held Jacob's fur as his teeth gripped deep, through my hand. I worried that letting go would be the loss of that limb. His sharp teeth had torn through my hard flesh. It had been many years since I'd felt pain such as this. We had breached the wall of the forest. Jacob picked up the pace as we became invisible in the darkness of trees. Jacob flung my body against tree after tree, trying to get me to release my grasp. When he finally let go of my hand I pulled out the fur I'd been clinging to. I let the reddish brown fur float slowly to the ground, sprinkling it from my fingers.

Jacob wasn't thinking anything coherent. Emotions by themselves are harder to read. I only knew how he felt and could only guess as to why. I crouched, ready for his next attack. He could no longer use the element of surprise to get the upper hand.

"_Why can't you leave us alone?"_ Jacob was baring his teeth.

"I just can't Jacob. There are forces working against…" I was cut off in Jacob's throaty growl. I decided then that he didn't really want an explanation. He wanted me to follow his orders.

"Someone is out here," I said, waving my good hand about, indicating all of the forest. "Someone who wants to hurt Bella."

"_She doesn't need you," _he growled.

"To stay alive, she does." I said letting my meaning sting.

"_Leave."_

"Can't do that Jacob."

"_There's no one out here,"_ he thought. _"You are just too weak to move on."_

"If only that were the case," I said maintaining my guarded stance, "but I have not been able to catch what is lurking in these woods. The creature," I couldn't bring myself to call the succubus monster by name, "wants to drink _her _blood. Me staying close to Bella keeps her safe."

_  
"NO!"_

"Bella hasn't left my sight in weeks, except when she's been to La Push with you, where I know that the guardians would keep her safe. I've never broken the treaty to stand my guard."

Jacob's dark eyes stared for a moment, his thoughts, jumbled string, slowly began to unravel.

"_Then what the fuck were you doing, busting in on me and Bella this afternoon?"_

"Victoria," the sound of her name caught in my throat and made it burn, "she's getting impatient. She thinks she can take an immature werewolf. Knock out one of Bella's sentinels. You were the easiest target-"

"_I'm not weak," _Jacob's rage was building.

"I'm not saying you are. You can get close to Bella. I can't. Taking you out incapacitates her. I moved in time for her to see that two-on-one was a fight that would destroy her."

"_What happens to you when all this ends?"_

"I leave again. I will always attract danger to Bella. I could never live with myself if something happened to her that was of my influence."

"_So I have your word that after this is taken care of, you'll leave."_

"I don't make promises to you. The only promises I make are to Bella. When she is safe, I can move on."

Jacob growled at me like before. He held his head low to the ground, preparing to pick up speed. He would need to learn to clear his mind if he ever wanted to catch me off my guard. He dashed for me. I dodged the attack moving to the left and kicking his flank. He made no sound. I didn't want this wolf to think he could have anything on me in a fight, so as he turned, making a wide arch to gain speed and come at me again, I braced myself to dodge the attack again. This time Jacob was clearly thinking, "_throat"._ I jumped to the right this time, only stopped short by the stinging pain from the wolf's teeth tearing into flesh of my arm.

My whole body lunged forward as Jacob stopped and then released me. I was thrown a distance of several yards. Jacob's growls continued. He wanted me to leave or die, or both for all he cared. He didn't know that I didn't have a choice. Bella was my life, and whether he wanted that or not was no concern of mine. I wasn't going anywhere, yet. Jacob's thoughts were venom, poisoned with hatred and jealousy. He was a skilled fighter; I was learning. He was fast in his human form, much faster in his wolf form. It must be frustrating to have to hide your full potential from the one you love. He threw me against another tree. The trunk cracked upon impact. I had no breath to be knocked out of me. My clothes were torn and dirty but he wasn't leaving any permanent damage. Maybe he didn't want to kill me. His bias wasn't making him hate me. He just wanted Bella to himself.

_Leave. Leave. Leave_, were his only thoughts. It was hard to gauge what the wolf was capable of. His intentions and his outcomes were often so different. He was capable of losing control. Losing his temper. Regardless, pulling me apart wasn't going to keep me away as long as Bella was still in the world. I also knew that I could hurt him. That would hurt Bella and Bella's pain intensified my own.

Jacob ran into me again, crashing his body into mine. This time my body impacted the narrow trunk of an immature douglas fir. The boughs above broke with the intensity of the collision below. The sound of cracking wood rang out over the canopy of trees.

*********************************************

Then the forest was silent again. Victoria circled around me, a blur I could barely see with only my human eyes. I tried to rise to my feet but my ankle was still twisted and I couldn't catch my footing in the damp soft moss covering the ground. I stammered unable to speak and lifted my body off the ground, using a tree to lean against.

My concentration was lost by a sound in the distance. Victoria's head whipped around, searching the air. Trees were falling in the distance. I wasn't alone after all. I screamed hoping that it was a friend uprooting trees in the distance. I was finally erect, and that is when she grabbed me.

I was flung over her shoulder. She moved fast making her escape with me. My brain couldn't register the flashes and blurs of color, where I was being taken or where I had been. The scenery blurred into the colors of the forest, streaks of green, brown, yellows.

Without warning she flung me to the ground again. She had stopped so abruptly that the momentum tossed me through the air. I landed dangerously close to a fallen tree. I'm not sure that my head could take anymore such impacts. I was nauseous again and disoriented. Afraid. Now Victoria's focus was centered elsewhere so I crawled over the fallen tree and grabbed a fallen branch from the ground.

There were the sounds of hissing somewhere, like two giant cats sparing off. The branches along the ground snapped as they were trampled. There was heavy breathing. I stayed hidden, close to the tree. I could see nothing but heard the sound a familiar voice, "get her out of here."

There was no response that I could hear and when I'd reorganized my orientation could see only Victoria flying about, her hair a red streak as she passed back and forth, between me, her prey and her escape route. Then I saw Edward, crouched into a protective stance between me and Victoria, her obsession not allowing her to take her eyes from me. She had been so close to getting the revenge she wanted. My eyes locked on hers. Her distracted stare made her vulnerable. "Get her out of here," Edward demanded again, his voice a piercing scream. He locked his body in place as he awaited Victoria's next move. He arched his arm out, blocking Victoria from taking another step in my direction. "I've got this," Edward argued.

Things were moving so fast, my adrenaline had me rising to my feet. If he could stay her off, I could run. Helplessness was a feeling I had difficulty dealing with. I gripped tighter on the soggy branch. It would not be long before everything I knew would be obliterated or all would be set right.

My mind raced. I weighed the situation waiting for a chance to make my move. My thoughts were as afraid for Edward as I was afraid for myself. He taught me the intensity of love, for my better or for worse. There were lessons that I needed to learn about my own heart and the heart that loved me back. Jacob showed me the fun and simplicity of life and love. Love isn't supposed to be complicated though having vampire stalkers who were trying to kill you or save you did interfere with the basic premise of our relationship.

My emotions were a wreck. I scanned the area and realized I had an important question of my own.

"Where's Jacob?"

"No now Bella,"

"What did you do with him?" I asked, now more afraid for Jacob then I was for myself.

Victoria's eyes squinted as she smiled.

"He's fine, He's here," Edward answered.

Then I heard Victoria's voice, "He killed him," she smiled. "I can smell his blood in the air," she said turning her gaze to Edward.

I screamed as I listened. I couldn't bare the pain of my heart ripping apart.

"No," Edward yelled, still holding Victoria at bay. "He's here. He says he loves you and he wants you to run."

"JACOB!" I started to yell, scream as my mind broke apart. "JACOB!"

Suddenly it was unclear who Edward was speaking to. Victoria's feet flitted about above the ground as she challenged Edward's speed.

"No Jacob! I've got this," Edward yelled.

"JACOB!" I yelled again, unsure if he could hear me. "JACOB! PLEASE ANSWER ME!"

A flash the color of russet jumped clear over me. The reddish brown creature stopped short next to Edward now clearly visible, no longer blurred by speed. It was a huge beast, nearly a foot taller than Edward. It was completely covered in fur.

Its dark eyes looked from me then to Victoria. Its long face pointed down at her as it opened its mouth baring its frightening, white and jagged teeth. It paused a moment before snapping into Victoria's neck. Edward joined in on the carnage.

I could look no more. I started to run.


	10. Chapter 10

Edward

Chapter 10

The air coursing down my throat burned. I had run so long and so hard that my knees were numb from adrenaline, masking pain. Pain was better than death and I was alive.

My mind wasn't processing all of these moments; the scents or sounds of the forest, the colors and shapes. Nothing was defined. My perceptions were dulled by the lack of focus. The beast had bitten through Victoria's throat. Her disembodied head fell to the ground screeching. I could no longer hear Victoria's cries. I knew that I hadn't run so far so as to escape her screaming as much as Victoria's ability to make the awful sound had been stopped. Victoria may have been a monster but I shuttered thinking of the horror. I had never expected to see such graphic violence; the tearing apart of another living thing, unliving thing, anything. I moved to block out the image but I couldn't help by replay the scene in front of me as though observing a film. The reality of the present and the grotesque images in my mind were separate and transfixed. Each idea a superimposition over the other.

I continued to run. My heart was pounding, throbbing like it were to explode from my chest. My feet caught on the low roots of trees, and I had several times, scraped the palms of my hands, having saved myself from falling. I had splinters throughout my skin from the grainy wood that broke my falls. I couldn't feel those yet.

My breathing started to hurt, to burn in my chest. My eyes watered from crying, from pain, from wind. I could barely see. I leapt over an exposed tree root and landed square onto a rock hiding in a cover of thick moss. My left ankle twisted. Pain wrenched up through my leg to my knee. I let out a yell. I was rendered useless, immobile. I tried to stand but rocked backward unable to support my weight with my left foot.

Then I felt a chill to my back.

"Can I help you?" I heard a familiar voice inquire.

I looked up at Edward but didn't answer him. I continued to try and stand on my own. I stood up onto my good leg but couldn't take even the slightest step on my twisted ankle.

"Always obstinate," Edward commented lifting me off the ground. I crossed my arms over my chest and submitted to being carried. _As if I had a choice._

"I wish you would at the very least pretend that you're happy to see me. I know that you have waited a long time to talk with me," he smiled. _Was he hopeful?_ _What was I?_

I had wanted so long to speak with him but now all of those feelings were obscured by other urgencies. The lines between enemy and friendship were blurred. In my confusion tears began to spill from my eyes as I looked up at him. My words jumbled up in my tears as I tried to speak. I felt overwhelmed, as though there were a thousand thoughts and questions rushing through my mind.

Edward didn't have to understand my words. He understood my meaning alone. "I know that you are scared," Edward comforted. He held me tightly against his chest. His body was stiff and, surprisingly cold. He was making me anxious and uncomfortable the way he held me. "Please," I struggled uselessly. "Put me down," I pleaded.

"Soon Bella," Edward soothed in his most persuasive voice. "I don't think that you can walk right now," he said, pressing his lips together. "And I think, by the direction you were running in, you got yourself turned around. I don't think that you could have found your own way out of here," Edward said grinning down at me. He made me feel like I was a foolish child. He laughed to himself, "You were closer to my house then your own."

I thought for a moment and didn't recall Edward changing our direction. "You're not taking me home," I concluded.

"I'm taking you to Carlisle."

"But I need to go home. I need to see Jacob. I need-"

"He'll be along soon enough. He had something he needed to," Edward paused, smiling, flashing his sharp white teeth, "finish." Edward shook his head. "That guy's got something to prove," he said judgingly. Edward smiled. "You'll have a lot to talk about," he chided.

"Don't talk about Jacob," I deflected, still crying.

"You can be angry with me if it makes you feel better, but everything you think that I've done, everything you are thinking right now, wasn't me. It was Jacob."

"What, you can read _my_ mind now?" I said attempting to lace my voice with sarcasm, but the effect lost in a fresh flow of tears. "You know what I'm thinking?"

"No," Edward grinned again. "I know your body language. I know every line of your face. Every cinch of your brows. Your narrow eyes. You are mad at me, but for something I haven't done."

_That's putting it lightly_. "What have you done with Jacob?"

"Me, nothing," he said looking away from my crying face. "You're not going to ask if I am okay?" Edward asked. I couldn't help thinking that there was something that Edward wanted to hear. He was testing my feelings for him and I didn't feel like giving Edward what he wanted just yet. There was only one thing that I could say. Only one subject of interest. Jacob. I said his name. It was the only word I could force through my frustrated and begrudging tears.

"Jacob is okay," Edward ensured.

My crying became uncontrollable. "What did you do to him?"

"Nothing Bella. I'm telling you the truth."

"You are?" my voice snapped and then I continued sobbing.

"I've never lied to you," he defended angrily.

"I suppose occasionally means NEVER to you," I challenged as Edward stepped into the clearing surrounding the Cullen family home.

"Never," he repeated confidently.

"You've lied to me. You're lying to me right now. Put me down," I demanded, anger reaching through my sadness.

Edward lowered me into the grass before the house. A gentle rain had begun to fall and coated the grass. I wiped away my tears, now mixing in the rain, swabbing my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. I breathed deeply to gain my confidence. "You are a Liar, Edward," I accused yelling at him. I noticed how good it felt to release these feelings. My body felt like a tightly wound wire loosening at the ends.

Edward stepped back surprised at my reaction. "What are you talking about?" Edward rolled his eyes wearily condescending.

"You say you've never lied to me," I said standing on my one good leg. Edward ran up next to me.

"Please do not stand. You may have injured yourself," he scolded. Edward's eyes shifted following the conversation. "I have always been honest with you Bella," he said shaking his head at my defiance. Edward came to my side and balanced me holding my arm to keep me from toppling over.

"Don't touch me," I shrugged away from him. "You lied to me the day you left me. The day you said you didn't love me."

Edward was quiet. He turned his face away from mine. I couldn't read him. This was Edward's honesty. He cloaked his features in obscurity so I could not doubt his sincerity. Rather then feeling guarded I found I trusted his vulnerability. He may have felt shame but according to him, his decisions were always justified. "I said what needed to be said. What you needed to hear to move on," he said taking my arm and wrapping it over his shoulder to support my weight.

"You are such a hypocrite. Bella sit. Bella stay," I raged. "Don't touch me," I said, as he continued to support my body. I flinched, trying to shrug him off again. "Its only okay, when you say it is. Only when you say its okay, can we be friends, can we be together, that I can even just touch you or keep the things I received as gifts, or keep my memories. You have had control over all of that and you do not warrant that power. You think you know what is best for everyone but you don't even know how to make yourself happy," I said poisoning my speech. "What kind of authority are you?" I paused. "Now where is Jacob?"

"Some things were just for the best," he said, his voice low.

"My room is trashed. I have no idea where my boyfriend is. I was attacked. I've twisted my ankle, watched another creature be torn apart and have a ton of explaining to do for Charlie so please just stop wasting my time!" I reasoned. "Admit that it was a mistake to leave me. That you were wrong. It was wrong to lie to me."

Edward watched me swab more tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. His mouth opened but he said nothing. His eyes were blank. "Ultimately," he frowned, "it was a mistake." Edward pulled me back down into the grass, into the rain. I wasn't even sure of all the reasons that I was crying anymore. Edward looked at me as though he would cry himself. He put his head against mine, both of us looking into hands dirty, bleeding, and speckled with debris. "I tried luring Victoria away from you but she kept slipping though my fingers. Kept coming back here."

The floodgates opened. All the pain from the past rushed back to remind me of the significance of this moment. Vindication. I could no longer hear what Edward was saying. I felt the wave of hurt crash over me.

"You don't have to be sorry anymore Edward. You just have to tell me what has happened to Jacob," I said concentrating on my breathing to calm down. "I have never asked for much, and rarely gotten what I've asked for. I just want to know where Jacob is."

Edward's face fell. Understanding smoothed his features. He pulled his face away from mine. "I don't know where Jacob is now," he said squinting his eyes in thought. "What happened in your room wasn't me. That was Jacob," Edward defended. "I've done some bad things Bella, but I would have never hurt him, because of my feelings for you." Suddenly, Edward looked happy. "You don't have to feel the same way, because it won't change my feelings but I do love you."

I didn't respond. I just looked away. Edward remained silent, waiting. _He wants me to tell him I love him. _"So Jacob is okay?"

"Yes."

I wiped my eyes again and breathed deeply. Edward was telling the truth.

"You love him. You love Jacob," Edward said.

"I don't know yet." I raised my hand to my heart. There was an emptiness there that I had not felt for some time. "I'm trying to be more careful this time."

Edward nodding, understanding my full meaning. "He loves you. I'm sure that he'll be along soon to see you. I have no doubt he doesn't want me alone with you."

"I know." I rested my hands in my lap again. My crying had stopped. I smiled. "I have strong feelings for him. He makes me happy and he has really been there when I needed him," I said.

Again, Edward nodded. "I haven't been there the way you've needed me. That is why we are _here_ today."

"I don't know, Edward," I sighed. "I can't say that I know how things would have turned out. Maybe Alice could tell you what all of our possible outcomes were. Part of me wished that maybe she had and you know that things would have been different, but we can't change the past. There's no reason for me to know what could have been. This is where we are now." I reached out and took Edward's hand. His cold hand was limp as it rested in my own. "I can't change the fact that I've moved on."

Edward's face remained stoic. His golden irises swirled but the rest of him remained completely motionless.

"You always got whatever you wanted Edward." I squeezed his hand. I wasn't going to hold back on the truth now that I had this one of a kind oppurtunity but I knew from the stiff unmoving lines in his face that this was hurting him. "You wanted me to move on."

Edward released my hand, stood up and walked away but said nothing. His gate was long and fast as he walked toward the house. I didn't feel like crying anymore. I didn't feel emptiness anymore. I wasn't even worried for Jacob anymore. I understood now. Edward finally understood me because I had told him my truth. The feeling was one of the most satisfying I had experienced.

He pulled his Volvo from the garage. The sound of the engine made its same old familiar hum. Edward helped me up from the ground and assisted me in walking to the car. "I am going to bring you home now," he said as I limped.

"I thought that you wanted me to see Carlisle?" I asked.

"You know what is best for you."

**********************************************

A thick pillar of smoke rose up from the woods behind Charlie's house. Everything exterior to the house was still. There was no evidence of the destruction that had taken place earlier today. I got out of the car without saying a word. Edward's face was still and calm the whole ride. I looked back to wave good-bye. He started pulling out of the driveway without looking back at me.

I couldn't help but feel guilty for Edward's hurt feelings. I wondered briefly, if the pain he felt was the same as mine had been when he first left me. I couldn't help but conclude that all of this could have been avoided, despite how much I had missed Edward, loved Jacob or tried to make all the best decisions that I could everything continued to fall apart. I now knew that if Edward had not left, we would still be together. Jacob and I may or may not even be friends, but definitely not together and I'm not sure that I would have regretted that future, even if I may never have been happy. I told Edward the truth when I concluded that we couldn't go back now. I had no regret in telling him that _our_ fate, the one he had decided when he left me, when he told me that he no longer loved me had been his call. He had decided everything then.

The phone was ringing inside. I looked toward the house. Edward paused at the end of the driveway. I climbed the stairs slowly limping. Edward watched as the door closed and then drove away.

Whether or not I belonged with Jacob, I was unsure. There was a mystery surrounding that bizarre friend. A confidant. There was so much he wasn't telling me, which I had ultimately concluded was his right. Whatever feelings we have for each other, whether reciprocated or not, we were still entitled to our secrets. A secret was not the same as a lie, but as of now, Jacob still didn't owe me anything. The truth is always necessary, and denying that, is where Edward had failed. Not just in his lie, but in his estimation of what I was capable, what I could handle. I was not a porcelain doll, fragile and breakable. I am a person who deserves the right to make my own decisions. For Edward to actually not love me and leave me was one thing. That was not what happened. He denied me free will. He denied me the opportunity to make my case and left me no possible resolution. That in and of itself was unforgivable. Though I knew that I still loved him. It was too late for me as well.


	11. Chapter 11

Choices

Chapter 11

"…and I wish you would have a least come home, even if you aren't going to talk to me and weren't going to answer the phone," I heard Jacob's voice. The answering machine had picked up his call. "I waited for you to get back," he sighed long and deep into the receiver, "but you disappeared with _him_." Now his voice was snide. I ran to the phone to answer it. "Well, I guess that you've made your decision."

I lifted the phone receive, just as Jacob decided to slam his down. "Jacob!?" I said into the phone. There was no response. I listened for a dial tone, punched in his number. The line at Jacob's was busy. I hung up and tried again. Still busy. I looked at the clock. I had lost total track of time during today's… adventures. 2:55pm.

_So much for taking it easy for the next couple of days. _I scribbled out a note for Charlie. Hopefully I would be back before Charlie would come home from the station, but just in case; I hung my hastily written note on the refrigerator door. There would be time to smooth over any complication that Charlie was going to give me later, but the situation with Jacob was tenuous. This needed my immediate attention. Before leaving I changed into dry clothes and smoothed out my hair, securing it into a ponytail. I dialed Jacob's number one last time. The line was still busy.

Leaving the house, I noticed my most immediate complication. Jacob's Rabbit was still parked behind my Chevy. There was no way my monster of an arthritic truck could maneuver out from the tiny space in front of the Volkswagen. I opened the driver's side door to the Rabbit. His keys dangled from the ignition. I stood there contemplating taking the car. He'd left it here, blocking me in, I justified. Did I have a choice? I slid into the driver's seat. The cold vinyl seats creaked under my weight. My breathing quickened. Soon there was no turning back. Ultimately, I was certain that Jacob would forgive this indiscretion when he understood my reasoning. He said himself, I made my decision, but in reality he had no idea what he was talking about. Jacob seemed to like to talk about my feelings without actually taking the time to ask me how I felt.

I reached underneath the seat to find the bar to pull the seat forward. It would be an understatement to say I couldn't reach the pedals. I was so far away from the clutch I might as well have been outside of the car. There was no bar. I felt again with my left and then closed my hand around something made of paper. It crunched in my hand as I touched it. I pulled it out from underneath the seat. It was the mysterious brown paper bag that Jacob had been carrying around since Saturday. I set the bag next to me on the passenger seat and then reached under the driver's seat again. Tempted, I turned away and pulled up on the bar while pulling the seat forward. I buckled my seat belt and the pressed my foot onto the clutch. I turned the keys in my hand and started the engine. I shifted the car into reverse, released the parking break and turned my head to the right to check the rear as I was backing up.

That was when the bag caught my attention again. I pressed my left foot back onto the clutch and my right foot onto the break. The car stopped moving. Shifting the car back into neutral, I couldn't take my eyes from the bag. The e break cranked as I jerked it up. I was past thinking about the consequences of my actions. I needed to continue to seize this day. I had finally started to get answers. They were all at a cost and I felt that I had long since paid my dues.

I grabbed the bag and gently unrolled the top. It looked as though it had been reused many times. Folds and creases lined the surface of the softened paper. I peeked inside but all I saw were clothes. I reached my hand inside and closed my hand around a soft cotton tee shirt. I pulled it out of the bag and held the shirt to my face. I closed my eyes against the worn softness of Jacob's shirt. I breathed in his scent and smiled. There was also a pair of black sweat pants. I pulled them out of the bag and unrolled them so I could refold them and replace them back into the bag neatly. A small leather strap fell from the roll of his pants. It was thin and cut from coarse leather. I picked it up and felt the smooth brown leather between my fingers. It was then that I discovered that it had been tooled; my name engraved into the leather surrounded by abstract swirls and circles in the shape of an animal's paw. On the backside of the strap the leather was softer, the color of fawn and the words "for her" carved into the center, with no other design. Beautifully simple. Poetic.

My body filled with warmth and tingles before I suddenly felt guilty for invading Jacob's privacy. Sadly I worried that I was doing was wrong. Anxiety rose up from my stomach and filled my chest. It sat there like a weight, keeping my breathing shallow. I replaced everything back into the bag and left it on the passenger side floor. I looked around outside the car. I needed to think before I could make anymore decisions. Everything that had happened today had been outside of my control. I couldn't change my history with Edward or that Jacob didn't like Edward at all. I couldn't help that Edward just appeared in my room or have control over the incident in the woods. I was abducted to the Cullen's house. I had become so accustomed to not having control that anxiety fogged my capacity to make my own decisions.

I had just invaded Jake's privacy. In doing so, learned that he had been honest with me and I felt badly for having not trusted him. I had thought very surely that Jacob didn't owe me any explanations at this juncture of our relationship; yet I was snooping around in his car.

_What was his car still doing here anyway?_

Jacob had called me on the phone. He'd left a message. I decided that I had to try one more time. I slipped his keys into my pocket and ran back into the house. I dialed Jacob's number frantically. The call rang. Again. Again. No answer. I hung up. I stood there thinking and fiddling with the phone cord. I worried myself thinking that I had called earlier and the phone had been busy but now maybe he had left and I'd lost my opportunity. I picked up the phone. _One more time_, I promised myself. It rang. Again.

"Hello?" Billy answered, his voice was abrupt.

"Oh, hey, Billy. It's Bella. Is Jacob around?" I said, still fidgeting, weaving the cord through my fingers.

"No."

"Do you know where he is?"

"NNNNope."

Frustrated. Reaching. "Um, was he there a little while ago?" I glanced at the clock. 3:04. Ten minutes ago, maybe? He called me and I'm trying to call him back."

"I don't know Bella." I heard the muffled sound of Billy's hand covering the receiver. A deep voice, probably Billy's, murmured in the background. "Is there something you need?" he asked. His voice was short. Billy was frequently becoming more and more impatient with me, I'd noticed.

_Jacob. _"I'm trying to call Jacob back," I explained again.

"He's not here."

"Alright then," I said perturbed. I then hung up the phone. Jacob was there, I had no doubt. He was there and he didn't want to talk to me.

The more I thought, the more I started to feel that fate owed me something. How was it that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep anything going smoothly in my life? _How difficult is it to have a boyfriend, granted many of my past decisions were questionable, but everything about Jacob was normal, excepting his extreme prejudice against "fictitious creatures". Jacob's hatred went further than mere jealousy over an ex-boyfriend. They were enemies. Opposing forces, like in Jacob's stories... _I held my breathe. Was Jacob completely normal or had I in the past immersed myself so much in the supernatural that I couldn't recognize it when it was right in front of me? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Jacob was anything but normal. He wasn't consistent like any of the other people I knew. Obviously, some are more consistent then others but Jacob had this whole Jekyll and Hyde thing that he'd been passing off; that I was ignoring, forgiving. Those personalities possessed by one body, even a very large one, didn't seem typical. It was suspicious at best. Than again maybe it was just teenage hormones.

Before I could psych myself out I was throwing the Rabbit into reverse and backing out of the driveway. If he wanted his car, he'd have to talk to me. For me to get a ride home, he'd have to drop me off. I didn't want to force his hand but he was leaving me little choice. I sped so fast down the road to La Push that I would have made the Cullens proud.

A gentle rain was still falling in patches along the road. The rain darkened the brown dirt on the shoulder, the black of the asphalt and the green of the leaves bordering the street. The sky was overcast leaving the air misty. What was I going to say to him? I thought to myself. I hadn't allowed myself much time to prepare for this confrontation. I wasn't even sure, in general how to breach the subject or what subject needed to be discussed. I hadn't exactly framed my questions. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Jacob was a mystery to me. I knew of his friends and his father, his history but the only real personal things I knew about him is that he liked me, or loved me. Meaning he loved me once. I couldn't be sure of anything now. I didn't need him to remake his declaration but I definitely needed some sort of closure. I accelerated the car, my confidence building further. I was either going to set this right or put it behind me. Something was about to change.

Jacob's house was quiet. I ran to the door and knocked. I waited a long time before Billy finally answered. He pulled the door open. "Hi Bella. He's not here," he said shaking his head. "I told you." Billy's voice betrayed no feelings but his frown said he was sympathetic.

"He's not here, hiding out in his room, just refusing to talk to me?" I said loudly enough, so that if Jacob were hiding out, Billy wouldn't need to relay the message.

"I'm sorry Bella."

"You're sorry for what? That he won't talk to me or that he's not here?"

Billy face remained unchanged and he didn't speak. He stared at me waiting for me to think through my own question.

"I'll just go around back and check the garage. If he comes _back_," I yelled into the house, past Billy, "tell him I'm waiting." I said before running off before Billy could respond.

I pulled the garage door open. It looked much bigger when it wasn't storing Jacob's Rabbit and its many parts. I was also surprised at how tidily Jacob kept things when he wasn't working. Ordinarily it seemed like he didn't really keep anything anywhere but there wasn't a stray tool to be seen. Jacob had transformed the back wall into storage space. An old bureau pushed up against the wall served as his tool chest. There was a drawer for old dirty rags, machinist's tools, and some other, more recognizably common tools, like a hammer and a set of screw drivers. In the center of the room he kept an industrial sized trash can. The can was mounded with discarded food wrappers and multicolored rags. Next to the can, was the only thing out of place in the whole room, an old torn up pair of sneakers. Truthfully, I only recognized them as being shoes because the soles were still intact. The rest of the shoes were completely shredded, torn complete apart at the stitching. Bizarre.

In the farthest corner from the garage stood our motorcycles. Both had been cleaned since our last and only excursion. Jacob's Harley Spirit looked completely refurbished. I wondered briefly if he'd considered selling it to fund his next classic project. Then again, the Harley, was itself sort of a classic, I thought. I wheeled my bike into the middle of the garage. I wondered, if Jacob never "came back" if I'd be able to get myself home on my bike. I doubted it and regretted not having the option. _My feelings were telling me that coming here had been a mistake._

From outside I heard laughing coming from beyond the Black's house. I got off the bike and walked toward the door. Quil and Embry were walking toward the house. I immediately left the garage and half ran toward them. "Hey guys," I said casually. They stopped talking to look at me the second I spoke. Embry stopped walking and waited for me to catch up to him. "Hey guys. Have you seen Jake?"

Quil walked a few paces ahead of Embry before stopping too. They looked at each other. Their expressions revealed nothing. _Curious._

"Ah, no. We were just stopping in to see if he was here," Embry shrugged. Quil watched me for my expression.

"Oh," I said discouraged, looking down at the ground and shifting the dirt at my feet with the toe of my shoe.

"So he's not here then," Quil asked.

"Billy says he's out and he's not in the garage," I explained. "I just checked."

Embry turned and looked at Quil. "Would you tell him we're lookin' for him when you find him?" he asked me.

"Sure," I said. Both boys turned around and walked away speaking quietly to themselves. "See ya later Bella," Embry said turning around briefly. Quil raised his hand and half waved before turning around again, continuing to leave.

I was starting to feel defeated. I waited awhile, in the rain, for Embry and Quil to get further ahead of me and then started taking my own steps in that direction. I would be nearly impossible for me to walk home unless I started walking soon. I didn't want to involve Charlie in this mess. So I didn't call him. He was going to be angry enough as it was.

It was decided then, so I put one foot in front of the other and concentrated on that alone, as I walked away from Jacob. I was resigned to being fair. I was committed to being honest. I wanted everything to work out but somehow, I was the only one moving in that direction, so I continued walking down the dirt driveway. I was alone in my thinking. I couldn't bring myself to just stand in the yard, in the rain, anymore, pathetic.

I had made it all the way to the road before I heard the low rumble of the Rabbit coming up from behind me, or at least I thought I did. I didn't turn around. By this time my clothes were nearly soaked through. Rain trailed down the loose sections of my ponytail and stuck to my face.

The car pulled up in front of me and the passenger door flew open. I walked slowly over to the door. I figured there was no sense in hurrying, I was already drenched. I resented briefly that could he have just come to the phone there would be much less suffering, on both ends. When I peeked into the car, Jacob didn't look at me. He continued watching the road. His hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel.

"Well are you going to get in the car," he asked, keeping his voice low.

I said nothing as I got in, watching him. I narrowed my eyes feeling the control slip through my fingers. Though I was angry, I was determined that I needed to talk with him. I had barely closed the door when the Rabbit cruised away from the shoulder and back onto the road. I was thrown about with the speed of the car and Jacob's erratic driving.

"Jacob," I said as if it were a question. "Please. Can we pull over," I asked unnerved by his speed.

He didn't say anything and continued to stare ahead at the road.

"Jacob. Are you mad that I took your car?" I asked fishing for reasons that he might overreact. I knew that wasn't the reason.

He made no response. Despondent.

"Please Jacob. I think that we need to talk."

He said nothing but a phase of emotion crossed his face. He corrected the change immediately but too late for me not to notice.

"You are upset at me and I deserve to know why."

Jacob's chest heaved as he breathed in deeply.

"Something's going on. I know there is. This has been a messed up day for me too you know." I felt like I was whining. I cringed at the sound of my voice. I paused to try again. "Jacob, are you mad that I saw Edward today?"

Jacob grimaced at the sound of his name. I had hit a sore note. Finally.

"I didn't want to go with him. I had no choice," I explained. "I didn't even want to talk to him." _Not on those terms. _"I've been so worried about you."

Jacob said nothing again but pulled the car abruptly to the side of the road. He didn't cut the engine. He just cranked the emergency break up and then turned his whole body to look at me. I waited for him to say something but he just sat there, his eyes on me.

"Jacob," I said reaching for him. He pulled away from me. Insecure, I placed my battered hands back into my lap. "Please let's walk. We need to talk."

"It's raining," he said.

I smiled and looked down at myself, modeling to him my current state of sogginess. He frowned at the gesture, realizing my point and then conceded. When he opened the driver's side door I also got out of the car. I smiled at him briefly again. Hopeful. I waited for him on the passenger's side of the car as he slowly lumbered toward me. When he came close enough, I extended my hand to him, hoping that he would take it. He looked at me as if the gesture had been completely foreign to him. He pointed off the side of the road and started walking toward a narrowly hidden trail. I turned and started to walk away from road.

"Are you sure that you want to go down there, Bella?" Jacob said. "I've heard there are wolves in these parts of the woods."

I shook off Jacob's bizarre warning. "Please Jacob," I began. "I need some clarification on some things that happened today," I said as I continued walking. "I need to know what happened to you today."

"You worried that I left a mark on you precious bloodsucker?"

"Huh?" I looked at him sideways as we continued down the trail. _He's got to be kidding. I knew that he hadn't. He teases me with the possibility... _"I think we could both do without all of this animosity," I scolded. Jacob was certainly good at pushing my buttons but I was keen to follow my own advice. "Not really worried about that actually," I said speaking casually. "I need answers about _US_. About what you think we are."

I stopped walking once I'd asked this question to explore his face. If he wasn't going to speak I could at least read his thoughts. He was silent a moment while I was watching him. His face softened. His eyes followed suit. It was as though his whole body suddenly relaxed. He was Angry Jacob no longer. His body moved naturally again, rather than maintaining his rigid control. "That is really up to you Bella. What do you think I am?"

I was relieved that he was calming down and that he was answering me at all but I kept hearing that things were up to me today. If that were the case, then these are not the circumstances in which I would have chosen to be in. "No Jacob," I decided. "It hasn't been up to me." I felt my attitude rising to the surface. Hadn't I already made my preference known? _How much encouragement does one person need? I certainly could not handle them both. _

"You went off with the Leech," Jacob said taking an intimidating step toward me.

"Yes I did. But what choice did I have? Where were you?"

"Like you just choose based on whoever comes along?" he scorned.

That stung. "No. You know what," I thought for a moment, "forget it." I walked awa.

"Now what? Are you saying the Leech kidnapped you?"

I laughed to myself. "Essentially," I said looking up at him. _He did carry me away._

"Then why are you here now?"

_Now look at who has something he wants to hear._ "Because I told him that I needed to find you."

"You aren't going to go back to him when he decides to stay here?"

"I can't be with Edward like that anymore." My lips tightened over my teeth. "I have my reasons."

Jacob's relaxed and his hopeful eyes dewed as I spoke, "I've moved onto you."

"Oh Bella." Jacob said raising his hand to his face. The conflict within him spilled out.

"Can I hug you now?" he asked.

I consented, taking him by the hand and pulling his body into mine. I laid my cheek against his chest and allowed his large arms to hold me there. "I've been so upset. I've been such a jerk." Jacob looked down at me. He kissed my head. "I don't know how you can stand to be around me."

"Well, sometimes you do make it difficult," I bantered.

Jacob whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," over and over again into my wet hair. He breathed in deeply, loudly. His body started to rumble against mine. His hands pulled at a lock of my hair and he brought it to his face. I could only watch in horror has he tossed my hair away from his face and shoved me away from him. "What kind of stupid do you think I am, Bella?"

Tears appeared in my eyes instantly. "What did I do? What have I done?"

"I just don't think that I can live with this."


	12. Chapter 12

Heart of Darkness

Chapter 12

Now, after everything that I'd gone through, after everything that I'd done, Jacob was rejecting me. Weeks that we spent together had gone by where he'd flirt with me, he'd watch me; hold me with all of the intensity and heat that I could tolerate. Now he wanted none of that.

"I can't even look at you now." Jacob's face twisted with disgust. "Ah, and the smell…"

"What are you talking about?"

Jacob turned away from me, trying to make his escape. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand to be thrown away. I couldn't bear to chose him, his choice was my choice, and then be discarded. This was insanity. I rushed toward him.

"Jacob!" I screamed at his back. "Turn and look at me. Turn and face me and tell me that you don't want me. That I disgust you. Do it!"

He continued walking away not responding to my protest.

"DO IT!" I screamed shoving my hands into his back. His body did not budge. He didn't respond at all. I looked down into my scabbed and splintered hands. There were no tears left. I had shed them all and now I had none to cleanse my wounds. It had not been too long ago that Jacob and I were alone together. The only people left in the world; our whispers so innocent and endearing. I wanted to have those moments again. That was what I wanted. I wanted that back.

I kept my voice low. "You don't do this to the people that you love Jacob Black." This time my voice was calm. That was my final retort. The last words I wanted to say to him; I said as I watched him stalking away from me.

He turned his head and looked at me over his shoulder. I glared as he twisted back around in a tangle of rage. "You did this!" he yelled pointing at me, a fury of accusation. "You did this when you hooked up with that thing! Awe, it makes me sick to think about it!"

"All your scary stories keeping you up at night. You worried about my ex-boyfriend, the boogie man?"

"No." Jacob lunged back toward me in two quick steps. "No. I'm not afraid of him. I hate what he's turned you into."

"What? What am I? What am I that makes you so much better than me?"

Jacob sighed. "It's not what you are Bella. It's what I _am_ that cannot tolerate who you are."

Jacob's cryptic diatribe fed the boiling frustration inside of me. "Enlighten me Jacob!"

"Walk away Bella. Now"

_Bella Leave._

"What are you?" I yelled again.

"I'm a monster." Jacob's voice was low. His eyes were hidden in shadow as he hung his head, a defeated gesture. My magnificent Jacob had been defeated as well, but not by me. I stepped toward him.

In sympathy, without understanding I said, "I want to help you." I reached my hand out to him again. I moved slowly as though I were approaching a wounded animal. "I love you. I can help you."

Jacob slapped my hand away with lightning fast speed. My hand stung and I turned away from him clasping my hands together to my mouth, against my face, holding myself together. Intact.

"Never mind. I can't help you. You don't want help. You just want to be one of them. You told me that you were afraid of _Them_ and now you've gone and joined them. Is that what makes you better than me? Joining some cult? I can't help you Jacob because I get in the way of your _fitting in_." I stormed off past him. I would have run, not for the dramatic effect of running from him but for the shear desire to put distance between us, no matter how futile. I needed to go and if possible never speak to him again.

"You don't understand."

I wanted to vomit; he was pulling me back in. "Try me."

"I can't. I didn't join them by choice you know."

"Whatever you say Jacob," I said increasing my pace. I was so tired.

"It just happened and now I can't control it. I think it's best that you stay away from me now Bella."

_I'm going in that direction right now. _"Fine." I said as he continued to follow me off of the trail. "One more thing and then I'm outta here."

Jacob didn't respond. I turned and faced him.

"What does it mean, "for her", the thing in your car?"

Jacob's eyes narrowed as he thought. "The bracelet? The leather bracelet?"

"Yeah. Whatever that thing is. It had my name on it and says "for her" on the other side. What does that mean?"

"Its something I made." Jacob's eyes dropped from my face. "It's something to always remind of why I am what I am. To keep the ones like you," Jacob paused and then looked deep through me, "to protect you from those murderers."

"I see." _But who is going to protect me from you?_

I turned away from him again, resigned for closure. I couldn't hear him coming behind me, so I assumed that he had stayed, to give me my distance. It was the least that he could do in our current situation. There wasn't really any making up with me at this point. I didn't have the motivation to fight back or challenge anymore of his theories. All those tender moments that we had shared weren't Jacob and Bella anymore. Those moments were between people who had a greater understanding of themselves. Jacob knew that I was damaged goods. I knew that Jacob was too good. When our expectations of each other changed so did our temperaments and our inclination for disappointment. Our roles were now somehow reversed and I couldn't have any part in the macabre dance that Angry Jacob performed. The back and forth of it all was too much to keep up with. I was lost in his uncertainty. The sooner I emerged from this trail the better. I had a long walk home.

"Bella."

_Now what?_ "Yes?" He was right behind me. A shadow.

"Can I give you a ride home?"

"You know, I think I'm going decline that offer."

"I'm not the bad guy you think I am, Bella."

"I know. You're just a tortured soul, just like the rest of us."

I could hear Jacob as he breathed in long and deep. "At least I have one."

"See. That's why I cannot accept a ride from you. Just go Jacob. I'm going to be fine."

"I feel responsible. I should give you a ride. I insist."

_You've got to be kidding me._ I started walking again away from him. I was so tired and my feet so sore that I must have been dragging. Jacob's conversations felt everlasting and totally exhausting.

"I insist."

_Go. Don't come back._

"You know. I've been bipedal for 'bout 17 years. I think I can make it." I trudged on.

"Why won't you let me make this up to you?" Jacob said grabbing me by the arm. I pulled away from him to shrug him off but his grip was much too tight.

"You are crazy if you think that I am going anywhere with you, whether that means you get to 'make it up to me' or not, I don't care, but you'd better let me go." I hissed the words through my teeth.

At this point the woods around us started stirring. Branches began cracking and popping all around. My head snapped left and right as I looked but I could see nothing. Jacob lifted his head, sniffing into the air. He released my arm and then looked down at me. I swear I could see fear in his face. "Go, Bella. Go," he whispered.

"D'you bring us a toy to play with Jacob?"

I couldn't identify the voice. It was at once all around us. I started to back away from Jacob. He was still watching me. I felt the blood in my face sink into my feet. I was so tired already and now there was a reason to run. _What's next?_

"You want to tell her. So tell her," said the voice in the trees.

"I…I…I…" Jacob stammered.

Jacob followed behind me as I continued backing up. I couldn't let Jacob out of my sight. I feared that I was not in the presence of friends. Any friends.

"She isn't one of them," Jacob said responding to a silent accuser. "She's not."

The woods were silent again, which was more disheartening than when they were speaking to me. Jacob mouthed the word "go" but fear had me frozen to the spot. I couldn't see my enemy this time. Jacob I could see, but somehow he'd stopped being the antagonist. There was much greater danger in the unknown. "GO!" he yelled as the monster I had seen devour Victoria jumped from the trees upon Jacob.

"No! Jacob!" I yelled running back toward him. Jacob caught the beast and threw him back into the woods but the creature was on him again, in an instant. With my eyes I saw the creature on Jacob and then another creature just like it in the place of Jacob. Both creatures were huge, one brown and one red; their snarls tearing at each other. Then I was numb. My feet and legs stopped working and my breathing became labored. My hands that had been thrown out in front of me, as I charged toward Jacob and his attacker, instinctively flew to my abdomen. Red gore ran from a wound there which had no known origin. A red bubble burst from my lips and when I tried to scream I made no sound.


	13. Chapter 13

Making Sense

Chapter 13

I smelled her blood immediately. Paul kept coming at me and coming at me and I kept throwing him away. I threw him back against a tree and snarled. He pounced on me like I was lunch. _"Stay away from us."_

I worried that I wasn't protecting Bella anymore; that I was only protecting her body. Paul landed onto the trail in front of us. His aggression was relentless. He exposed his teeth as he snarled. I exposed mine in response. I could feel the gears in my brain grinding away. _Keep Bella close. Keep Paul away. _I knew he could hear these thoughts. I hated him for his persistence. His cruelty.

"_It is done now Paul. Leave Jacob alone."_

I heard other voices too. Apparently everyone had stopped their patrols. I imagined the small army of wolves stationed in various sections of La Push all pounding their way in my direction. _"I didn't do this," _I cried to myself. _"How could…?"_

"_Jacob,"_ Sam's voice always rang through the clearest, _"You do whatever you need to do right now. You are relieved for the night. Paul return to me. Everyone else return to your designated locations until further notice."_

In a flash Paul was gone and I was myself again; bent down on the ground next to Bella. Her eyes were closed, shirt torn across the belly. She had a wound. I didn't know how bad. A trail of her own blood streaked from the corner of her mouth. I was in horror. I pounded the ground. I lifted Bella out of the dirt. _A treasure such as her on the ground, unfathomable._ I balled and wailed. I screamed her name. I cradled Bella in my shaking tense arms. There was no fatigue, no semblance of anything but disaster, only and simply her body and my body in a tangled mess. I cried tears into her pallid skin, wishing that I could be more mythical than I was. There was nothing I could do for her and little I could have done to begin with. My ingrained prejudices designed me to hate what she was and to fight against it, but my heart belonged to her. Only her. Everything else could go to hell but this girl; she was suffering for my heart. I loved her but not enough to let her go. I started to think I could understand part of Edward's dilemma. I could never relate to it.

I wasn't so short sided that I didn't understand Bella's dilemma too. She needed a partner in the present, not someone who didn't think she could handle life. That is where Edward fell short. We were all screwed.

"BELLA! BELLA! BELLA!" I cried again as my grief began to pull me apart. Consolation was not a word. I was in a place where insanity takes hold. Back and forth like waves breaking, I crested into sanity and irrationality and when I wasn't reacting everything was very quiet, as though time had stopped. A deception. Time was slipping. I was worthless to her now because I felt like nothing without her to protect. Desperation.

My glimmer of hope made me want to heave. "I know you're out there," I screamed. "Come out!" I searched the air for its scent. _"I know you are there. I know you can hear me; that you see her through me. She needs this. Forget the line!"_

I had been right that the bloodsucker was not far away. He crouched before me. He had already absorbed the situation through my eyes. His expression was anything but blank. His eyes were on fire but dry. I could feel his hatred for me but he only had eyes for her. He couldn't look away. Edward's look was wild and crazed. Maybe we'd both been driven to insanity.

"Put her down. Wait, no, give her to me," he insisted.

I made no argument. "Can you do it? Will you?" I said handing her over to him.

Edward's eyes burned in fury but he maintained rigid control in the face of it. I was very familiar and sympathetic to that feeling. "I don't know. I….I….I can but…."

"Listen. She's dying," I fought. "There's no time. Please. She's dying. She's dying."

"For you, Jacob she is dying. I don't know if I can do this. She isn't choosing this life for herself. You are choosing for her."

"She's dying. She's dying. She's dying," I repeated without reprieve. I could still feel the weight of her in my arms. I wrapped the ghost of her close to my chest and cried into her absent hair. I crumbled. I was crumbling.

Frantically I changed from one disposition to the next. Manic, like I was trying to phase into a different person. I pulled together all of my broken pieces and watched Edward with her. He checked her pulse and listened to her heart barely beating in her chest. I wanted to snatch her back from him for all of his restraint. I wanted to tear his limbs from his sternum for cradling her yet I wanted him to sink his teeth into her. He had the power to make her open her eyes again. How that would change her wasn't my concern. I wasn't thinking about things in the long term.

"I can't stay here. I can hear them. Someone knows that I've crossed over. The last thing we need is for the wolves to descend."

"Will you…?" I didn't finish my question.

"I don't know what I can do Jacob. I don't know." The bastard hesitated and clenched his fists into tight balls, still holding Bella in his arms. He didn't need to practice restraint with regards to me. He looked down at Bella. "I told you this could happen," the Leech said allowing his voice to rise. I focused on Bella's pale face as I blocked out all sound but could sense the violence in him as he began to rage at me, "I told you…." He stopped talking. His face was marred with pain. Tortured.

I was reaching. "If you can do something, you should. That's what Bella would want. She wouldn't want to die like this."

"I…I…" the bloodsucker stuttered. "To hell with you," he sighed. With that he was gone. Bella was gone.

"See ya there!" I screamed back. I was in the dark. I pulled my mind together long enough to phase. I needed to get out of here.

"_Jacob? Jacob? Jacob?"_ said a flurry of voices once I was in my wolf form. A hundred voices were reaching out to me.

"_Is she okay?"_ I heard Embry ask. _"What happened?"_ I heard another voice. The voices in my head were music accompanied by the pounding of my paws to the ground. I was making tracks. I was heading home.

"_I'll meet you there."_ I heard one voice say.

"_Me too."_ I heard others. Quil and Embry.

"_See you at home Jake," _said Sam. _"Everyone else stay where you are."_

Sam was waiting for me when I turned the corner, parking the Rabbit in the yard, near the house. His face was chiseled, locked into a decision. One that would ultimately affect me. I wasted no time when getting out of the car.

"Sam," I said looking at him. It was all I could say. There were no real explanations necessary. He knew what I knew. He was in charge and from his standpoint, I was out of control.

"I don't know what you were thinking today Jake." Sam's expression didn't change. His face remained hardened, his eyes dark and posture stiff. "We've got a problem now and I don't know exactly how to address it. Some of us, as you already know, want you out."

"This is bull…" I said lunging forward.

"You've still got some friends Jake," Sam said looking away. "You just have to stop isolating them or you won't have any friends left. What is happening isn't just happening to you."

"They hated Bella."

"Bella was an innocent. She is one of the reasons that we are here but that is not what I'm talking about. That is not why your…" Sam paused, "remaining here is being questioned."

"That's ridiculous," I yelled. "Some of the pack have been on my case about Bella since she started comin' around. They made it impossible…"

"No Jake that was all you."

"NO!" I defended. "No one ever stuck-"

"…stuck up for you?" he said, completing my thought. "Defended you? Or Bella?" Sam questioned. I hated his control. His calm. He looked as though he could have contemplating what to watch on TV rather than determining my future; causing me to reflect on my short comings. I felt that it made me look unreasonable. Immature.

"Yes! No one ever had my back."

"We're a pack, Jacob. There is no being 'stuck up' for, or being 'backed up' from within the pack. Your rank is determined by your strength and your character. You wanted Bella. Who could have stopped you? No one but yourself."

"Paul hated-"

"Paul's entitled to like or hate whomever he wants. This could be your pack Jacob. I'm not its chosen leader and this certainly isn't a democracy so it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We all know how this works but until you have the…." Sam paused again, choosing his words carefully, "ability to lead and to stand up for what you think is right you will not lead and the things that you think are right will continue to slip away from you."

"Like Bella," I said as Sam's reasoning sunk in.

"Now, if you need to be relieved for the night, so be it, but I've got a treaty to renegotiate."

Then Sam was gone.

********************************************

I knew the burn. Before I felt it radiated up my wrist into my arm. It burned going in and coming out. That was then. This time was very different. I didn't feel anything. I knew something was wrong when I saw the look on Carlisle's face. His eyes were sad. I didn't know how to speak then. When I tried to speak, I made no sound. I couldn't move so all I could do was wait for something to happen. The room was dark and quiet. When people would enter, they would whisper as though afraid to disturb me. I recognized several voices. Carlisle's, of coarse, Alice and Emmett had all had turns in the room. Somehow, though I knew little of what was going on, I felt as though they were in the dark as I was. Everything seemed fuzzy. My feelings were fuzzy. My urgency heightened. My senses were intense but cloaked in the darkness. Somewhere, in it all there was a voice, which had never entered my room, as though it were only in my head. Jacob's voice spoke to me, like he was speaking to himself, like it were an imaginary conversation. "_I love you Bella. I'm sorry. I love you Bella. I miss you. Please be okay. Please_." Over and over, I heard his voice. "_Please_."

"I think that she's spiked a fever," I heard Carlisle's soft voice whisper.

"Is that normal?"

_Who else is here?_ There was no response.

"_Please…"_

_Jacob._

********************************

I sniffed the ground. I could trace nearly any creature for hundreds of miles but Bella's scent was weak in the air, hard to pinpoint. Sadly her scent was overpowered by that sickly sweet smell of the vamp's coven. Usually the woods had an overpowering scent for a variety of creatures but this area was desolate. There were no birds in the trees or creepy crawlies anywhere. Nature knew that what resided in the Cullen house was beyond unnatural, damned.

Their home was too much. Dr. Cullen obviously made loads of money. I had never seen walls of glass before. It made me sick to know that though they were in hiding, they desired to be out in the open. Like at the zoo, they looked at the natural world through panes of glass. The design of their home was a fusion of old and new styles. A wall of windows faced the river. The river ran behind their home creating a boundary between condemned nature the habitable forest. I wanted so badly to enter their residence but I had a powerful urge to stay as far away as I could. Either way I couldn't see them pulling out the welcome mat.

I crossed the river, bathing my paws, washing off the last of Bella's blood that clung to my legs, my arms, my chest. I ran reconnaissance around the shelter, the coven, the house, the whatever they called it and spotted one of the Cullens watching the front, as though he had been waiting for me. I raised my head to him and ran back into the woods.

Once I phased I detached my clothes from the leather thong strapped around my hind leg. "For her" it said. For her I was here. I couldn't stay. This place was going to make me sick. Being here went against every natural feeling that I had.

I slipped on my sweat pants and my tee shirt. Strangely my shirt was laced with the scent of Bella all through it. I thanked powers unknown to me, everyday for certain miracles. Her scent was an infusion and made me regret that these were all my clothes. My only clothes. I would have preserved her scent in them forever if I could have.

"Where is she?" I finally asked when I returned from _changing_. The large vamp smiled at me, amused by my presence, maybe my clothing, possibly my question, definitely because he was a jerk. I hated him for it.

"She's inside but I have to tell you right now," the bloodsucker cocked his smile, "you can't come in." He crossed his arms. "You make some of us, not me mind you, but some of us, nervous."

"Is that Edward's command?" I asked. "He's calling an awful lot of shots," I said irritably.

"Ah, not Edward's, no." The vamp looked around and then shrugged realizing that he really didn't have any secrets. "You involved us in this thing and we're not sure of how this is gonna pan out. In the meantime we're trying to play things a little low key around here. Inviting an unstable mutt-, um," he cleared his throat, "sorry, werewolf into the house wouldn't exactly be smooth," he said pointing his thumb back toward the front door. "Apparently, you guys can become easily upset," he said shaking his head. "Then bad things happen," he scolded.

"So what am I supposed to do? Wait outside?"

"Dunno. Have you been walked recently?" The large vamp laughed to himself at his joke. "Sorry," he said apologizing insincerely.

_I'm not looking for any fans._ "Is Bella okay? Is she going to be…"

The large vamp's lips twisted. "I'm not too sure of what is going on right now to be honest. The medicine stuff, the transformation stuff, is all sorta outta my league. I'm just the door man today." The vamp turned to go back inside. "You need to take off for a while."

"Fine," I said as I started to walk away. "Hey, ah, what's your name?" _Feigning interest in vampires? Not my proudest moment. _

"Emmett." The large vamp said still standing as he watched me walk away.

I took off into the woods. I wasn't going to be going far, but I definitely needed a place to lay low, to wait it out. Wasn't sure what I was waiting for. I had a powerful urge to be sick everywhere.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Werewolves

At first there were just voices. Many of them. They all spoke quietly but what they were saying was indiscernible. It wasn't too long before I was able to differentiate some of the voices that I could recognize. The remaining voices seemed merely familiar to me. No attachment.

"We should keep the lights low. She should have a headache."

"It's not like we can't see."

"But can she?"

"I'm not sure that I can condone this sort of experimentation."

"This was the best possible solution Edward."

"This is ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous."

"Boys." I heard a woman's voice this time. Twinkling. "Machismo is only complicating the situation. Go have your territorial guy contest somewhere else."

_Alice? _"Alice?" I heard myself asking aloud.

"Yes, Bella. I'm here."

"She is awake?" Carlisle asked quietly under the sound of several other whispering voices.

"Sssh," I heard someone silence the room.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Carlisle asked me quietly. He crouched next to me and took my hand in his.

"Yes." I answered him. I licked my lips. "I'm so hot."

"I know. It just takes a few days and then the fever drops off. You should be better soon."

"Where am I?"

"You're in my home," Carlisle said. "You've been here a couple of days now."

"Where is Jacob?"

"Jacob hasn't been around."

"Is he okay?"

"Bella, he's fine. You should be more concerned with yourself. That means resting."

"What's happened?" I asked. I heard a lot of shuffling feet and the dim light emanating from the corner in the room changed as bodies shifted around; casting strange shadows on the walls, like tall linear trees. "Can someone please tell me what's going on?"

"Bella," I heard Carlisle's voice again. He squeezed my hand gently. I sensed his closeness. I could smell him. I felt agitated. "Bella, on Monday you were injured when Jacob was attacked by a member of his pack. You were dying. Jacob asked Edward to bring you here."

I had to admit that I vaguely remembered being hurt. The more I thought about it, and tried to conjure the memories, the more my head began to ache. I remembered being angry with Jacob. I remembered him telling me that he was a monster and feeling compassion for him. I remember feelings and smells more than pictures or images.

"We didn't have a lot of options to save your life. You were dying." Carlisle paused again to organize his thoughts or allow me to process.

"You changed me?"

"No Bella. We couldn't. Edward wouldn't… He said that you had chosen a human life. That he had heard you say that you'd chosen a human life and we couldn't go against your wishes. But Jacob allowed Edward to cross the line into La Push and we've had some trouble on our hands."

"What kind of trouble? What line?" Now I was confused.

"There is a lot to talk about Bella. You need to rest now through. Alice, Sam, Paul, we should let Bella rest," Carlisle suggested.

The light in the room danced around again as the bodies moved in front of the lamp in the corner. The light was faint and cast a faint orange glow radiating out from the corner of the room. A dark silhouette was seated at the foot of the bed that I lay upon. Natural light sliced the room in two as people exited. They didn't speak or look back. They simply left, closing the door behind them.

For the first time I realized that the room I was in was small, like a closet in the Cullen house. There was medical equipment to my right and an IV in my right arm. I stared at the needle and shot up in bed. I felt violated or at the very least discombobulated at the idea that so many things that had happened to my body when I was unconscious. Decisions had been made on my behalf. Decisions that kept me alive yes, but I pulled a blanket up to my chest, a gesture symbolizing my intense feeling of violation, for better or worse.

"You should lie back down. For now, the IV is necessary," I heard Edward say. He moved to the side of the bed as he spoke to me. I didn't lower myself to the bed as was suggested. I sat there waiting for something to happen. The room was so dark it was disorienting. Like being underwater and not knowing which way was up. I could only follow the sound of Edward's voice. His silhouette disappeared when he moved into darkness.

"You were hurt very badly and you did almost die. Carlisle needed to give you a lot of blood. A lot," he repeated for emphasis.

"Edward, please tell me what has happened."

"Jacob's a werewolf."

_That was blunt._ "What? A werewolf?"

"Jacob is a member of a pack of wolves. Or was. According to Sam, a member of their pack has been opposed to Jacob's relationship with you, oddly enough, because of your relationship with me. He attacked Jacob and you tried to to defend him." I could sense Edward shaking his head. "That was how you got hurt."

I couldn't put Edward's rendition into context. I listened to his words but they didn't match up with the feeling that I had in my head. Anger, hurt, sadness, wanting, LOVE; those were my memories of my last moments with Jacob. Edward was shedding light on a very different reality than my own. As he continued to speak forms began to take shape in my mind. Languidly the images from two days prior materialized. The red beast that had attacked Victoria, the brown one that jumped out of the trees onto Jacob, then Jacob, the red creature, that enveloped Jacob. Became Jacob. Was Jacob. My head began to spin. I laid down.

"How badly am I hurt?" I turned my head and wrinkled my nose, offended by Edward's proximity.

"Well, now, your body is fine. You just need to recover from the treatment, so to speak."

"Treatment other than blood?"

"Treatment of blood," Edward sighed. "Your injuries were so extensive that something needed to be done to repair the wound. Surgery wouldn't do. There was no time. You had deep lacerations to your abdomen. A lot of internal bleeding. You did die but Carlisle and Sam came up with a treatment regiment that saved you. Brought you back."

"I..I died?"

"It was very close."

"I'm going to be okay?"

"As far as we can tell. Sam says that the fever you have is perfectly natural."

"Sam knows medicine?"

"Um, yes and no. He knows werewolves."

"Yeah, I want to get back to the werewolf conversation again. I want to understand, my head hurts," my words began stumbling. "I'm so hot." I winced with the multitude of thoughts and questions all rushing through me, each one wanting a turn.

"I've told you too much for right now. You may even be delirious and not understand a word I'm saying."

"Oh I understand. That's not it I swear. I'm just so hot. Can I have a drink of water?" I asked.

"Certainly." Edward didn't say anything else as he left the room. The door opened and blocked the lamp light from the corner of the room but allowed bright sunlight in. I flinched, turning my head away from the door, away from the light that felt as though it were penetrating through my skull in a violent way.

Edward returned quickly and then shut the door. He assisted me in sitting up again, though I needed no assistance. "I can do this myself," I snapped.

"I'm sure you can, but as long as I'm here you don't have to do it yourself."

Edward's remark was snide and agitating. I felt this overwhelming urge to punch him. I knew that in doing so I'd probably break my hand or tear out my IV so I curbed the instinct. I wasn't sure where all of this agitation was coming from. Edward had been my first love. Thoughts of him had plagued me for months and though I had ultimately decided that I couldn't love him as I did before, I did, still love him because he still loved me. He held the cold glass to my lips.

"Just sip for right now. Carlisle says that your internal injuries should be completely healed but seeing as we can't see inside we don't want to risk any further injury from nausea. Vomiting could open something back up."

I sipped the water slowly as Edward instructed and handed him the glass. He stood back up and watched me as I lifted my shirt to analyze the extent of my injury. There was barely anything to see. There were four scars that extended from my right hip bone to the center of my stomach. The scars were very thin brown faint lines. "I thought you said that they were deep lacerations. Internal bleeding?"

"Yes, you have healed well, fast."

"And I'm not a vampire?"

"No. I couldn't. Wouldn't have ever…" his voice just trailed off.

"How?" I said as the door cracked open again.

"Bella, darling. Alice says that you are taking water." It was Carlisle speaking to me.

"Yes," Edward said answering for me.

Carlisle came and stood next to Edward, by my bed. The light for the corner was completely blocked but I could feel my senses heightening. I could see in total darkness. Carlisle's face appeared worried, strained. Edward, to put it simply, looked like hell.

"How is that fever?"

"I'm still very hot," I said answering quickly before Edward could step in again. "I need to know. How is it possible that I was close to death just a few days ago and now all I have are these faint scars?" I said lifting my shirt for Carlisle to see.

"It is a very long story, Bella," Carlisle said. He and Edward looked at each other.

"Oh, I've got time," I responded smartly. Both their attention was on me again. Edward moved back to the darkness in the corned. The left side of his body was barely outlined in the orange glow of the lamp; his face like a cresent moon. Carlisle took the seat next to me again, this time sitting on the bed.

"We didn't know what to do for you. Edward says that Jacob asked him to bring you here to help you because you'd been scratched by a wolf or something."

_He not telling me on purpose? _"I know about the werewolves," I frowned.

"Oh, I see," he turned his head back toward Edward who was staring intently at the wall. "A werewolf then," he corrected. "There was nothing medical that could be done for you. You were bleeding out. It was so bad that we had to send Jasper away." Carlisle looked at Edward again. This time they met each other's stare. "He sends his regards," Carlisle said shaking his head. "Anyhow," be cleared his throat, "not long after you arrived, Sam the leader of the werewolves arrived with a member of his pack. He told me of the wolves' power to rapidly heal. With nothing else to go on and your death imminent it was decided then to try and inject you with some of the properties which enable them to heal so quickly."

"What properties?"

"Their blood."

I didn't say anything. I waited for Carlisle to continue his explanation.

"We knew that your blood was a universal receiver, so to speak. You are AB positive. Our wolf friends," Carlisle said patting my hand, "being of Native American decent would likely be type A or O. It was a shot in the dark really. We really had no idea what we were doing. We didn't have time to do a type cross match so we took pints from both Sam and Paul, who graciously thought it would," he hesitated, "could help you."

"It was Sam, who thought to help you in this way," Edward interjected.

"Yes, but Paul did-"

"This is Paul's fault," Edward interrupted. "I want him out of here."

My mouth fell open. I was shocked. Had I been attacked by Paul, no, Jacob had, but I got caught up in the shuffle and mortally injured, but now I'm fine.

"I saw what was happening," Edward insisted. "I don't think that this was an accident."

I turned my head and looked at Edward. I had to admit that Paul and I weren't exactly friends but I couldn't imagine a friend of Jacob's ever…

There was a knock at the door again. A little head popped into the room. "Um, sorry to break up the question and answer session," Alice's voice chimed, "but we've got company."

"What are the others mad?" I asked without much thought. "For helping me?"

"Others?" Carlisle repeated gathering his thoughts. "What others?" he said standing up from the bed.

Edward's dark silhouette shifted in the corner. "It's the police. They like to ask questions."

"Charlie?" I asked.

"Not familiar police. They couldn't let local police investigate; conflict of interest. They're investigating your disappearance and Jacob's been arrested."

"What?!" I said flying up out of bed.

"Now you've done it Edward. The girl needs to rest."

"She doesn't like being kept in the dark Carlisle and these are _her_ friends and _her_ family."

"They need to see that I'm okay," I said weakly trying to push past the two immortals.

"Ssh…you have to keep yourself under control Bella. This will all be smoothed out in time. They haven't got anything on Jacob. It's all circumstantial." Carlisle spoke calculated and quickly. His voice nearly a whisper.

"Are you kidding me," Edward interjected. "They have a note left by Bella saying that she'd be with Jacob. Her room was trashed, clothes everywhere, covered in blood, dirt and leaves. Then there was the recent event where she hit her head with only Jacob as a witness, his car at the scene and a trace amount of blood on his body and in his car."

Carlisle's face dropped as he considered Edward's determination, "That sounds like a lot," he said staring away from my face, taking in the evidence.

"I've been paying attention," Edward said, taking his seat in the dark. I wasn't watching for his expression but I knew that ultimately this whole charade hadn't been his idea. His tone reeked of disapproval.

"That may sound like a lot, but once they see me it amounts to nothing," I said standing. "Because look at me. Here I am. Can't have killed what ain't dead right?"

"That's sort of the least of our problems," Edward began to explain. "See, they can't know about us. They can't know about the wolves either. This is all stuff that isn't supposed to be known outside of our groups. We have, for a very long time, kept each other's secrets and now we're at a stand off waiting to see which side spills."

"The police could always figure it out for themselves?" I suggested.

"Maybe, but I think that people don't believe in us because they haven't wanted to so far," Carlisle explained. "Even those who claim to ascend to vampirism and drink other people's blood are not really vampires. They're humans living as vampires as we are vampires living as humans. A charade. That's what people believe is out there. That's what we want them to keep thinking."

From the look on Edward's face, I could tell that he disagreed with Carlisle. Maybe he thought that it was a possibility that their true identity could be discovered. I gave Carlisle a clear look of confusion and he directed me to sit back down onto the bed. I complied reluctantly throwing a crooked scowl in his direction. "All I'm saying Bella, is that this situation affects far more than Jacob. We're all under the microscope now. Anyone you've had a close association with. We have a plan. Edward will explain, but I have to go talk with law enforcement now. They continue to ask questions about your trip to the ER. Several of the staff that day thought that you looked as though you'd been assaulted." Carlisle stopped talking, patted my hand and walked toward the door. Edward picked up where Carlisle has left off as Carlisle exited the room.

"Even Charlie had his suspicion about how you'd become unconscious that day." Suddenly my whole body felt very heavy. Edward's face was lines of seriousness. "He never told anyone what he'd thought and dismissed the idea nearly immediately," he tried to assure me.

"If he never told then how…" I started ask. "Oh yeah," I conceded when he grinned and pointed to his head. _It was nice to see him smile again._ Sadly when I thought that, his grin disappeared and his hands literally fell back into his lap.

"Edward? Could you please let me in on the plan; the one that will absolve Jacob?"

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Yeah, um…" he paused. "Its simple," he cleared his throat. "We are going to say that you ran away."

I cringed at the idea. "That's going to hurt Charlie so badly," I said guilt raining over me as I realized that I hadn't once considered his grief in this whole fiasco. Or Renee's. I was beginning to feel like a bad person.

"Yes, but it makes sense. You've done it before, so no one could ever say, 'Bella'd never do that'", he said, his voice a mocking tone.

Edward made a solid argument. "So what are the details?"

"That's kind of up to you. Where do you want to say that you want to go? You'll have to say that you trashed your own room, packing and what not…" he paused, "but regarding the blood and the debris found on your clothes, his clothes, you could always tell that that you were messing around in the woods." Edward looked away from me. "You have a history of that too."

"When can I leave here?" I asked impatiently. "You know, so that I can go tell my story?" I asked.

"Bella. You aren't our prisoner. Let me make that very clear. You can leave whenever you want. Carlisle has some recommendations only. I wouldn't recommend that you run out right now. I ask you not to. I…" he ran on and on.

"I get it Edward. No wrongful imprisonment," I couldn't deny the irony bit a little too hard for my liking. "Have you seen Jacob?"

"No." Edward's eyes met mine again. "Why would I?"

"I don't know. Maybe because he's sitting in a cell and you have the master plan that will set him free. It might ease his mind to know," I chided.

"Jacob's comforts are not my concern." Edward stood. "I hold him responsible for this. I warned-" Edward paced quickly toward the door and abruptly cancelled his speech. Without saying another word he stared at me a moment before opening the door, leavinv me alone in the room.

Finally I was by myself. I felt agitation melt away from me like wax from a hot candle, slowly melting away, drop by drop. I was still feverish and exhausted. Once I pulled out the IV, I was also unfettered. I climbed out of bed and located my pair of jeans. The orange light in the dark room made everything look like nighttime. I realized then that I had no idea what time of day it was. That Charlie had no idea where I was. That he must have called Renee to tell her I was missing. I wondered if my disappearance would bring her to Forks.

I slid into the jeans, which luckily had been cleaned and left on the loose fitting tee shirt untucked. Unfortunately I didn't find the shirt that I had been wearing, realizing only after having looked for it that I was probably ruined in the attack. I opened the door very slowly, first listening. I needed to carefully plan my escape from this tiny room. I would need to find clothes that fit, that didn't look barrowed. I would need to eat something. I realized that I was in a small walk-in pantry off the kitchen. That made perfect sense. What would a household of vampires need with a pantry, I thought to myself. I could hear some talking from the front room. I decided to try and exit out the back of the kitchen, through a door that led to the garage. It was there that I concocted a plan. I grabbed a hiking pack from one of the many shelves lined with gear. I strapped a sleeping bag and some other equipment, filling the sack to a manageable level. I was sweating at this point, very hot with fever, very anxious to be out of the hive of vampires, who were conspiring in the other room.

Part of me felt guilty for leaving in this way. I owed much to them, as always, but I had never asked for anything and was determined to leave. I could tell Charlie I went on a "walk about", that I felt smothered after my trip to the hospital. That I needed to commune with nature. That I had no idea what had happened to Jacob. Billy knew and could vouch for the fact that when I got to Jake's on Monday, Jacob wasn't seeing company. I'm sure that he'd told the police something along those lines already. It was true after all.

I tightened the belts of the pack over my shoulder and around my waste and set off in the direction I remember Edward and I emerged from the day we'd had our run in with Victoria. My head swam with the memories of last Monday. It was possibly the longest day of my life and nearly had been my last.


	15. Chapter 15

Whole

Chapter 15

The rain had stopped at some point recently. The sky was clearing as the clouds were parting away from the setting sun, as though its heat were able to penetrate through their mists. The ground was wet but my equipment was top of the line. I recognized most of the gear from Newton's sporting goods. The tent had a built-in ground tarp and I had assembled the display for this particular model myself several times so I was familiar with its set up. My pack seemed extremely light though I had helped myself to some freeze dried food camping food, bottles of water, clothes, what was probably Rosalie's parka and a couple of her insulated shirts, a fleece pullover, and also a magnesium fire starting kit. None of this equipment had been used before; all brand new. The Cullens possessed most everything for show. They couldn't have their carefully guarded secret getting out about their frequent camping or hiking trips. Props made the disguise authentic.

I disregarded any residual guilt for taking the equipment. It was easy enough for them to replace it. It would be a long time before it was noticed missing. I figured with my luck, I would be found in the woods and able to claim that I had no knowledge of all of the trouble I'd caused. That was not likely to happen of course, but I practiced my speech anyway as a tramped through the damp soft moss below my feet.

The sun was setting so I figured it must be about six thirty. Spring was coming and the days were getting longer. I held my hand up to the cleared sun. It was about a half hands width to the horizon. The sun would set in about half an hour I estimated. As I came to that conclusion, I wondered how it was that I had that knowledge at all. It must be something that I'd picked up from Charlie or maybe even Jacob, though I wasn't sure of how much of an outdoors man either of them was. Charlie was a fisherman, which meant he liked to drink beer in a boat. Jacob was a mechanic first and well, maybe, I thought for a second, a werewolf first and then a mechanic second. I had no idea where Jacob's priorities lie anymore. Right now, mine were to follow this trail laid out for me just a couple of days ago and then rest over night and return home in the morning. I walked and walked, hoping that sore feet or swelling ankles would give me some sort of indication to stop and set up camp. All of my thought provoking as I hiked caused me to loose track of time so it was nearly dark before I realized that I had probably walked about 3 miles, maybe 4. Not a bad hall for 45 minutes worth of hiking. _I should be laid up more often; apparently cabin fever is the ticket to Bella, the outdoors woman extraordinaire. _I frowned realizing I would soon test the theory. There was still work to do.

I looked around and noticed some downed trees. One of two possible things had transpired in this location. Either Edward and what I now knew to have been Jacob had fought Victoria here or maybe Jacob and Edward had a physical altercation of their own. The trees looked like they'd been snapped several feet from their bases. This I knew to be very difficult. Usually the tree would just uproot itself upon impact or when the ground became too soft to support its root structure. Whatever had caused all this damage sadly had no regard for the destruction that it was inflicting on bodies both mythical and arboreal. That thought roused anger in me.

There was no other evidence that Jacob and Edward had been here. I decided to keep walking. "Just a little while longer," I told myself though I didn't feel tired at all and my fever felt like it was also going away. I guess just needed some _fresh_ air.

Finally I stumbled upon something that I recognized; only I didn't really stumble. Strangely I thought to myself. "Stumble" wasn't a word I often was able to use figuratively. I discovered the downed log that I had hidden behind when I witnessed Victoria's body being torn apart. There was blood on the log. Mine. I recalled having crawled over the log once I had been pushed back against it, Victoria's cat like stance as she lunged for me, taking her time, savoring the moment of her kill. Thank the spirits unknown to me that she was so arrogant, so confident that she took the time to allow for my scream to call for help. I was defenseless pray. I had been. Now I was aware. My confidence enlightened me and I dropped my sack.

Pulling tent poles from a bag, I had the shelter set up in no time. I pulled off the loosely fitted tee shirt and hung it from the rain fly. I put on Rosalie's insulated shirt. It too was big for me. She had a curvier frame then my own. I had often been jealous of her physical form. I had wondered what Edward thought of her figure in comparison to my own. All those worries seemed moot now. Rosalie was the least of my concerns. She was no longer a threat to me.

It was now about an hour past sunset. The sky had cleared quite a bit and there were a few twinkly stars starting to show themselves high up in the sky, away from the glow of the light flecked horizon. The canopy overhead was thin by which I could witness the heavenly spectacle. I laid my sleeping bag out inside the tent, organized my gear and arranged a lantern for light, suspending it from a hook inside the tent. I regretted my next thought. I should have gathered some wood from a fire on my way to the campsite. It would have prevented me from having to go out now. I also regretted that the Cullens didn't use bug spray. _Couldn't they pose as humans who used Deep Woods Off?_ I pulled out the parka and zipped it up to my chin. I put my hand in the pockets, and discovered some knitted fingerless mittens stowed away there. I slipped them on and started searching for some dry wood.

There were downed branches everywhere. Many of them newly fallen, probably from the fight that had ensued here recently. Their cores were green and not worth burning. They were still wick. The downed branches were mostly wet from having been left on the ground in this northern temperate rain forest. Several of the grounded logs crumbled with I picked them up, a soft wet mess. _Useless_. I looked around some more. Ahead I saw a birch tree. Some of its bark hung from the trunk. At its base was another birch tree, which had fallen and had been striped of some of its white oily bark. I pulled at some of the branches, damp but better than nothing. I snapped them and they gave way with a solid snap, which meant that they were not completely saturated. I broke off several branches, leaving the downed tree nearly bare. I pulled some of the bark from the remaining log noticing that its underside was soft and laid flat against the ground. I worried that the tree may not catch light when I tried to take an ember to it. I needed a tinder package. At the base of the standing tree were hard black nodules. Instinctively I snapped them off with my foot; tinder fungus. I gathered up everything that I had found. I pulled open my pack and filled it with the tinder, bark and some flakey green moss. As I walked back to camp I puffed with pride at what knowledge I was able to retain on my life's travels. When I had this thought I was confounded. I could not recall a single conversation where anyone has said, "use birch bark to start fires" or "the black fungus that grows on trees makes good tinder", not even when working with all of the nature enthusiasts at Newton's could I recall a camper discussing any of these survivalist techniques. That is why they shopped at Newton's to begin with, to keep from having to know how to do these sorts of things, I reasoned. I began to doubt what I thought I knew. I pulled the contents from my bag and broke open my tinder packet. It contained several items I could unexplainably recognize. I stomped apart the blackened fungus and made a small pile intertwined with the birch bark pieces. I sparked at the magnesium fire starter with a blade until the pile glowed with embers. I blew until it caught aflame. I added the birch branches and other woods that I gathered on my firewood expedition. I noticed for the first time that these branches, though were thin, and had been wet, were now dry, completely.

The fire though small was glorious. I crouched, knees bent very close. I held my hands up to its warmth and snacked on jerky and drank water. If there was true peace, I had found it. I was calm and confident. Everything outside of these woods was a mess. The Cullens were combing the woods at this very moment looking for me. Charlie was pacing the living room racking his brain trying to determine if I was okay, not okay and where I was. Jacob was sitting in a cell, his heart swollen with fears. Unaware. For all I knew he may have taken responsibility for my disappearance. I hoped with my whole heart that he had kept his mouth shut. I hoped beyond hope that someone would get word to him that I was okay, if they hadn't already. As far as I could tell, Sam was still his ally. Billy was probably in the same predicament at Charlie only hoping that Jacob could come back home.

In the distance I heard the cracking of branches on the ground. I stood up from my crouched position, my thighs and knees burned, stiff from holding that position for so long. When I stood the crunching stopped. "Bella, oh my god, it is you!" I heard Alice's sing songy voice proclaim with such exuberance questioned her sincerity

I immediately raised my hand to my heart. It pounded profoundly, even through the thick parka. "Alice!" I said startled. "What are you doing out here?"

"We've been looking for you silly," she said rushing toward me.

"So much for not being a prisoner, able to leave of my own accord, yadda, yadda," I said under my breath.

"You know that's not the point Bells." Alice tightened her lips over her teeth. Her face chagrined. "We're not trying to bother you. We're trying to help you," she paused, "and Jacob."

"That's funny, because I recall Edward claiming that he thought everything that had transpired had been Jacob's fault."

"He's a boy," she smiled. "They're all the same jealous type. You'd be proud of Edward if you knew everything that he'd done to help Jacob by helping you."

"I don't really want to talk about it Alice. I kind of came out here to be alone. I don't think that I've been alone for some time now." _It was nice to only listen to my thoughts even if for a short while. __I was becoming tired of listening to everyone's thoughts on everything._

Alice shuffled her feet. "Am I bothering you? I can go but I have an idea." I didn't reply I just waited for her to continue. I felt guilty realizing that I was in fact being rude. "I'll go and tell them I've found you. They're not going to want you alone overnight. They think that there is some mischief afoot. I could promise to stay with you until morning."

"I dunno. What if I get found out here over night? How'd you explain that you found me but didn't notify Charlie or the police?"

"Easy. First, I don't sleep. Second I make my escape before they arrive. I can sense them coming for at least a half mile out. I also have a bit of a sixth sense and already know that my plan will work out perfectly."

"You mean someone will come out and find me tonight?"

"Actually no. The night will be quiet. We won't have any visitors. Bella they've already searched this area and they don't seem to think that you are in a position to be moving about too much."

"They think that I'm dead." I said resolved. Sad.

"That's what they think but some hold out hope."

"Does Jacob know?"

"I don't know what Jacob knows. It's peculiar. I can't see the wolves or anything to do with them. I only know what I've been told of them. Sam's help, Jacob's arrest. I'm sure that someone's told him that you're still walking around. It's the police who seem to think that you're not alive. Listen," Alice said taking my hand. "I'll go now and come back with some good food to eat. It'll be just us, I promise." Alice smiled again and ran off.

_Thanks Alice. _I thought sincerely.

I tucked into my sleeping bag, my refuge having been discovered. I played with various techniques at staying warm. I pulled the tent closer to the fire and sealed off the inside. I layered my clothing and finally resigned on putting the parka back on and pulling the fleece lined hood over my head. I was then quite warm. I didn't hear when Alice returned. She sat quietly outside the tent, as I hoped she would. Alice wasn't so dense that she didn't understood how much I'd recently been through, that I felt pulled in so many directions that I couldn't be sure of where my piece began and finished, where my obligations began and ended; friends, family, all of them wanting a piece. Tonight I felt whole. I was alone but whole. Alice quietly hummed a lullaby outside the tent. Her intentions were so profoundly good that it warmed my heart. Alice was a true friend. I slept soundly. Peacefully.


	16. Chapter 16

Alice

Chapter 16

_I looked all around. Everything I felt was urgency. I had no place to hide. Where I stood I was completely exposed. The land was flat fields. There was no tree canopy overhead, and no stars. This environment seemed foreign. The star's light was dulled with the polluting effect of the full moon handing fat in the sky. My breathing quickened, my arms and legs ached. I hunched over my knees bent, my hands on my thighs as I tried to catch my breath, the moon so bright overhead that I casted a shadow onto the grass which grew and grew entwining me…_

"Bella! Bella!" I heard my name said repeatedly, my body being shaken awake.

"What!" I said, "where's the fire," I said shortly.

"Outside," Alice answered me honestly.

"Figure of speech," I said pulling my shoulders from Alice's tight grip.

"You were yelling," she said.

"I gathered," I said sitting up.

"And screaming."

"I guess."

"What's the matter?"

"I'm not a morning person."

"It's not morning yet."

"I'm not a 'not morning yet' person either." I frowned catching myself being rude again. "Sorry, I'm not nice when I first wake up, especially when I've woken by violent shaking."

"You were dreaming."

"That explains the yelling and screaming."

"What were you dreaming about?"

"I dunno," I said smoothing out my hair and retying my ponytail.

"Are you hunger. I brought the food."

"Yeah," I said, conceding to the fact that I wouldn't be getting back to sleep. I slipped out of my sleeping bag and slipped on my sneakers. "Did you keep the fire going?"

"Yeah," Alice said exasperated.

"Was it hard work?" I asked.

"Oh. Oh no. Its just that, hanging out while you were asleep was sooo boring. I wish I'd thought to bring my ipod or a book or something." Alice frowned. "No offense, but I don't know how Edward could have spent all those nights watching you sleep. I mean I wasn't actively watching you, until you started thrashing and yelling, but this was the first time ever that I wished that I did sleep so I could pass the time."

"Thanks for letting me sleep Alice," I said crawling out of the tent. I took the pack and set it on the ground close to the fire. I sat down upon it to keep off the damp ground. "This might actually work out alright," I said thinking aloud. "I could go home in the early morning and maybe sneak in under the wire. Avoid some of the initial shock and drama of walking in while Charlie was eating breakfast or watching TV or something."

"What's the point?" Alice asked.

"It gives me an opportunity to ease into things, to be home, to prepare to talk to Charlie. He's going to kill me when he finds out that Jacob hasn't."

"You going to tell him that you ran away?"

"I don't see any other choice. Besides it's a good plan. Believable," I said holding my hands, palms forward, toward the fire. Alice fiddled with a bag and pulled out a small package.

"I got this for ya' to eat," she said handing me a small package.

"Hotdogs?" I thought aloud.

"Oh and these," she said handing me a bag of marshmallows. "I've noticed that when humans camp these are the foods that you like to cook over the fire on sticks."

_Yeah when you're ten. _"Thanks Alice. That was very thoughtful of you," I said ripping open the package of hotdogs.

"Oh and here's the sticks I bought for roasting."

"You bought sticks?" I laughed.

"Well you don't want to use a dirty stick that was on the ground do you?"

"This from a woman who drinks blood from her freshly killed prey. You are one of a kind Alice." I looked at her so that she'd understand that what I was about to say was sincere. "I've really missed you. A lot."

She pounced on me like a cat pounces on its beloved toy mouse, knocking the opened package of hotdogs to the ground. "Oh no!" Alice said realizing her blunder. "Its just that I've missed you too, so much. We have so much to catch up on," she began to rattle on.

"Its okay. I'll just wash the dirt off what I'm going to eat with a bottle of water and then roast the hotdog on one of your manufactured clean sticks," I joked while moving to get the bottle of water from my pack.

"You have to tell me what its like to kiss a werewolf," Alice nearly shouted out excitedly as she leaned in toward me.

I smirked, glad for two things. One, that Alice wasn't bitter that I wasn't getting back together with her brother and two, that I had the experience to relay.

"You are going to tell right? None of that 'I don't kiss and tell' blah blah," she said smiling. "Because they tell. They all tell. Why should we be the ones to keep our mouths shut."

"I don't know that Jacob did a whole lot of telling about anything. His crowd never really warmed up to me," I said holding the hotdog into the fire.

Alice frowned. "Well I guess, technically I can't know either. Damn wolves. It's like flying blind with them around."

Alice and I spent the rest of the night catching up. I was excited to know that Alice was going to be back in my life, as soon as I got off of Charlie's permanent probation, grounding, house arrest. The more I thought about it the less enthusiastic I became about having to head home. I started to pack the gear back up and smothered the fire. The morning was very chilly and I was prepared to let the walk home take as long as it needed to, not to mention all the gear I was going to be hiking in with. I estimated that I could be home inside of an hour.

"Hey Alice. I took all of this from your house. I need to hold onto it. It's all part of my plan."

Alice nodded. "Let our props be your props. Besides, can't exactly say you've been camping with all brand new gear anyway and that explains the camping," she said thinking aloud of my plan. "You want me to help you get some of this stuff home?" she asked.

"You know, I got it out here okay. I can make it the rest of the way home I think," I said sliding my pack over my shoulders. Alice ran up to me hugged me tightly.

"I'm so glad that we've come back home. I've missed you. It's so nice to have a friend outside of the family," Alice confided. "I was so scared that we were going to lose you. I arrived the day after the infusion so I never saw you at your worst but Carlisle and Edward kept me well posted. I'd never heard Edward so scared."

"I'm sure. But I'm okay and right now I still have a father and mother that are scared, so I should get going."

Alice hugged me one last time.

"I've missed you too Alice."

As I started backing away from Alice, waving goodbye, she motioned for me to call her.

"I will," I said turning away headed for home.


	17. Chapter 17

Jeanne's Story

Chapter 17

Jeanne's hair was black like charred wood. It was a stream that flowed in long waves down her back. It was always kept in this way, never up or untidy, always in a natural wild splendor. She had her mother's hair but her father's dark eyes. The darkness of her eyes shined like mirrors, looking into them they were wells so deep, always appearing to be wide and wet. She had a simple beauty which didn't show through only from looking at her. Jeanne's appeal rested where most idyllic stories transform its heroines into generic beauties. More important than the full shape of her face, wide eyes or feminine figure, Jeanne had unique character. She was not meek. She was not merely affable. She was forthright. She was kind by choice. She was reasonable.

It was not long ago that an older man, a fur trader, fell in love with her and brought her to his reservation to live with him after their marriage. Jeanne was Métis, a cultural mix of native Canadian and French, near the mountains in British Columbia. Her complexion was tawny and her looks mysterious to a people who were foreign to her. Jeanne's husband was named Isaac and he loved her as though she were his life itself.

Isaac held a special place in his tribe. When he was still young, he spent many nights patrolling the boundaries of the reservation, against forces unknown to his wife. These things would remain unknown to Jeanne because, though Isaac had married her, she was still an outsider. This had not been Isaac's choice and there was nothing he could do to go against that verdict.

In Jeanne's youth she spent many hours contemplating the stars, planets and any of the observable Universe. The Canadian mountains offered up an enormous screen by which to bear witness to the northern mysterious cosmos. On the nights that Jeanne spent alone she filled the evenings with quiet contemplation. Because of the near constant overcast; Jeanne was less able to star gaze so she began to monitor the movement of the clouds and storms with expert precision.

In her youth, Jeanne was fortunate to have been educated by both her father and mother. Her father, Charles, educated her about salvation, the virtue of charity, Christ and St. Joseph, the patron saint of the Métis people. Sylvie, her mother, lived in a different realty than Charles. She taught Jeanne the medicine's of her people and basic sciences, local biology. When Jeanne moved into Isaac's home, her first endeavor was to build herself a medicine wheel. The people of the reservation found her activity intriguing; having themselves left many of their ancient arts behind. Many who came to know Jeanne best adopted her culture as their own. "The Métis", Jeanne said, "means mixed and that is what we do. We adapt. That is our culture. It is change just as yours has. If you cannot identify with yourself, you are not _alone_. If you think that you only identify with those around you and cannot recognize yourself; that is the worst kind of _alone_."

There was a time when Jeanne recruited many members of the reservation to come together to build a sweat lodge. When they saw the accuracy in which she could predict the weather, changing of seasons and other cyclical events, they were eager to see the benefits of a sweat lodge. They toiled in the rain and mud, cutting, stacking, erecting. When they were done they turned to Jeanne and asked "We have heard it is used for medicine. What will this lodge do? Will it cure what ails us?" Jeanne replied simply, "It has done what it will always do. It has brought us all together." It was in simple ways such as this that Jeanne displayed her wisdom. There was no need for Jeanne to know many things, just a handful of right things.

For many sad years, Jeanne grieved because she had been unable to have children. She watched as the bloom of her youth began to fade, always having had the expectation of being a young wife first and then a young mother second. She miscarried many times over the years and when her blood would flow, so did her tears. It was the only time that Isaac ever saw his wife crying. She preferred to suffer alone. She thought that others must believe her to be cursed or worse pitied. Her thinking was that those opinions were a disgrace to her and her family, her people. Jeanne's cycle would end, but when the bleeding would stop and a renewal of hope would fill her heart again for 23 more days. Though age began to crease the skin around her eyes and caused aching in her joints, she never over came her dreams of motherhood.

There came a day when Jeanne awoke to a sun filled day. She took a stroll in the morning and purchased items to prepare a large meal. She chopped and clanged in the kitchen throughout the afternoon greeting passersby from the window above her sink. They waved and she shouted her French greetings, "il fait dois, allô et bonjour" or "comment allez vous?" Isaac smiled at her reasoning. "If they must speak English to me, I must speak French to them, even if only occasionally," she then continued on with her work.

She moved the table outside underneath a canopy. She gathered wild flowers to place in a vase at the center of the shaded table. Jeanne cleaned and grilled fish. She set up a large pot to simmer water. She placed the meaty bone in the water to steep and set aside the rest of the ingredients: rice, barley and peas for her soupe au pois. Next she prepared les baigne or fried bread. The meal was considered a feast by any of the Quileutes. To Jeanne, this was all in a days work but nonetheless a celebration. This was the meal where she would tell her beloved husband that she was again with child, "and I think that it is a boy," she said smiling and feeding him from her own plate.

All who passed the intimate meal displayed right out in the open could feel the buzzing energy from Jeanne. They knew that there was more to this meal then just marital bliss. This meal with blessed by family; an addition to.

Jeanne's pregnancy developed without concern for the first few months and her belly swelled normally with the normal ailments, nausea and pregnancy sickness. Then there came a day when Jeanne became very sick. She had horrible pains in her abdomen at which she clutched at regularly to keep from falling when walking. She became even more reclusive as her complications progressed. Her happy glow melted into a gray-yellow hue that cloaked her day and night. Isaac's concern for her increased by the day. He admitted to her his ignorance at pregnancy and medicine but made it clear that he knew that the baby was killing her from the inside. "It will suck the life from you and then what will be left. Is it better to loose both than it is to loose just one?" he asked her. She calmly deflected any of his insinuations. "To make it in life, I must make it through this," was her only reply.

It was not long before there came a day where Jeanne could not rise from her bed. She laid there in the darkness from sun rise to sun rise. Isaac became even more concerned when her color turned more yellow and weight seemed to be dropping off of her bones. Headaches plagued her daily. She became very frail but held her determination to have her baby, their son. She used all her strength to hold onto her swollen belly with protection and love.

The next day Isaac found Jeanne awake but unresponsive. Her body seized, limbs twitching at her sides, uncontrolled.

"Jeanne Dear, Jeanne Darling," Isaac said but received no answer. For several seconds Jeanne's body seized and when she came to she had no recollection of what had happened. She held fast to the idea that all would be well once the baby was born. Isaac left the room, sweat pouring off of him from nervousness, his core shaken. There was only one thing left for him to do if Jeanne was not in the position to help herself. His hand had been forced because he didn't have it in him to just let her die.

The next morning, Isaac went to her room again. The air was stale and smelled of sickness. He opened the windows, reclosing the curtain, leaving the room in varying degrees of darkness and lightness as the curtain shifted in the breeze. Gently he propped up her head, with his hand behind her neck. "Drink this my darling," is all he said.

"It won't hurt the baby?" she asked feebly. Isaac nodded, "No" and she relented.

The concoction tasted of salt. It was thick and warm. Jeanne gagged after her first swallow. Isaac nodded "No" again, holding the cup to her lips. She drank her fill of this foreign medicine before falling into a feverish sleep.

When Jeanne awoke the first thing she noticed was that her headache was gone. She felt stillness and very tired. She was rolling onto her side when she first noticed her belly was flat. She examined herself and noticed her stretch marks healed- gone. She looked as though she'd never been pregnant at all, "But that is not right," she thought to herself. She listened to the movement of air about the room. She concentrated on the most insignificant of sounds. There was no infant here. Her baby had been taken from her. Despite the urgency that she felt, the fever was too strong and she was overcome by sleep again.

The next day Jeanne awoke again, this time, without a fever. She charged out of the room. "Isaac!" she yelled, finally having the strength to yell. They met in the kitchen. She looked furious. Her hands curled like claws, each of her fingers topped off with incredibly long nails. Her shoulders and chest heaved as she tried to ground herself long enough to ask the important questions. "Where is my son?" she could finally ask.

"There was a problem during the child's birth. Isaac looked sadly in his beloved's eyes. She didn't make it". He paused a long moment for Jeanne to process before continuing. "The doctor said that she was too weak."

"There was a doctor who came here."

"Yes, we summoned a doctor as soon as you went into labor. Your fever was so high that the baby started to come early. The doctor did everything that he could do."

"Where did this doctor come from?"

"The Hospital. He and his family are new to this area, though many have told me that they have met them here before. Truthfully Jeanne, I do not know much about him." Isaac paused again. He walked toward his wife and instructed her to sit down. "I will make you some tea. Are you hungry?"

Jeanne didn't respond at all. She merely stared off into nothingness, allowing the blackest of depressions to take over. She did not cry, she just quietly sat as Isaac set down a cup of tea in front of her. She reached for the cup and felt the warmth infiltrate her hands. Isaac, unsure of what to do, just watched on as Jeanne focused all of her thoughts on the cup and how soothing it seemed when she let only thoughts of it cross her mind. This was a reprieve so she continued to just hold the tea cup in her hands its heat drawing all negative feelings out of her and into the cup. As if by magic, steam started rising from the cup until all had evaporated away and the tea cup burst into many pieces. When Jeanne opened her eyes and saw her hands, she saw that they were on fire; but her hands were not burning.

*************************************************

I wasn't tired from walking but I was tired. I dropped most of my things right out in the yard. The pack, and everything attached or packed in it all left at the foot of the stoop. The house was quiet and for the time being, I wanted it to stay that way. I took each step carefully as though it were a thought in action. I wasn't ready to face Charlie. I wasn't ready to begin the lie. This was the moment where I was between two realities. I had an obligation to keep secrets about vampires and werewolves. I was caught between these two worlds and I owed them both my life. If only the story telling could wait a little…

"Bella."

I looked up into Charlie's face as he opened the door and stared at me as dumbstruck as I stared back at him. Both our mouths dropped open. We were alike in expressions as well as character, so it appeared.

"Dad," I said attempting to maintain a semblance of casualness. All of that fell apart fairly quickly. I could feel my emotions rising up into my throat. I swallowed long and hard, nearly choking. I had never wanted to open up to Charlie more but my obligation to my friends prevented me from doing so. Friendship can cost so much.

"Oh, Bella," Charlie said pulling me by the arm into the house. He wrapped me up in a very non-Charlie display, hugging me and patting the back of my head. "Bella. Where have you…"

"I'm sorry Cha- Dad. I-" he cut me off mid-thought.

"You've caused a whole heap of trouble for just about everyone you know. Where have you been?"

"I've been…I just couldn't be here." I felt my defenses weakening. I couldn't talk to him in this way and continue to look him in the eye. It was my duty to pull this through, to pull the wool over Charlie's eyes. He was the foundation on which this plan stood. "I felt trapped here. I couldn't get away from people. I felt like I needed some time for myself. Ultimately dad, it was stupid of me to go for so long and not keep in touch, I know."

"You know. Tell me Bella about all the things that you know since you left," for all of Charlie's happiness at my returning home, his relief shifted quickly to anger. I didn't know how to answer his question. I wasn't sure that he really wanted me to.

"What has happened dad?" I asked as naively as I could muster. I walked toward the kitchen and took a seat in one of the kitchen chairs.

Charlie followed me but didn't sit. He stood over me. "Don't you get to comfortable missy. There is a ride we've got to go on."

"You want to take me somewhere, at this time of the morning," I said attempting feign disinterest in whatever it was that he wanted to do while in reality I wanted to get to Jacob myself, as soon as possible. I worried that my eagerness was showing through and I became uneasy with whether or not I was pulling off any of the charade. My act seemed incomplete, amateurish.

"Just get into the car," Charlie said lifting me from under my arm out of my chair. "We've got somewhere to be."

We got into Charlie's cruiser and road way out away from the direction of the rising sun. The moon was sinking below the horizon ahead. _Left lit last_, I thought to myself. This somehow seemed significant to know. For all of my thinking I became distracted and didn't notice for several minutes that we were driving in the direction of La Push and not to the station. "Dad, are we going to Billy's?"

"Yup," he said breathing in deeply.

"At this time of the morning?" _When Billy is going to be so angry with me for letting all of this happen?_

"Yes. You owe that man an explanation. Jacob has been in custody since yesterday because of your disappearing act. Christ Bella. What were we supposed to think? When girls just up and disappear there is usually someone to blame?"

"I-" I stammered.

"Did you tear up your room like that? Do you know how all of this looks? What were you thinking? Your note said that you'd be with Jacob. Your computer is completely smashed."

I hung my head looking into the clean white skin of the palms of my hands. I didn't have a scratch on me. No splinters, scabs, bruising, nothing. "I'm so sorry dad. I've let this get out of hand."

We pulled into Billy's and Charlie told me to get out of the car. _The simplest way to avoid not telling the truth was to not say anything at all._ Though it was early it appeared that Billy was already up. He, like Charlie, had opened the front door before I could have gotten to it. "Well look what we have here," he said, smiling. I nearly stumbled for seeing him smile. Charlie came up alongside me and Billy's smile disappeared. It was then that I realized that Billy was just playing along too. "Look at what the cat dragged in," he said. Billy was using expressions to play his role. He was brilliant, I thought to myself. Of coarse concerned father was a more convincing role than ungrateful daughter.

"Look Billy. I'm sorry that I took off," I said my eyes shifting back and forth between Charlie and Billy.

"Come on now Billy. Let's go get Jacob."

"Jacob," I said allowing my voice to thicken. I started crying right then and there. I couldn't stop myself. I felt miserable. I had lost all of the peace I had attained when I was alone or even when it was just me and Alice. It seemed to me that it was everyone else that was complicating everything. I wanted to get Jacob home. I wanted Charlie to know I was sorry. I was glad that Billy seemed amused by all of this. We piled back into the cruiser, this time I sat in the back, like the offender that Charlie believed me to be. I cried quietly to myself wiping the tears away with the sleeve of Rosalie's thermal shirt. I hated how Charlie felt about me right now. I hated the fact that he thought me to be inconsiderate and irresponsible. Charlie's opinion mattered more to me the most and I could tell that in his eyes my reputation had been greatly diminished.

"Oh and by the way Bella," Charlie said over his shoulder.

"Yeah dad," I sniffed.

"You're grounded."

_Left nearly lit_, I thought as we drove toward the station.


	18. Chapter 18

The Heat

Chapter 18

I never even got a chance to see Jacob. Another officer gave him and Billy a ride home, taking them out the back, while I sat in the tiny, drab and depressing front office. It must have been hard for Charlie to know that charges brought against he best friend's son were because of his daughter. I wondered if Charlie had brought the charges against Jake himself. I disregarded the thought before it could cross my mind a second time. My role while we were there remained pretty much the same. I hung back and let Charlie do all the talking. I didn't say anything and answered questions with a "yes" or a "no" whenever possible. I ignored comments I overheard like, "you thinks boys are tough aye, try girls". I heard one officer comment that they'd have to redefine jail bait because of me. Luckily Charlie didn't hear those comments. I don't think, even considering the circumstances, that he'd want to hear one of his own deputies talking that way about his daughter. I certainly didn't want to hear it. I was so mad I wanted to cry. Deep down I wanted to rage. Charlie walked quietly behind me as we left the station. I liked it when Charlie stayed by my side, the whole station was quiet when Charlie was around.

When we finally got home I just went up to my room. I assumed that Charlie and I weren't exactly on speaking terms. The sun was up. I changed out of Rosalie's "camping clothes" and into my normal everyday boring Bella clothes. I felt miserable and I was once again in a mood to escape but I don't think there would be that opportunity today. I turned the chair that used to sit in front of my desk, upright. I tacked up the curtain that had been thrown haphazardly on my bed. I remembered briefly watching it float to the ground having just been ripped from my window; a residual memory from that horrible day.

I decided that I needed to keep busy, keep my mind engaged so I gathered up all the dirty clothes in a pile and carried them downstairs to be laundered. I made a place for the camping equipment in the basement and then decided to make Charlie a peace offering, also known as pancakes. I went into the kitchen and Charlie sat in his usual mismatched kitchen chair reading the paper and sipping coffee. He didn't say anything when I first entered the room. He just continued reading; breathing and drinking his coffee, while I mixed together ingredients in a bowl.

"I don't think that you should answer the phone today Bells," Charlie said, finally breaking our silence. "Not much happens in a small town like this, local papers might call or something." Charlie paused to clear his throat, "I've instructed the station not to answer any questions either." He lifted his coffee mug to his lips again and silently he took a long drink.

I nodded as Charlie watched me listening to his advice. "I don't really feel like talking to anyone about this anyway, dad."

"Now, regarding your recovery time; I've decided to make an adjustment of my own," Charlie said putting the coffee cup down onto his newspaper. "You'll be going to school tomorrow. You'll be going to school," he continued, "because I have to go to work."

I nodded again.

"I know what Dr. Cullen recommended for you Bells but I don't think your latest excursion was exactly _restful_. I have to go to work and you have to go to school so at the very least I'll know where you'll be." Charlie didn't say anything again for a long while. I finished making the pancakes and placed a plate stacked high in front of him. "I expect you to go and then come straight home."

"Ah," Charlie said examining the plate of food, "Its good to have you home again, but I have to say, that I think that you may just have the perfect mix of your mother and me in you." Charlie paused to contemplate his next thought and then continued. "You don't have a word to saw about much. You're independent but you also can't just stay home." _That stung._

I controlled the rush of my emotions from overwhelming me as Charlie mentioned Renée and my overall feelings on what he'd just said. Regarding Renée, I felt that she must have been torn apart with not knowing where I was. My mother was emotionally fragile at best. "How is Renée?" I asked.

"Honestly," Charlie said. "As far as I can tell, she's never been better." Charlie breathed in real deeply for a moment. "I spared her this whole nightmare that you've just put me through because I couldn't bring myself to think that Jacob had done anything to hurt you and there aren't any other dangers in this town that I thought could have done what people were speculating. You were gone Bells and you're like me. Well at least I don't think you're stupid. Gone doesn't mean dead. I figured this was something like last time; you'd be back."

I listened to Charlie spilling his thoughts on my whereabouts and what had happened for so long that I lost my appetite. I left my own plate of pancakes on the counter and then turned to go upstairs to my room. Charlie didn't say anything as I ascended the stairs.

My room was nearly back in order. Not perfect but better. While I was busy with other chores, Charlie must have come and cleaned up the smashed computer and he had placed the toppled over books, from the floor, into a pile on my desk, where my computer had been. I picked up a couple loose pieces of paper on the floor and placed them on my desk. The top corner of one had some tightly written words hen scratched hastily onto the paper.

Bella, I'm sorry. Love you. Jake.

I slammed my bedroom door and then lied down onto my bed to finally have my emotional moment. I tried to let myself drift to sleep fearing that I didn't know what I was anymore. I felt sick pretending to be something other than what I was. I felt exhausted and pressured under my current obligations. I thought to myself, how could I let this happen? How could I let Charlie's trust in me deteriorate so fast that he didn't doubt for a second that I'd never just up and take off without telling the people most important to me where I was? I was more disappointed in myself for fulfilling my end of the bargain than if I had broken with my end of the deal. A deal that I apparently made when I was unconscious. This whole situation made me want to burn. I got up from my bed and read Jacob's note again. Without thinking I crumbled the note until completely compacted into my fist. As I held the note tightly in my hand I could feel it start to crumble apart, like it was disappearing, disintegrating. I opened my hand, and ashes. They dropped from my hand like fine gray powder onto the desk. _What the…_

True, I was exhausted but now there were a few things that needed to be cleared up. I'd felt off since my recovery and I couldn't have Charlie thinking that'd I'd run away from him twice. I needed to have a better understanding of what was happening to me and seeing as they were the ones who did it; I thought that I would start with them to get some answers. Jake was my only ally on that side of things. I became anxious worrying whether or not our allegiance still held up. He'd been a bit torn the last time we'd spoken.

I went to the top of the stairs and yelled down to Charlie. "Dad. Are you too tired to go for a ride? Because I think we need to go."

Charlie made no verbal response but I heard the jingle of his keys.

We didn't speak on the car ride. I told him to head to Billy's and he asked no further questions. I think that this was what Charlie had been waiting for. I think that he had been waiting for me to open up and this was the key. I think that deep down, Charlie knew what my struggle was but he had no possible way of knowing why or really what it was about. Plus, I wanted to see Jacob. More than anything I needed to see him, to hold him if he'd let me or be in the same room with him if that was all that I could have of him; I thought, recalling his previous disgust with me.

We pulled into the yard for the second time that morning. It was now about ten am. Even if no one was conscious in that house, someone would be soon enough, I would see to that. I needed to get through this while I still had the courage. I knocked on the door twice before Billy got to the door.

"Hey Bella. I'm still on wheels so I takes me a little longer than you walkin' folks."

"Sorry Billy," I said sincerely. "Is Jacob around? We all need to have a talk. You, him, me and my dad," I said as Charlie stepped into the house behind me.

When Billy fully grasped what I was requesting he fidgeted in his chair. "Yeah, he's in the back room," he said. Then Billy turned to Charlie, "S'okay with you if she goes down and sees Jake?"

Charlie nodded and waved me off. I ran down the pokey hallway and walked right into his room. He was sleeping very soundly. He was resting on his back, one arm sprawled over his head in an arc, the other across his chest. His oversized body was much too big for his boy sized bed. There was a peacefulness about him that put me at ease. It was then that I became nervous of what remained lingering of the vampire smell. I wrinkled my nose. _If even I could smell it, Jacob would… _I didn't want him to jump into action or werewolf action or whatever he'd do. I decided at best my clothes were fresh but I hadn't showered. I would take this slow with less energy than I had originally anticipated. "Jake," I whispered still standing by his door. "Jake," I whispered again, "Its Bella. Wake up." I shook his foot. He still didn't budge. Slowly I dragged my finger along the underside of Jacob's foot. Immediately he bolted straight up. I backed away from him toward his bedroom door.

"Whose? What the hell?" he said.

I smiled at him as he began to focus on my face. His tired face softened.

"Can I come in?" I asked. _I had, after all, already been in._

"Sure sure," he said stumbling out of bed. I laughed at him as he tripped over his own monstrous feet. When he stood to his full height he was huge. I wondered briefly if he'd grown again while I hadn't been paying any attention. He slung his disheveled ponytail back over his shoulder and slowly paced toward me. I took a step back, instinctively. He turned his head sideways at the gesture. He didn't say anything.

"Can I hug you," I asked him.

His smile became huge and he flashed his brilliantly white teeth. He reached out for me and he pulled me by my waist into him. While he held me I heard the sound of a heavy chair dragging against the linoleum in the kitchen.

"Can we hurry this reunion along?" Charlie's voice said impatiently from the kitchen. I worried for a moment that Charlie was actually angry until I heard the sound of both the father's laughing to each other from the kitchen.

"I need you Jake," I started to say.

"Oh Bella," Jacob's face blushed and he stepped back from me.

"...to help me explain to Charlie what's going on here," I told him.

"What is going on here," he said, his face falling. He looked disappointed.

"Oh I don't know," I whispered, "a few days ago I was mauled, by what I've since learned to be a werewolf but through some strange miracle I survived and stand before you today," I tainted my speech thickly with sarcasm.

Jacob's face twisted, "Oh, that. I can't talk about that."

"Forget your stupid pact. Do this for me. Charlie must know something's going on and we can't keep it between us. I need your help here. Charlie is my only family. Billy knows that I've brought him here to talk and he's all fidgety."

"Because we're not supposed to talk about it," Jake whispered back. He looked away from me for a moment and then continued. "I literally can't talk about it," he whispered.

"Well Jake. I'm done _not_ talking about things. I'm involved in this thing now and it's affecting everything I do."

Jacob gently touched my hand as I instinctively pulled it away. "I'm sorry," I said as I began to explain. "Back in my room. When I got home, I was cleaning up and my hands burned paper."

Jacob just looked at me puzzled. "Burned paper?" he repeated.

I looked around his room and saw a stack of school work in the corner of his room. I pulled a blank piece of paper from the notebook and crumbled it up in my hands as I had before, but this time nothing happened.

"Okay," I whispered to myself. I pulled another piece of paper and tried again. Then again. Jacob watched me as I crumbled and threw balls of paper around his room. He said nothing as he watched me begin to feel like I was losing my mind.

"I believe you," he finally said to me.

"Yeah well, now I don't know if _I_ _believe me_," I said dropping the pad of paper.

Jacob looked at me with sympathy. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Bells. You've been through a lot."

I shook my head frustrated. "That's not exactly the point, Jake." I ran my fingers through my hair, "I feel like I'm losing my mind." I pushed through the frustration I felt and looked at Jacob as convincingly as I could. "That's why we have to tell Charlie. I don't feel right and I don't know if I can do this on my own. He's my father."

Jacob maneuvered toward me and instantly he was at my side. We sat down on his bed together. "I'll always be here," he said his voice deep with concern.

I gave him a sideways glance. I couldn't tell him that I didn't exactly trust him, but until he had said he'd "always be here" it hadn't occurred to me to consider not trusting him. Now that I'd thought about it, I wasn't sure that I did. Jacob examined my face, his eyes shifting, trying to interpret my thoughts. I tried to keep my stare blank so as not to betray my thinking. I loved Jake and I needed his alliance. "Please Jake. I need to tell Charlie. If you haven't got anything to say, I would like you to at the very least be there to back me up."

Jacob said nothing as he stood. He faced the corner of the room away from me and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Let's go."

Jacob sat across from me in the Black's tiny kitchen. Billy sat at the head of the table, near the counter between the table and the refrigerator. He poured coffee for himself and Charlie while everyone sat quietly waiting for me to say something. I looked around the room at all the faces watching me. I hated being the center of attention. I felt my pulse race, like I was preparing to give a speech. I tried to calm myself and concentrated on my breathing. I cleared my throat loudly and prepared to just start talking.

"I didn't just runaway, Charlie. I need you to know that. I need you to understand that after last time, I decided that I could never do that again." I stretched my arms in front of me as I prepared to continue. My obligations were toying with the thoughts in my head. I wanted to say more, but somehow I couldn't find the words. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. I couldn't say anything. This was more than a mental block. _Something was preventing me…_

"Bella, what happened? Why did you bring me here? None of this is making any sense."

"There are these" _werewolves_ "things" I started to stumble over my words. _The Wolves _"The things…" I stumbled again. Charlie looked at me skeptically. I tried to continue, as an idea came to me, "Do you remember when I was worried about Jacob and the gang?"

Charlie's face maintained is skepticism. "Yeah. The La Push Gang," he chuckled teasing.

I shook my head. "No, it really exists, only it's not a gang really it's more of a…" _pack _"thing". I became so frustrated that I smacked the table and it slid several inches across the room, up against the wall, pressing Jacob's back into the wall as well.

"Whoa," I heard the three men sitting around the table exclaim unanimously.

"What was that?" Charlie asked.

"That is what I'm trying to tell you. Jacob," I said looking from Charlie to Jake for support.

"Bells, I've had the same problem. I can't talk about it either." His face changed before my eyes. An unsullied expression crossed his face. "I wonder if you're part of the…thing."

"No," I said without thinking. "I'm not one of those _things_."

"Then try to talk about it with Charlie. I tried lots of times to tell you Bells. Its part of it. I bet now that you're a part of it you'll be able to hear my," he paused. "This could be awkward," he conceded.

"What the frick is going on?" Charlie asked, losing his patience.

Billy's eyes shifted from Charlie to Jacob to me and then back to Charlie. "We have special guardians here in La Push. It's a bunch of hoodoo-whatcha-ma-call-it stuff 'bout the youth protecting the tribe and all that. Bella was sort of initiated into the group, so ta speak and now she's part of the thing. The kids can't talk about it because they're not supposed to, but just about everyone here knows what's going on, even though they think we don't. Bella didn't runaway. These initiations, they can take a long time. We did this sort of stuff when I was a kid. This isn't anything new," Billy continued to ramble. I realized listening to Billy that he probably was much better at telling untruths than I could ever be, because what he was saying was working. Charlie listened closely to him while watching me. Billy even successfully made excuses for not having said anything to Charlie before. His explanation was simply, "I didn't know and hell, Bella'd taken off before."

My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I wished that we could get passed my unexpected trip to Phoenix last year.

"I don't know if I like you being part of something like this Bella," I pressed my lips together, unable to think of a reply.

_It's not like I had a choice in the matter._

Billy continued, "It's harmless really, aside from the disappearing act. You got all these kids walking around with nothing to do, and sometimes they cause trouble. These kids here. They don't cause any trouble. I'm not making excuses for the girl, Charlie. I'm just explaining."

"And there's no drugs involved in any of this...these 'initiations'?" Charlie said, still watching me.

"No," I said vigorously shaking my head. _More like blood doping._

We wrapped things up in La Push. Charlie finished his coffee and talked with Billy, planning some fishing. Jacob and I just watched each other. There wasn't anything for us to say so we just pretended to listen to the gruff voices of our father's scheduling their play date. Jake rubbed his foot against my ankle from under the table. When I didn't shirk away he crossed his ankles trapping my foot there.

On the ride home, I could still sense that Charlie felt uneasy toward me but having an endorsement from his closest friend definitely pushed things along. I did regret however that I could express to him the full extent of what had happened to me. I wondered what it meant to be a werewolf. Was it the same kind of transformation that I'd had explained to me about becoming a vampire? I remembered the fever I'd had when I was injured but I didn't know if that was from the transformation or an infection or if the transformation was an infection; and what about the spontaneously combusting paper or my inability to speak on certain subjects. No one's fever could run that hot and I was definitely under some sort of control. How far did that control go, I wondered? I thought back to everything that had happened and the more I invested in thinking about it the more questions arose.

The trip to La Push had done its work. Charlie's overall mood had changed toward me. I would be able to wiggle my way out being grounded soon, but today that wasn't any of my concern. I was so tired and I needed to rest.

_I could hear the sound of wind whipping through trees. The ground was soft and made a pleasant thud when I ran, like the ground was hallow underneath its blanket of moss and ferns. Then suddenly it wasn't the wind whipping through trees, it was me. I was causing the wind. It felt cool against my face and I ran and ran and ran. I was limber and full of stamina. There were others with me. I could feel their shouting but I couldn't hear them. All I could hear was the sound of feet pounding the ground. There was a rustling ahead. The rustling coaxed my stomach and without thinking I attacked, tearing a small rabbit to shreds. _

When I woke I dry heaved off the side of my bed. It was morning, might as well get ready for school.


	19. Chapter 19

The Burn

Chapter 19

I had slept 16 hours. Charlie left me a note on the refrigerator reminding me to come straight home after school and letting me know that Jacob had tried calling me several times the day before. I felt a twinge in my heart for Jacob but I needed to pull myself together long enough to be bombarded with questions before, during and between classes. Everyone was going to want to know about my trip to the ER. More people were going to want the scoop on my disappearing act. In Phoenix I was always overlooked. In a small town like Forks, nothing was ever overlooked and everyone seems to think that everything is their business. I decided long ago that I could never get used to this. Regardless of how I felt, it was something that I would have to deal with. Phoenix was behing me therefore how I would handle myself in Phoenix was irrelevant.

I quickly ate a bowl of cereal, still chewing as I rushed out the door to make it on time to school. The roads were stained black from the rain. When I got to school the lower parking lot was full so I ended up circling several minutes until I just parked on the street. I jumped from the truck already in a hurry, not really paying attention before a brooding and dark Jacob Black stepped in front of my, his smile blazing until he realized that I was so preoccupied that I hadn't seen him in the first place.

"Oh, Jake, sorry but I'm in a real hurry. I'm already late," I tried to explain, antsy, shifting my weight from my left to my right foot and than back again.

Jacob took his time responding. "Then what is a few more minutes later?" he smiled again coyly.

"It's pushing Charlie over the edge is what it is. I'm walking a thin line with him right now." I said as I started to walk away; reinforcing the seriousness of my words. "Sorry Jake. I've really got to go."

"Can you get out tonight, you think? I've talked to Sam about what's been going on," Jacob said lowering his voice as though someone maybe listening instead of already sitting in a warm dry classroom.

"You know," I paused. "I'll see what I can do. No promises though," I said turning to run to class. When I turned to see Jacob one last time before going inside, he was gone. I never heard an engine start. I heard no sound indicating that he had left. I kind of assumed he would hang back to have watched me go inside. That, I thought, would have been a very Jacob way to behave, protectively watching on. The fact that he had just left, made me nervous. That was when I realized that I was back to where I had been before with Jacob; that our relationship seemed always to be going back to this place. The place where what I felt for Jacob was different from how I treated him. I needed to find a way to reconcile those things so he would know what was going on inside my head; to understand my feelings, but now I had to get to class. I needed to have these sort of epiphanies when I wasn't already late for class, I thought to myself.

Most of my classes were completely foreign to me. I had missed nearly the whole week excluding Friday and hasn't been able to keep up with the work so I had fallen severely behind. I wondered for a moment if I should go out tonight, even if Charlie would lengthen my lead. I had a lot of work to catch up on. When I thought about it, I worried that Jacob wouldn't understand. I'd have to cross that bridge when I came to it.

Lunch was bizarre. I sat with my usual friends on one side of the table but Alice sat loyally to my right, away from the other humans, who all crowded in a pile at the other end of the table in an attempt to be the furthest away as possible. Alice's bubbly personality should have been enough to put the others at ease, I thought, but apparently they felt very different from the way that I did about Alice Cullen. Her excitement at being home rose and fell like waves as she spouted off stories from her "semester abroad" and recollected all the great reasons to back in Forks. Alice's homesickness wasn't understood by the others, not knowing that here in Forks, the climate allowed the Cullens to have a life during the day, as well as at night.

Alice told me that Edward was sick and would be coming to school Monday. Deep down, it felt like Alice was in attendance more as a forewarning to Edward's arrival than as the returner of a journey. She seemed to be trying to predict my response to Edward returning to school. I had never met the Alice undercover, sitting beside me. She didn't even bother to insinuate, saying plainly that Edward wanted to see me before school on Monday. She just came right out and said it at lunch with all the human's watching on. Mike's mouth dropped open. I thought that Jessica might fall over from shock, but I ignored their disdained reactions. "I dunno, Alice. My weekend schedule is pretty full because of school work and Charlie." I was relieved that Edward would understand my commitment to academia unlike Jacob who would not take in stride the disappointment of not seeing me tonight because of school work.

Walking to gym class I chatted with Angela about the past week. Her calm demeanor was an extreme contrast Alice Cullen's, Mike Newton's or Jessica Stanley's. She seemed legitimately concerned that I hadn't been in school or at work in more than a week by this point. I told the abridged version of my story to her quickly, telling her that my excursion away from home the past few days was an attempt to find my transcendental self. I made it sound like I was joking which was her cue to probe no further. Angela was good at picking up on such nuances.

She listened quietly as I spoke. In the end she nodded and said, "You know it's none of my business." Angela's concern spilling over into actual phrases was new to her character. It peeked my interest. "If you have a freak out about Edward returning, I'd totally understand. If you need to talk," she finished.

I nodded and I looked at Angela a bit surprised for a minute. I wasn't sure where this was coming from and than in a flash of memories trailing all the way back to my "dark era" came in a flood of images plaguing my present. "Thanks, Ange, but I think I'm okay." I wasn't sure how to interpret Angela's concerns. I had spent most of lunch period skirting the Edward issue. I certainly didn't want it to come up again.

When school ended, I prepared to drive home in the pouring rain. I felt like life was, starting now, beginning to have a sense of normalcy. I was able to breathe without anxiety. I had gotten through this hectic day of school and classes and the curiosity of the general public. I turned up the heater in the truck until the fog on the windows cleared. I drove home slowly, delaying the inevitable slavery to my school books. I thought over my game plan as I drove, considering where to start. My biggest concern was calculus and I had an essay to write for government concerning my thoughts on the Electoral College. I had to admit that I would have to come up with some thoughts before actually sitting down to write, however if I were willing to pass on the creativity of independent thought in writing that essay. The assignment, I decided wouldn't really be such a challenge. I had prioritized my list and figured if I took the time to read _Animal Farm_ tomorrow I'd be ready for the quiz on Monday. I might actually have some free time after all this weekend, I thought grinning to myself hopefully.

When I got home I went over what food we had stocked in the kitchen. There wasn't much but I figured at the very least that I could manage some hamburgers for dinner. I sat down at the kitchen table to begin my grueling weekend of homework and Charlie appeasement. I hated calculus so I decided to get that out of the way first. Luckily my class hates calculus as much as I do and our teacher had decided that repeating a lesson from earlier in the week would be in the best interest of the class as a whole. Techinically, I only had two assignments to complete for calculus. I kept rummaging through ideas in my head for my government essay and made brief notes on scrap paper as I checked over my math homework. I had actually completed a subject by the time I needed to start dinner. Already I felt the pressure melting away. Though I doubted if I would be able to see Jacob tonight, determining that it wasn't a good idea to ask Charlie to go out tonight.

Charlie didn't come home on time from the station so I wrapped up his dinner and proceeded upstairs to start typing my government essay. I personally thought that the topic was rather bland and tossed around ideas in my head about alternative election styles. I decided to cut down on as much research as possible, omitting any ideas about juxtaposing the American and European election styles. I simply wrote (and I mean simple) a flow of consciousness type essay in favor of the popular vote over electoral college. When I finished, it was about 3 pages of work. I looked up at the clock and it had only been a half hour. I smiled at my wiliness. All this work was a breeze, I thought impressed with myself.

I heard Charlie come in the door just as I set my essay up to print. The phone rang as I stood waiting to go greet him. He answered in the same monotone voice that I would have used. "Yeah, she's here, I think," he said into the phone as I started to come downstairs. Charlie looked up at me, his plate of food in one hand and the phone receiver in the other. "It's for you."

"Jake?" I asked.

"Edward," Charlie mouthed the words quietly under his breath.

"Hello," I said into the receiver.

"Hello Bella. I hope that I'm not interrupting anything. Alice says you have a lot of work to do this weekend."

"Yeah, um no, you're not interrupting," I said keeping the tid bit to myself about already being nearly done even if I did have bragging rights, Edward's were far and above my own academically.

"I want to see you. Carlisle wants to see you too if you've got any free time, say, tomorrow?"

I winced and then answered aware that he couldn't read my facial expression. "I will have to see what my schedule looks like and what Charlie has to say about it. I'm not at liberty at this time to come and go as I please."

"I understand," was Edward's only response. "Please let me know when you can. We have some things to talk about."

"Is it urgent?" I asked my curiosity peeked by his serious tone.

"Sort of," he concluded. "but there is still time." Edward's voice changed infinitesimally, changing in pace, "listen, its not serious, just let me know when you can get out of the house."

I agreed and let him go.

"You're not going out Bella," Charlie said to me from his lounge chair in the living room.

"I wasn't asking," I retorted.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm not going anywhere, that I'm not asking to and have told everyone that I'm grounded." I started to fly back up the stairs irritated that though I was doing the right thing, Charlie couldn't see it. I got a phone call asking me to go out and he'd not only eavesdropped on the call knowing full well my response but assumed that I would try to find a way out of it. Truth is, the idea had crossed my mind but isn't it customary to be critical once there is something to be critical about. I got to the top of the stairs and then yelled down to Charlie, "How long am I grounded for anyway?"

He didn't answer. He didn't know himself.

"I've finished most of my school work," I yelled down to him. "Do you want to check it?"

I heard Charlie get up from his chair. He stood in front of the stairs as I stared down at him. "Bella, I know that you are angry that you are stuck here. You and I both don't want that, but I need some assurances. I need to know where you are, how long you'll be there, where you are going and when you'll be home. I can't tolerate anymore of these disappearing acts."

I simply nodded my head.

"Bella, we are both very new to each other and you act like someone who can handle herself for her age but sometimes you throw me for a loop and I don't know who you are. I think that I'll feel better if you are just home tonight."

"Just tonight?" I asked, basically shocked.

"Just tonight; under the condition that I know where you're going and..and you have a curfew now; ten o'clock on weekends and eight o'clock on school nights. Fair?"

I didn't know about the curfew but I had to take what I could get for now. I agreed and then went back into my room. I opened up Animal Farm and started reading. I fell asleep around page 75. It wasn't even seven o'clock yet the last time I'd looked.

The scent woke me up. I could smell it as though it were right here in the room. I looked at the clock. 10:08. I had fallen asleep for a few hours. When I shifted on the bed I knocked my book onto the floor. The smacking sound of the hardcover book hitting the hard wood floor startled me the rest of the way awake. I could smell fire. I ran out of my room and the hallway was clear. When I came close to Charlie's room I banged on his door with the palm of my hand. "Charlie, there's a fire," is all a said and only seconds later was he opening the door to his room, his robe slung over his shoulder, his slippers dragging on the floor as he walked. "Where's the fire?" he asked, his eyes still dreamy and face pillow creased.

"I dunno but I can smell it," I said starting to run down the stairs.

"I can't smell anything," Charlie mumbled.

I checked the kitchen and the coast was clear but I could still smell smoke. It wasn't smoke like the kind that you smell from a camp fire. It had a chemical smell to it. It was a scary kind of smell, like when houses burn down. I followed the scent outside of the house.

"Bella, what're you doing?" Charlie said as I went out into the rain. I stood in the driveway for a moment to catch the scent again. It was coming from my left and when I turned to follow the trail I saw a small glimmer of orange flash from the kitchen window of the house two lots down from Charlie's. I took off running. "Call 911," I yelled. Charlie balked at me as I ran off down the deserted street rain falling in fat drops everywhere. When I got to the house, I didn't bother to knock. The lights were off inside but there was a car in the driveway so I figured someone might be home. I saw a remote phone hung up on a charger just inside the kitchen. "FIRE! FIRE!" I yelled up the stairs. "EVERYONE GET UP, THERE IS A FIRE IN THE HOUSE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!" I stood back from the kitchen with the front door open, Charlie was coming up on me quickly. Realizing that I still had the phone in my hand I dialed 911 and waited in the breezeway, watching as block smoke collected in the kitchen covering the ceiling and spilling into the small hallway. Flames licked up from curtains that looked as though they had separated, fallen to the floor as though melted; continuing to burn in a pile on the floor. The fire itself cast strange shadows on the walls that moved upon what wasn't already in flames. Charlie pushed me out of the house as I spoke to the 911 dispatcher on the phone. Charlie dashed upstairs, yelling that everyone needed to get out of the house. He emerged minutes later with a young girl in his arms and a young woman, dazed. It was only a matter of seconds before I heard the siren of the fire engines. They came blaring up the street while the four of us stood several yards away from the house, the fire spreading up the right corner consuming all in its wake. The little girl, I learned was named Sophie. Her mother stood mouth opened wide in horror. Sophie cried, holding her mother's dumbstruck hand until I reached down and picked her up, holding her securely to my hip, allowing her to cry into the tangled mess of my hair. Eventually the young mother turned to Charlie and said, "Thank you. Thank you for getting us out." Charlie nodded off her gratitude telling her that it was me who smelled the fire. "We live two houses down," Charlie told her. Little Sophie continued to cry until her mother finally caught her barings and started stroking her back and telling her that all would be okay. We watched on as the firemen put out the blaze, which luckily left everything but the right corner of the house intact. The source of the fire, they determined was a washer or dryer. Tears trailed down the young mother's face as the firemen instructed her on where she could stay if she didn't have any family or friends to stay with. Charlie and I stood there watching the sad horrors of the evening. Neither he nor I said much. Sophie's crying turned into simpering sups sups that eventually were replaced with the regulated breathing of sleep. The rain had turned to mist and clung to our hair collecting in tiny beads that eventually ran together. For a moment I was reminded that there are evils other than mythical creatures, vampires and what have you. Sometimes bad things just happen.

When I returned home the adrenaline had been siphoned from my blood so I fell to sleep quickly; the scent of the smoke and fire still clinging to my hair and my skin.

_I was walking with Jacob hand in hand but then, all of a sudden, we were not holding hands at all. The distance between us began to increase inperceptively; as though he was being drawn away from me by an invisible black hole while I remained unaffected. I called to him as he was being drawn further and further away. He made no response, only becoming smaller and smaller as the distance between us stretched; then I was all alone. I looked into my hands which looked creased and aged. My skin was like crinkled paper, my clothes animal skins but not just any animal skin, the red pelt of a wolf._ I shot up in bed. I was jolted awake for the second night in a row.


	20. Chapter 20

Contrition

Chapter 20

I awoke to the sound of gentle tapping at my door. The first thing that I noticed lifting my head from my pillow was my favorite kind of weather shining though the window. The weather allowed me to forgive for being woken so early. "Yes," I said still in a sleepy haze.

"Bella," Charlie's voice was calm and soft. He'd learned not to wake me too excitedly, not that Charlie ever got excited. "I'm going out to Billy's for some fishing. I was wondering if you wanted to join me."

I didn't say anything at first, just letting Charlie's proposition sink in.

"I know Jacob's going to be around today," he continued.

"You really want me to go fishing?" I said getting out of bed.

"Um, no, but I figure if you ride out with me to Billy's I'll know abouts where you'd be."

_Ah, Charlie was playing to role of the concerned dad._ "When are you leaving?" I asked peeking through a crack I made in the door.

"In an hour or so."

"Yeah, I'll come with," I said closing the door again.

I searched my room for some decent clothes. The weather changes so frequently I wanted to be prepared for the invasion of clouds that would inevitably take over my sunny day. I slipped out of my bed clothes, feeling an ache in my side and noticing scratches along the sides of my legs and my arms. I slipped on my bathrobe and went into the bathroom. I was accustomed to being covered with scrapes and bruises but for the life of me couldn't remember bumping into anything or taking a fall. When I thought back to the night before, I wondered if in my frantic state I might have hit up against something without realizing it. I concluded that it may always remain a mystery and hopped into the shower. At first I let the steaming hot water wash over me soothing my aching muscles. When I washed my hair I scrubbed my scalp and came up with bits of grime under my finger nails. The black smoke from last night's fire must have left a dirty film on my skin. I finished up in the shower and then went to my room to get dressed. "I'll be right down," I yelled down to Charlie, who was no doubt, sipping coffee quietly while reading the paper.

Having dressed in layers for the day: jeans, a long sleeved tee shirt and another tee shirt over that; I made my way downstairs, tying my hair back as I met Charlie in the kitchen. "You want some breakfast?" he asked me, still sitting at the table.

"No," I declined. I just didn't feel hungry that morning, I thought sitting carefully, protecting my aching left side.

"That was a brave thing you did last night," Charlie said putting his new paper down onto the table. "You saved the lives of those people."

I didn't respond, being at a loss for words. It was too early to be talking of heroism and life saving.

"I'm very proud of you."

"I only did what any other person would do," I said with honest humility.

"All the same," Charlie continued, "I'm proud."

I grabbed my backpack and we were off.

***

The ride out to Billy's was quiet and wonderful. I watched the sunlight dance through the dark green leaves of the trees, casting their green glow on the ground below. The air was cool but it smelled like spring. The spell had been cast; it was nearly magical. Part of me wanted to get out of the cruiser and run through the woods the rest of the way, just to bask in the glory of the sun and soak up all of the vitamin D that I could. There were no clouds, yet. It didn't look like rain, yet. This was going to be a wonderful day.

When we arrived at Billy's, Billy was waiting for Charlie, sipping coffee at his kitchen table, just as Charlie had been when we were at home. "Jacob is still sleeping," Billy informed me as he invited me to hang out and watch TV until he woke up or I got so bored I woke him up myself. Sympathizing with Jake and having wanted to sleep in myself I left him to continue his slumber. I pulled _Animal Farm_ from my backpack and laid down on the couch to read with the expectation of falling asleep myself.

Billy and Charlie left shortly after we arrived. Charlie carried a six pack under one arm and fishing gear under the other. The two men murmured quietly to each other as they closed the front door on their way out.

The Black house was very quiet. If felt good just to be out of my house. Here there were no phone calls to answer. No chores. No work to be done. This place was like a sanctuary. I felt like I was safely lost, where no one that I didn't want to see could find me. I opened my book and fell back to sleep before reading through the first page I'd opened to.

***

I heard a knock at the door. For a moment, I was disoriented, having been awoken in a place other than my bedroom. This was a feeling I was becoming strangely familiar with though I had never slept at Billy and Jacob's before. Once I realized where I was I sat up on the couch. Then there was a knock at the door again. I shook the sleep from my mind as I went to answer the door. I opened it a crack and peaked out. There stood an imposing dark skinned man. He fidgeted when he saw me, like I'd caught him by surprise.

"Hey Paul," I said my voice still dozy. "Jake is still sleeping."

"Sorry Bella. I didn't mean to disturb you. Actually Jake is on patrol right now. I was here to see Billy."

"Patrol?" I said, not understanding Paul's meaning.

"He's out running the grounds. It's a werewolf thing. We take turns," he explained quickly before getting to the point. "Is Billy here?" he asked peeking his head in through the door.

"Oh. No. He and my dad are fishing."

Paul looked down as though trying not to meet my gaze. He played with his fingers which he held at his front nervously until he noticed I was watching him and then dropped his hands to his sides.

"I don't know when to expect them back. They're often gone most of the day. They really like fishing," I smiled.

"Well," Paul paused. "Do you mind if I come in and wait until Jacob gets back then?"

I opened the door wide for him to enter and closed the door once he'd come inside. There was an awkward silence as we walked into the living room. We both sat down on opposite ends of the couch watching the floor or our feet, anything but looking at each other. I tried to think of something to say.

"I, ah-" I started to mumble.

"So were you waiting for Jacob, to ah, hangout?" Paul asked.

"Yeah." I said. "I kind of thought that he was here, asleep, so I was waiting for him to wake up." I explained how I'd gotten a ride in with Charlie this morning.

"Oh," was all that Paul said. Again there was a long silence.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and held them there with my arm as I waited to think of something to say. I just watched Paul as he patted his thighs with the palms of his hands. He was fidgety or impatient or both.

"Do you want me to tell Jake when he gets back that you came by? I could have him call you so you don't have to wait around."

Paul stood to his full height, blocking the living room's only window and casting a long shadow over me. "Okay," he conceded, fidgeting again where he stood. He took a step toward the kitchen, toward the front door and then back tracked standing over me again, blanketing me for a second time in his long shadow again. "You know Bella," he said looking into me. He took a long breath and then sat back down onto the couch. "I have something to say to you. In fact, I'm kinda glad that you're here."

I listened to him with curiosity.

"That day. The day that you got hurt," he said, his eyes burrowing into me. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," he continued looking away from me toward the window across from us. A golden light cast through the curtains and rested on the dark skin of his face. His jaw line was square and tight and for the first time I noticed that he had enormous circles under his eyes, like he'd been losing sleep. Despite his appearance and his overall look of contrition the only word I could muster to say was, "Okay."

Unsatisfied Paul abruptly got up from the couch and walked swiftly toward the door.

"Wait!" I called after him. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say." I paused for a moment trying to find the right words. At times in life people say things because it is merely the right thing to say. At other times people genuinely mean what they say and I didn't think that Paul's apology was any exception. "I accept your apology."

Paul stopped and looked at me again. "Please understand, I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I-" he started to stumble.

"Its okay," I said getting up from the couch. His size, even when standing next to him was somewhat intimidating. He was tall, leaner than Jacob but his muscle tone showed plainly through his tee shirt. His jeans fit loosely at his waist and he kept his hair cropped short. I smiled realizing where my thoughts had wandered. "It's okay. I don't really remember much of what happened that day, but Carlisle told me what you did to help save my life. Thanks for that."

Paul smiled back at me. I wondered briefly if he knew what I'd been thinking. "Let me make this whole thing up to. It's early still. Have you had breakfast?"

"No, we left really early this morning."

"Let me take you to breakfast. It'll still be a while before Jake gets back and there's a little place just down the road a ways."

I thought for a moment while Paul's proposition settled. "I suppose that I could leave Jake a note to let him know I was here; that I'll be back," I said thinking aloud. I looked around for a piece of scrap paper. This house was definitely kept by bachelors. It seemed like nothing really had a place. Things were piled indiscriminately kind of everywhere. The only clear piece of furniture in the whole house was the kitchen table. There was a blank envelope on the counter in the kitchen and a pen next to the telephone. "How long do you think we'll be gone?" I asked.

Paul shrugged, "I dunno. An hour?"

I finished my note and then placed in under a magnet on the refrigerator. I figured that would be one of the first places Jacob would hit when he returned home.

Paul and I walked about the distance of a mile. We talked candidly the whole time. He told me about his transformation and how he felt when he found out that he was a werewolf, how it affected him both physically and emotionally. He talked as though he'd been looking for someone to open up to for quite sometime. He was a good listener too. I explained about how Charlie had lost trust in me and how that made me feel. At this moment in time, it felt very good to be alive and to be making a connection.

At the diner Paul ordered a smorgasbord of food: pancakes, eggs, toast, sausage and bacon, home fires and orange juice. I ordered an omelet, still not feeling all that hungry but figured ordering just toast or fruit salad would be "girlie"; like a date. I moved around the bits of egg and mushroom on my plate while Paul ate eagerly. We didn't talk much during breakfast. It seemed like hunger had taken him over, like I was no longer there. I had become completely involved in my own false absence when Paul took a moment to breathe or digest. "I'm sorry," he said. "You must be bored. I patrolled last night and all that running really works up an appetite," he explained in a whisper, smiling.

"Its okay, I was just thinking," I admitted.

"About?"

"I think I should get back to Jake's."

"Hey, do you think that I could show you something. Its kind of special and I'd have to ask you not to tell anyone else, just for right now."

His cryptic enticement sparked my interest. "What it is?"

"It's just a special place, really. A secret. It's just a short hike from here. We wouldn't have to back track too far to get back to Jake's."

The hike was a bit more substantial then I would have considered "short". I listened as Paul talked, occasionally looked back at me to make sure that I was keeping up. I was surprised at how easily I was able to maneuver through low lying branches and tree roots without falling or even being caught up. We walked in rhythem to the crunching of dried leaves and branches from under out feet. Paul's voice had a natural bass to it. He told me that since finishing high school he hadn't been able to find work, that he felt an unexplainable need to stay close to his home. He'd had to keep his transformation a secret from his family because his mother wasn't Quileute. He expressed mixed feelings for his secretiveness.

Proudly Paul described the work that he'd been doing at the site he was taking me to. He said that aside from his patrol duties he didn't have a lot of responsibility so he'd been removing rocks from a creek bed to build up the intensity of the waterfall he was taking me to. "Last spring, the falls weren't much more than a slow trickle," Paul told me. When we arrived the banks along each side of the brook were lined with large rocks and stones that had been removed from the creek bed. We hiked down to the bottom of the falls. The sound of the water was like constant low rumble of thunder. The water turned unto itself creating a white foam as the water from the falls mixed with air bubbles that floated to the surface like clean lather. It was a breathtaking sight. I sat along the side of the creek and removed my shoes and rolled up my pants legs. I dipped my feet into the cold refreshing creek water. The site was inspiring. The sun was climbing higher into the sky drying the ground and warming the breeze that swirled around spreading the scent of the forest. The sun's warm glow shined in streaks down through the canopy of maples and firs. I could smell the earthy scent of the damp earth, the moss and wild flowers somewhere in the distance. Spring had crept up on me. Paul and I sat silently next to the creek and for the first time today our silence was completely comfortable. There were no words to express this place so there was nothing really to be said between us.

Paul's body was close to mine. The side of his leg pressed against mine and I could feel the contrast of his constant heat with that of the cool water. I picked small blades of grass twining them together and then threw them into the creek. "I should be getting back," Paul said standing up. I agreed with a nod of my head, pulling my feet from the creek and unrolling my pants. _This was worth not napping for._

Paul and I hiked only ten minutes to Jacob's. We came off of a trail that led behind Jacob's garage. Paul, left me there, disappearing in a flash. I was in awe of the things that I had seen, the loveliness of the waterfall but also the engineering of the land which Paul was doing to help the little waterfall along. I was touched that Paul had shared with me his secret.

When I arrived back at the house Jacob sat at the kitchen table. He had thrown together several sandwiches and stacked them three or four high onto a plate. He turned when I came in but didn't get up.

"Welcome back," I said to him.

"Welcome back, yourself," he said to me.

I took a seat at the table next to him. Jacob's skin glistened with sweat, his musky smell mixed with earth. For a moment, I felt like I was home.

"How was your patrol?" I asked, at a loss for conversation.

"Fine. Truthfully, I was tired, but now that you're back I think that a shower might revive me."

Jacob looked at me suspiciously a moment and I conceded that Paul and I had gone for a hike after breakfast.

"Well then, can I convince you to join me? For the shower I mean. You look like you've been patrolling a little bit yourself," he flirted, smiling coyly.

I responded appropriately punching him in the arm. He didn't even flinch and then he got up from the table. He placed his plate in the sink and then walked back toward me. He kissed me on the top of my head. I accepted the kiss without saying anything and before I had another thought I heard the sound of the bathroom door closing and the sound of the shower.

I became drowsy waiting for Jacob. I pulled _Animal Farm_ back out and started picking away at some pages. I wasn't really paying attention as I scanned the few pages that I did read. I hadn't been in class so the topic of the book was lost to me. I'd have to do my own research to put this together. _More work for tomorrow._ I tried keeping my eyes open but it was a losing battle. Every time I felt my lids close, I would jolt myself awake again. This became exhausting and I was already exhausted. Either way, I lost the battle.


	21. Chapter 21

Cold Ones

Chapter 21

When I woke it felt like I was lying too close to a space heater. Jacob lay in a rigid straight line on his bed, he looked as though we was trying to minimize touching. Strange. My sleeping position had been its usual style, curled up into a ball and taking up most of the already too small bed. Jacob's eyes were closed so I assumed that he was sleeping. He's breathing was slow and steady as though he were fast asleep, but his body was stiff. I carefully crawled out of bed so as not to disturb him. Just as I got to the door, his body reposition on the bed. I turned to look and he was looking at me. I whispered, "Good morning," smiling.

Jacob sat up and put his feet onto the floor, holding his head in one of his hands, still watching me. With his other hand he reached out for me. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me slowly and gently back toward the bed. Jake still had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was a tangled mess and all I could do was rest my face against his back as he leaned forward. _His heat was something I would have to get used to._ Then I wondered to myself about my changes. I wasn't running too hot these days. Then again maybe my heater just wasn't working. Regardless I closed my eyes and with my face still resting against his massive back. I could feel the expansion of his lungs as he breathed in. I could feel the tightness of his arm against my chest. Jacob was solid.

"It must be very late," he finally said.

I sat up, awakened from my focus and turned to face him. "But you are still so tired."

"Tired smired," he said smiling at me. Jacob stood up and then pulled me to my feet. "Besides, I'm hungry."

We walked out of his room. The hallway leading to Jake's room was dinky. There was just Billy's bedroom off to one side and then a bathroom opposite Billy's bedroom. Charlie and Billy were both seated in the kitchen, drinking coffee and quietly conversing. They both looked up as we came down the hallway. Whatever they were speaking of previously, ceased. Jacob's body language in the mists of this awkward scenario was very casual. I envied his ability to take things in stride. I, on the other hand, sat at the table opposite my father, having just emerged from my boyfriend's bedroom. I said nothing and held my hands together under the table. I imagined that I resembled a much smaller version of myself having been caught with my hand in the cookie jar, about to be scolded.

"Well kids," Billy said breaking the awkward silence, "you get enough sleep?"

I nodded. Jacob already raiding the refrigerator said nothing, his attention distinctly focused. I couldn't look at him and I knew that Charlie was watching me. I could feel his eyes burning holes into my forehead as though he could burrow deep enough to read my thoughts. I continued to try and act naturally but couldn't stop my eyes from shifting about the room to look at anything by Charlie, hence admitting to my guilt; or at Jacob, the subject of my guilt. Billy laughed and the two tense Swans darted both their stares in his direction. Billy gave me a friendly smile. _This must be easier for the father's of sons then it is for the father's of daughters. _

"What?" I said without thinking. "Nothing happened. We slept together."

From the corner of the kitchen came a crash, like something breakable hitting the floor. Jacob stood still, the plate that was in his hand having met its fate with the kitchen linoleum. Jacob was frozen in place. Only now realizing what I had said I shook the stupid and indictable phase from my mind, immediately amending the statement. "We were just sleeping. I feel asleep on the couch," I said looking to Jacob for back up.

Jacob immediately became casual again and regained his ability to move. He picked up the broken pieces of plate from the floor and corrected what I was saying. "I didn't sleep at all," he said looking up at me. Thankfully all eyes were on him at this point. I used the opportunity to relax. "I was a perfect gentleman," Jacob said staring Charlie down.

Charlie turned his stare from Jacob back to me. "Sometimes I think that I'm much too lenient with you Bells."

I rested my head cradled in the nest of my arms looking away from the group and quietly responded, "Nothing happened dad."

Billy piped up speaking from experience. "Come on now Charlie, their just kids," he said laughing a little to lighten the mood.

"That's my problem…" Charlie started to preach but his speech was lost on the crowd.

"You staying for dinner Bella?" Billy asked.

"Huh?" I said sitting up again.

"Gentleman, my foot," Billy said looking at Jacob. Charlie and I both looked at Billy having not crossed over into their conversation yet. "You didn't tell her?" he continued looking at Jacob. "We're having a bonfire tonight and I would like Bella to come as our guest. You too Charlie, if you think that she needs a chaperone," he teased.

"I'm out," Charlie said. "I don't know where you get the energy old man. I'm beat and I didn't sleep all day," Charlie said this time looking at me.

"Neither did I," Jacob said.

Quietly Jacob ate. Charlie threw dirty looks at me from across the table and Billy sat half proud of his son, half amused.

"You think Bella can get a ride home from one of you?" Charlie asked, full well knowing that Billy no longer drove.

"She's all set," Jacob said, still chewing.

Charlie got up from the table to leave. "Ten o'clock tonight, Bella," Charlie said staring me down.

"Then we should probably get started," Billy said.

"Ten o'clock isn't late enough to have had dinner?"

"The bonfire," Billy said stoic, correcting Charlie.

"Either way ten o'clock," Charlie said leaving.

"Ten o'clock is more than enough time Jacob," Billy consoled as he had become jittery looking about the room as though something important was at a loss. "More than enough," Billy shot a look at Jacob and suddenly I felt like I wished Charlie had asked more questions. I nervously shuffled my feet under the table.

****

A small crowd gathered around the site of the bonfire, which was yet to start. The air felt like late spring and though the day had been clear, there was a dampness in the air threatening rain. The site wasn't large but was enlcosed by trees. Many people were talking and laughing amongst themselves. I played at the possibility of knowing each and everyone one of them. To me, each one of these people were a character in a story. They probably felt the same way about me. I stayed close to Jacob and he wrapped a strong arm around me. He seemed proud to have me on his arm. Jake seemed to play the role of boyfriend very coolly. Several people I recognized from the pack had collected in a corner, under the boughs of trees. Their faces were serious and they occasionally looked toward Jacob and me. Jacob didn't seem to noticed, so I pretended not to.

Billy was the most social of the people in the group. His close friends, the Clearwater's walked the site along side Billy as the quiet murmur of the crowd became louder with excitement and occasional laughter. Jacob's was also gregarious. He laughed whenever he said almost anything and finished each conversation with a certain, "see ya 'round". Men, Jacob punched in the arm as a farewell; to women, he would take their hand and give it a gentle squeeze. Endearing. Everyone seemed so casual but me as I was pulled from one cluster of people to another in Jacob's ever constant desire to socialize. I don't think I had said a thing since Charlie had left. I felt like I had been thrown to the wolves.

Finally Sam came up to us, accompanied by a lovely young lady. Her hair streamed down her back in a series of twists and I heard referred to before as fishtail braids. Her dark shining hair reflected even the bleakest of the days last light. I caught myself mesmerized in it. Only after it became awkward, did I look away. "Its okay," said the girl, just introduced to me as Emily. "Everyone stares at first," she said. I looked for the first time, up close into her face and noticed the remnants of a tragic injury. It looked as though one side of her face had sustained a regrettable accident. "Oh, no," I said becoming insecure. "I didn't mean…I was admiring the braids in your hair," I said twirling a lock of my own around a finger. "I'm not talented enough to do fun stuff like that," I smiled. Emily seemed unsure at first but then her face softened and she smiled. "You hair is beautiful," I said. "Like the ocean at night," I said my hands flying to my lips. I talked as though mesmerized, without thinking. Emily's smile became bigger and she looked toward Sam who seemed to be just watching our exchange.

"Bella doesn't get out much," Jacob joked, excusing me. "But she's right," he said to Emily. "Your hair looks very pretty," Jacob said to Emily as he grabbed my hand again and gave it a good squeeze "Well, we'll be seeing you later," he said punching Sam in the arm. Jake's consistency brought me back to who I was. Suddenly I was very happy to be trailing next to him.

Jacob and I finally took a seat near most of what I could tell was the pack. Billy, I could see, was sitting with the Clearwater's and their two children. Jacob kindly pointed out some of the people I was yet to meet, putting faces to the names of people I'd only heard mentioned between him making comments and throwing friendly insults toward his friends in the pack. When the fire started the air became thick with smoke. There was no blaze yet from what I could see but the perfumed scent of sage waft through the air. I was handed a plate of food from over my shoulder. As Jacob continued to joke with his friends and now eat his dinner I sat quietly uncomfortable picking away at pasta salad and a hamburger.

"Hey Bella." I heard a familiar greeting to my left. "You don't seem to have much to say tonight," Paul said noticing my locked jawed silence.

I nodded "No", still chewing a bite of food and then laughed a little. "Every time I open my mouth I either get in trouble or sound crazy, so I'm going on strike. I'm not talking."

"Ah, so would this strike be up for negotiation because I'm sure that there are plenty of people here who would like to hear what you've got to say?" We both looked toward Jacob who was excitedly recollecting a story from his last patrol to Embry.

"There might be a couple people, but I have to think of the greater good," I joked.

"Well, I hope that you will at least grace me with your company. I'm not much for crowds really. I'm more of a one-on-one kind of guy," Paul said shyly smiling.

"Yeah, I can relate," I admitted considering the first day of school I'd experienced at Forks High School. "I wasn't born with the ability to function like normal people do in crowds."

Paul nodded as though sympathizing.

"I always trip over things and fall down. I have a reputation for being very clumsy," I confided

"You? No?" Paul said sarcastically poking me in the side where my scars were hidden beneath my clothing.

"I think that day was a joint effort," I said taking a bite of my hamburger, defensively.

Paul suddenly became quiet. He sat uncomfortably with his long legs crossed and leaned forward lumbering over his lap.

"Sorry I brought it up. You have to learn to get passed it," he blurted out.

"If you say so," I said as Paul swiftly rose to his feet and walked off.

"What was that all about?" Jake asked throwing his arm over my shoulders, startling me as I watched Paul stalk away.

"I don't know," I lied automatically while Paul disappeared into the crowd.

****

The evening wore down in no official manor. Once the sun was set the air became very cold and I shivered poorly dressed for the evening's outdoor entertainment. Occasionally an older tribe's member would bark out a story embarrassing another elder tribe's member. Sometimes the stories were sentimental or sad. Everyone listened in reverence, silently. I noticed that Billy Black did most of the talking. I wrapped my arms around my legs to hold in my heat. Jacob seeing me shivering shifted his seat so that he was behind me and lifted me into his lap. I immediately thawed when he wrapped himself around me. I felt like I was finally able to relax. I leaned my head against his arm. He rested his head on my shoulder and we both quietly listened as the Quileute's stories, some serious, some not so serious, were told. I closed my eyes and listened to the synchronicity of Billy Black's voice and the rate of Jacob's breathing over my shoulder. The fire that burned was small and everyone huddled closely as the night wore on. To my right, I heard the crowd of pack members talking. I heard someone ask if anyone had any paper and laughed. "This fire's too small," I heard another one say which was followed by another round of muffled laughter. When I looked to see what all the fuss was about my glances were returned with cold stares and whispering. Jacob didn't seem to notice so I pretended not to.

****

Eventually the crowd dissipated. The site had been strategically positioned in the center of a small clearing; a walkable distance from nearly any home on the reservation, Jacob had told me. He took my hand and we walked quietly together. It was a relief to be away from the crowd and especially away from the snide remarks coming from the direction of members of the pack; people who were supposed to be some of Jacob's closest companions. I was feeling preoccupied when Jacob finally asked me, "Did you have fun tonight?"

I pushed away the thoughts of animosity and awkwardness I felt from Jacob's pack and answered simply, "Yeah, I did," as I continued to troll along casually.

"It was a nice night," Jacob commented running his free hand through his hair.

I agreed with a nod of my head.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked, possibly sensing the anxiety in my silence.

"Sure," I lied. It could be tough to convince Jake of feelings other than what I felt. I decided to play along convincingly and turned to face him, walking backward as I flashed a smile at him, our hands still linking us. Whimsy.

"You know it's still early?" Jacob said suggestively.

I turned back around on my heels and swung our arms between us, "Yeah, but I have to get back so that Charlie will eventually loosen the reins."

Jacob agreed.

I decided small talk was the way to go tonight. Jacob got tense whenever I got quiet and though he would eventually have to get used to it I didn't want to be forced into a conversation about his pack's behavior tonight. "So," I said to keep the conversation flowing, "Does Billy always run the festivities like he did tonight?" I asked remembering his voice booming over the quiet crowd.

"Yeah," Jake answered. "He's a real master of ceremonies."

"And all the stories that we heard tonight you've heard before? They're all legends of your tribe?" I asked.

"Sure, sure," Jacob answered.

"Do you have a favorite?" I asked as we were reaching Jake's Rabbit.

Jacob recapped a few stories that we'd heard that night, as he drove me home. Some of the stories, even I'd heard before from Jacob. "But there is one that I thought that we were going to hear but I guess Billy changed his mind."

"What one's that?" I asked trying to keep Jacob talking.

"It's a long one, probably why Billy decided not to tell it tonight. It's about a woman who was part of out tribe, I dunno, like a hundred years ago. I think we've talked about this one before but anyhow, she was odd. This is more like one of those fairy tales you told me about once, with the children getting eaten and all that."

"Like a bedtime story. A Grimm's Brothers story?" I asked.

"Yeah," Jake said. "My babysitter used to love to tell me and my sisters this one. Anyway this woman always wanted to have kids and became so angry when her baby died that she started to collect children in the tribe and she'd eat them."

"Oh!" I said shocked. "And you wanted Billy to tell that story?"

"Well he tells it better than I do. He's got the details down packed. It's a little different when it's told to the tribe rather than as a bedtime story for kids. It's sadder because you kind of feel bad for her."

"Well what happens in that story then?"

Jacob was quiet for a minute as he thought. "Like I said, these legends all have a moral. When Jeanne's story is told to the tribe, it's about how the tribe needs to stick together; about how everyone in the tribe is important. As the story goes, Jeanne was dying after she tried to give birth. Her baby was dead. Her husband, a guardian of our tribe, like me, tried to use the essence of the tribe to save her life, because one of the bonuses of being a werewolf is that we heal super fast and we don't get sick. Well Jeanne was real sick and he tried to save her."

"So what is the essence that he used to try and save her?"

"Blood."

"Oh," I said following the story, "like me."

"Yeah well eventually Jeanne loses her mind because she cannot handle the loss of her baby or something and her husband is ostracized for doing what he did. Back then she was thought of as an abomination. She was forced to leave and try to survive out in the woods all by herself."

"That's awful," I whispered.

"So as the story goes, she lost her mind and started to kidnap the tribe's children. Like I said, I'm not good at telling the stories like my dad is."

"And what is the moral again?"

"That we all have to stick together and be supportive of one another. There are no outsiders when everyone is included. Harmony, that sort of stuff."

"Oh so Jeanne would have never lost her mind if the tribe had come and been supportive?" I concluded.

"Yeah, kind of. I'll have to have my dad tell you the story sometime. Like I said, I thought he was going to tell it tonight but maybe there wasn't time. I wanted him to tell it because Jeanne is like you, without all the dead babies."

"Yeah," I nodded agreeing. "But she was thought of as an abomination," I asked thinking of the spite I'd overheard from a couple members of the pack, "like in the legend of the cold ones?"

"Yeah, but it's a story about solidarity, Bella. Not what you're thinking." Jacob defended.

I became quiet again, wishing I could agree with him.


	22. Chapter 22

* Probably full of errors and is a bit piece meal but if the structure of the chapter were actually part of the story, then it would give relevance. Thanks for reading.

**2nd Edit

Off the Record

Chapter 22

Jacob walked me, predictably to my front door. The outside light was left on for me. I could tell Charlie had since retired, as he said he would at Billy's, because I couldn't hear the yammer of the TV. All lights in the house seemed to be off. Jacob walked beside me quietly because I was quiet. If he could have absorbed my insecurity he would have. He was a good person like that but instead he took my hand and held it gently. When we got to the door he watched me. His eyes were dark, shining in yellow light of the porch; two dark abysses. I wondered if his actual depth was reflected in his eyes and then scolded myself for doubting that I knew the answer for myself.

"You gonna be okay," he finally asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah. I'm just feeling anxious," I admitted.

"I've got something that could help with that," he said leaning in but planting his wet kiss on the side of my face.

"Not that. Not now." I scolded Jake this time. "I feel sick to my stomach," I said nodding my head "no", realizing that my body language defied my words.

"Okay then," he said dropping my hand. "I guess I'd better get going."

"Goodnight Jake," I said, my voice didn't rise or fall with feeling. I didn't even raise my hand to wave goodbye. I knew that Jake couldn't handle the ups and downs of my moods. I knew that he'd be a hypocrite to say so, Mister phases into a wolf if things make him unhappy.

I just shook my head and went inside. Jacob was probably halfway to La Push by then. I moved so slowly. I laid down on the couch, dropping my backpack next to it. I dug into one of the pockets emerging with _Animal Farm _again today. I love to read. I really love it. I love many of the classics: the Brontes, Austen, Dickens, et cetera. I had always wanted to read George Orwell. He's known to have a bleak outlook on the future, sure, but at least _1984_ turned out to be an exaggeration. I felt like my life was slowly caving in and it was 2009. I felt like Orwell and I could have something in common, though, I had to admit that Charlie was hardly Big Brother. In retrospect my life didn't seem that complicated but I couldn't shake the feeling of having no control.

Edward and I didn't mesh because he was always on me; protecting me, from the world, from myself, things that could happen, things that hadn't happened yet. It was suffocating. A disaster. Edward leaving was the pinnacle of everything that he felt for me. He loved me so much, he could leave to protect me and never see me again. That sentiment was not reciprocated. I surely did love him. I would fight for the one I loved. I would fight everyday and until my last breath. Edward would see to it that my expression of love was never necessary, which is all fine for some people. Not for me.

I was starting to wonder if Jacob and I were the opposite extreme. Too much alike. Too stubborn. Too moody. Too open. His wolfiness and his wolf friends not liking me certainly was putting a kink in our barely relationship that I wasn't sure I how I should act or react. Did he really not see them, hear them, with all his wolf hearing, jibing me? Was he just ignoring them? I mean, they were practically pointing. I bet Billy noticed the mood because he's the one who decided to leave the story out all together. Is that how things should be? Silence amongst the opposition? To have no voice in such a circumstance was to have no voice at all. Was I turning into Edward, for not fighting back? Oh, but Edward would fight back and there would be much blood shed; but not a drop to drink.

This is so complicated. I cracked open the book again and tried to push away all other thoughts from my mind. I would finish my reading if it were the last thing I did.

*********************************

I woke when I heard the sound of the front door closing loudly. Charlie knocked his boots against the mat in front of the door several times to dislodge mud and debris. I sat up on the couch, my literature book was on the floor next to my backpack, page 88 stared up at my accusingly.

"Oh, Bella, I didn't expect to see you down here. Did you sleep on the couch?"

I nodded affirmatively. I hadn't been awake long enough to speak yet. Charlie tromped into the kitchen and I heard the sound of the kitchen faucet, Charlie was making coffee and dishes being passed around.

"Are you just getting home?" I asked getting up from the couch.

"Sure looks like it don't it."

"You were out all night?"

"Correction," Charlie said in one of his mock sarcastic moods, I could tell. "Had to go back out. I'm exhausted to tell the truth of it," he admitted settling into one of the mismatched kitchen chairs.

"What's going on?"

"Remember that little family from down the street. The fire?"

"Yeah?"

"Well that little girl and her mother were staying with some friends down by Main St. when last night, suddenly, that girl just up and disappeared from her bed."

"What?" I said near hysterical. "Someone took that little thing…" I was at a loss for words let alone a reaction. I felt sick to tell the truth.

"Mom, noticed this morning when she got up, real early, apparently. She checked the whole house. I got called in with a few other boys to canvas the neighborhood."

"They must have been having a hard enough time as it was," I trailed off again, "You found her didn't you?"

"Wish I could say I did," Charlie frowned. Charlie never frowned. He was always calm, impartial, never emotionally affected, Charlie. "What are you doing today?"

"Homework," I said monotone, still affected by the news of Sophie's disappearance.

"Thought as much," Charlie said pouring his coffee. "I'm going to drink this and then I got to be back out there. I'll be at the station most of the day."

"Hey?" I looked up. "Can you call me if you've heard anything? I mean anything?"

"Sure will." Charlie said putting his empty coffee cup down. "Do you think them 'guardians' up in La Push would mind getting involved, you know helping with the search or do you think that there boundaries extend only as far as La Push."

"Dunno. I'd give Billy a call."

Charlie got up and lifted the phone receiver. It wasn't long before the pack had coordinated a search for the girl. They maybe jerks but they can really come through in a pinch, I thought to myself.

************************************************

School passed all week without much ado. There had been a lot of buzz around the school about the missing girl. There weren't many kidnappings in Forks. I could tell that this crime had really rattled some cages. I was personally affected but to tell the truth local crime was a common occurrence in Phoenix. Each night Charlie came home with the same beaten look on his face. Charlie was investing all that he had available searching for this girl. I was sure that there were nights that he wasn't coming home for much more than a meal and a change of clothes.

Jacob came by several times to hang out. The first night, he shuffled his feet under the table and watched me do my homework. I had decided after having to catch up last time that I wouldn't fall behind again this close to the end of the year especially. Actually I needed more free time to do things around the house for Charlie. Jacob and I had had these quiet times before. This one worried me much less than the ones in the past. I was starting to feel like I was taking Jake for granted, but when I rationalized our relationship, I saw that it was a two way street.

I needed to work things out with him, so that we were at least on good terms. I raced home from work on Friday and threw together some hamburgers to grill. The weather had been remarkable. With all the bizarre things happening to me and warm weather, I was starting to wonder if the tilt of the Earth had changed and no one had noticed. Something was definitely different. I thought of all this while I made the salad and put it back into the fridge to keep cool. Charlie would be by at some point and definitely be hungry so I was sure to have made a plate for him.

Jake arrive just I was flipping the burgers. He walked over coolly and watched me do my work on the grill. It was magnificent how tall he was. A long shadow stretched behind him and mimicked his movements and his gestures. In just a few short months, Jacob had turned from boy to man.

"So, you know that using a grill is different from cooking," he said when he got close enough to converse.

"Huh?"

"Different than cooking. I mean like it's a different skill. I'll give you two years for knowing how to grill." It was like he was reading my mind and interpreting it in his own Jacob kind of way.

"Oh," I said taking notice to his meaning. "What does that make me now, like 25?" I asked him.

"Yeah, abouts," he said shrugging. "Now we're the same age."

"Are we now?" I said smiling up at him and closing the lid to the grill. I needed to get as much age out of this grill as I could. I also needed to eat sometime this century.

"Yeah. I'm about 25 or 26. You haven't noticed?" Jake said stepping back so I could take him all in.

I examined him from the toes of his large feet, up the legs of his jeans and his slim waist. His button up shirt had no sleeves and exhibited his muscular arms. He left the top few buttons of his shirt open so I could see the thickness of his neck. His jaw was square. He had no more boyish roundness to his cheeks. His eyes were deeply brown under the dark line of his eyebrows. Yup. He looked like a man to me. For the first time I could remember in weeks I stepped trying to look casual, to move casually, and tripped over my own feet. Jacob caught me with inexplicable speed. All I could say was "Oh my god!" I was mortified to have surveyed him so long. Now he knew that was how I felt. I had left a vampire who could see inside the thoughts of everyone but me and now had a werewolf who could see right into me without trying. I wondered if there was something Jacob wasn't telling me.

"'Oh my god' is right," he said placing me back on my feet.

I looked down and watched his shadows maneuvers rather then glow with embarrassment right into his face. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

Jacob sat on a stair with his back against the side of the railing. He turned his face until he was looking into mine. "Where have you been this week?" he asked me.

"Here," I said answering him literally before I realized his meaning. "I know. I've been quiet and I've been weird," I admitted.

Jacob's posture straightened and he waited patiently while I thought.

I wondered, should I tell him about my strange feelings? My connection to the girl? I should I tell him about how I thought his pack had been jibing me and obviously didn't like me. I let the silence linger too long again because before I could consider anything else Jacob was on his feet and pacing.

"You're not into me anymore?" he accused quietly.

I barely had a second to react. It seemed like Jake's reactions, no Jake's assumptions were always a second or two ahead of my thinking. "What? No?"

Things escalated quickly. "You know how much I've had to put up with since I've tried to be with you?" he said as he continued to pace. "I've had to defend every decision that I've made since starting up with you."

"Are you making bad decisions?" I asked.

"No," Jake said, his face twisting.

"Then why do you doubt that one?"

"Because of how you treat me. I've been in jail because of you and you can't talk to me sometimes." Jacob's anger manifested in his arms swinging through the air. The punches emphasized his frustration.

"I'm…I'm…I'm sorry," I stammered.

"Yeah, me too." Jacob said shortly. "Did you know that _he_ was the one that caught you that day?"

I shook my head, not understanding his meaning.

"Caught you, snagged you with his claws. Cut you. Clawed you I guess you could say."

"What are you talking about?" I couldn't follow Jacob's train of thought.

"PAUL! He could have killed you! Wanted to kill you and now you have these sweet little conversations by the _waterfalls_ and in the shadows but you won't talk to me."

"You think I'm into Paul?" I said blindsided, flabbergasted, shocked.

"You're into him in some way because you like to spend time with him but you can't say a word to me."

"We hung out one time," I defended. Confused.

"That's all it took for me to know that I was totally all about you. That's all." Jacob's lowered his voice as he recalled that day, or maybe some day when we were children but he was sensitive to the idea that his outburst was happening to that girl right now. I still couldn't talk and Jacob stood there watching me not talk. This silence was heavy in a way that redefined heavy. "He doesn't care about you," is all Jake had to say to break the standoff. "The things he says," Jacob said before finally quitting the issue.

"How did you know about the waterfalls?" I asked, realizing that I hadn't told Jacob and if Paul didn't like me so much I couldn't imagine him bragging it around.

"I was asleep in my room when you answer the door."

"…he said you were on patrol…" I whispered.

"See."

"Why didn't you come out of your room and be like, 'Bella, here I am?' I was there to see you?"

"I wanted to see what you would do."

"Like a test?" Now I was getting mad.

He nodded.

"Now how exactly does one fail this test?"

"Its not like that. I was testing him but see what you'd do…"

"No. You come to my house. You yell at me all the time. You make accusations…which are unfounded. Have you ever considered how you treat me?" Jacob didn't answer. His opportunity was interrupted by the sound of grease falling into the flames of the grill. "Get out."

"Bells, please?"

"Leave. Please leave Jacob. I can't talk to you anymore right now. You have to go."

Without another word he was a cloud of dust driving down the road. I watched him drive away and I noticed that he never turned to look back. If I ever had a hold on Jacob, if I ever enticed him in anyway, all of those qualities which he had seen on the surface were sinking away. He looked like a man sure enough, but his emotions were lagging behind. There had been several circumstances in my life where I had been privy to a fight or an argument where both parties could walk away knowing that they had both done things right and wrong. This was the first time in my life; the very first time ever, that I knew that I had done absolutely nothing wrong. If I couldn't please Jacob by being myself, I couldn't please him and could accept it. I could only be an amalgam of the girl he met that day that he decided that he cared for me. I was only pieces of that girl left. He needed to let go of part of her and start to recognize me.


	23. Chapter 23

Sorry its taken me so long to post. I've been really busy doing not much of anything. I've been reading this really great series by Charlaine Harris, The Sookie Stackhouse novels and they are so much fun that I recommend them to all of my Twilight friends and well anyone I know who's read that series. I've been slacking in my writing. Sorry. I would love to say that I'm going to make it up to you, but the Sookie books have 8 novels in the series. Anyone who loves to read would understand. Well I hope you like this next chapter in the Bella saga. I hope everyone gets what I'm trying to establish here. I won't come right out and say it but I will say that Bella has realized that no matter how much control she tries to exert you can't take back the control you've given to others. Well enjoy your romp in this fake Twlight world and have a great Halloween. Cheers, B

Chapter 23 Adopted

I collapsed onto the stair which Jacob had been sitting on as he, just moments ago, waited for and watched for my reaction. The tears came as surely as it would rain again in Forks. I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt and hugged my legs pressed up against my chest. I locked my fingers together and rested my face against my knees. The noise of the woods had quieted. The trees did not shake, no birds sang on this sunny day, no insects buzzed. Like my thoughts were falling into line, I saw a blur. "Who's there?" I said sitting up. My attention grabbed but a blurry twinkling light. It had been my experience that the natural world only quieted in deference of one being. Jacob would have called them unnatural as thought they were made from plastic or styrofoam. I disagreed, deciding that they couldn't change who they were just as I couldn't change the hurt inside of me for Jacob. Suddenly the blur became several pieces all put together. A person. Edward. He walked out of the shadow of the woods carefully, not to be in view from the street. His skin shined with the many facets of reflected light that I had seen only a handful of times before.

"I could hear you crying," he said.

"What's new?" I wiped my eyes on my sleeve again and committed to gaining my composure.

"Would you like to talk?" Edward asked as the grease from the grill tempered up again.

"Meet me in my room…" is all I had time to saw before he was a blur yet again. I removed the burgers from the grill and then replaced the cover. I covered the plate and placed it in the fridge. What was I going to do with eight hamburgers? The drama of the previous few minutes had diminished my appetite. I left a note for Charlie, so he'd construct himself a plate tonight and wouldn't interrupt me. The note said that I was napping.

When I came to my room Edward was standing in the corner; the corner I'd last seen him stand in, in my room. I closed the door and then sat on the bed. Edward's face looked tired for a being that didn't sleep or need it. The dark circles under his eyes, looked darker, if that was possibly. Even his clothes seemed drab, like he didn't care. I felt bad. I'd been avoiding him at school. Vampires were curious creatures. It seemed like once they gave their heart away they couldn't get it back. That was too bad for Edward. It seemed like everyone else in his family had made out okay. I hope for a second that Esme wasn't around to see this. "What's up?" I asked casually.

"A lot. How are you?"

"Just boyfriend problems, as you probably heard. Say, have you been hanging out in Charlie's woods a lot?" I asked, my voice taking on a hint on condescension. I'd have to make a conscious effort not to kick Edward while he was still down.

"Yes and no. It's long story. Less than before, if that's what you want to know," Edward's voice chimed. "We've been wanting to speak with you."

I didn't have a lot of time to analyze what Edward was saying, as it was being said without losing a sense of casualness. The word "we" hovered in the air. Edward was a meaningful speaker. I decided to just ask. "What do you mean, 'we'".

"Us, Carlisle, me, what do you want me to say?" Edward was getting antsy.

"Never mind. What for?"

"There is something going on and I'm not sure if you realize it. That's why I'm here today. I can't exactly ask you about it at school."

"Well, let's have it."

"Alice has been losing you. You know, in her visions." Edward looked pained for a moment. Maybe he was just thinking real hard. His face twisted, his brows furrowed together. If vampires weren't so naturally still I think Edward would have paced a trail in the wooden floor of my room. "Her visions are involuntary. You are still part of our family whether you want to be or not so every once in a while you pop up. We saw you enter the house, the one that was on fire." Edward shook his head. "It took everything in me not to run here and keep you from entering. I couldn't stand to see you get hurt." Edward looked at me with longing. "I stayed home. But please be careful, be smart."

I shook my head. For all of Edward's concern he wasn't exactly getting to the point. I had my own drama to process. Edward's feeling would have to go into my "to be completed pile". "You were saying," I said edging him on. "About Alice's visions."

"Oh, yes. She, three times now, has had vision of you that started when you were sleeping and then suddenly, poof you're gone. Have you got a wolf friend that is sneaking into your room at night?"

"Like you used to?"

"I get it," he said pained. "I ask only because those are the only circumstance in which Alice's visions of you do disappear but now that I'm here, I can smell nothing like what I've smelled before. No one I've met before. I made a cautionary sweep through your room before you got up here."

I wondered for a moment, how I could keep mythical creatures from my room. I'd need to have a secret hideout someday if things continued in this way. I pushed that thought from my mind and was glad again that it was my mind that Edward couldn't read. He stood still watching me. Waiting for me perhaps. I couldn't read his mind as surely as he couldn't read mine. "Is there anything else?" I asked, removing the venom from my voice.

"I guess not," Edward answered without a movement.

He watched me for perhaps 5 seconds, which according to vampires was an infinitesimal amount of time. Time flowed very differently for immortal creatures. Moments like this were irrelevant but Edward didn't budge.

"You know," I'd decided, "you should try to move on," I said in my most gentle voice. I didn't want to be cruel, but it angered me that my unrequited feelings caused him so much pain. You can't live to make everyone happy.

"From you?" he said almost startled and then shook his head. "No. Can't. Wish I could. Really."

He couldn't just want me to feel guilty. He'd told me before that he really only wanted me happy. "Why not?"

"It just doesn't work that way. Remember how I felt when I first met you. When I wanted to drink your blood?"

I nodded.

"It's like that. Only it's an emotional need. Emotional needs are often stronger than physical needs. Sometimes the broken hearted do not eat or connect with their friends because another connection has been severed. People act irrationally to satisfy both needs, don't get me wrong. I master my desire to drink your blood. I will also master this."

"Is that what is happening to you?" I asked ask Edward still stared off into nothing. He was talking to me but couldn't look at me.

"No." he smiled flashing his sharp white teeth. "It's like that, but it's not the same. Just don't be too hard on me if I continue to try and keep you safe," he said leaning toward my window and then he was gone.

**************************************

I was quietly eating cereal at the kitchen table. I seated myself habitually across from Charlie's seat. I wasn't sure if he'd been home at all last night. I didn't hear him come in and I didn't hear him leave. I only knew that he wasn't here. I had already put away my mess from the Barbeque debacle. I thought about Jacob as I lugged the grill and charcoal to the back of the house. I was going to be eating hamburgers for a long time but then I decided before too long if the guys at the station could use a little lunch. There were usually only a couple of officers there and one or two on patrol. It didn't take a lot of man power to keep a small town like Forks safe. I wondered if that would change if they knew about their supernatural neighbors. I pushed the thought out of my mind and packed the lunch together for the boys. I couldn't believe I was thinking this but there were real problems in the world, not just dogs and blood suckers.

Lunch was an overall success. I think that I scored some points with some of Charlie's officers at the station, who not too long ago joked that I was jailbait. As I was leaving the station several members of the pack were coming in. I recognized Embry, Jared and Paul without introduction anywhere. I knew that the pack had been volunteering in Sophie's search. I made sense with their heightened sense of sight and smell. Also I think that the "gang" needed to score some points with the chief of police who thought that their "gang" had somehow implicated me during my brief disappearance. All the same, I didn't have anything to say to them and seeing as they were part of my problem I didn't acknowledge them as I slipped out the door of the station.

The parking lot is where things got emotional. Jake and Sam were talking when I got out there. He must have known I was there because my truck was parked right in front. I figured that he didn't come in because he was avoiding me. They watched me get into my truck and drive off. I had to admit to myself on the drive home that my feelings had been hurt. I cried a little but tried to convince myself that I had something in my eye. I didn't want to shed one more tear. I didn't want boys to make me feel this way. Now I had a boyfriend that I wanted but was avoiding me and another which would give anything to be with me but I could barely stand. Even just thinking of Edward's sullen face made me angry. He looked so downtrodden. He never smiled anymore. He looked paler, if that were possible. His eyes when I had seen him were always a little dark, not the liquid gold that they should be if he were caring for himself properly. The whole thing was beyond my help.

When I got back home the house was quiet. There was a gentle rain falling outside. I nice change from the fat drops that usually fell and ruined everything. Then again it was step backward from the warm sun and blue sky. I settled down at the kitchen table to make a "to do" list for my weekend, especially now that Jacob's bipolar outburst seemed to have cleared my weekend schedule. Again I felt a tinge of sadness from his obvious avoidance of me at the station. I tried to chalk it up to the thought of doing yet, more homework but before I could think much on the subject I was immediately distracted. There was a knock at the door. Somewhere in my mind I thought that it would be Jacob so I took my time getting to the door thinking that I liked my little revenge of letting him stand in the rain. Maybe he felt badly for his behavior, I decided so I thought that he could a use a moment or two more to think on it. As I opened the door and was surprised to see Paul standing there.

"Oh hello!" I said once my eyes had settled onto his face. My voice had been anything but even.

"Hi," he said. "Am I interrupting anything?" he asked politely.

"No," I said unconvincingly, distracted but the loss of Jacob yet again.

"You sure?" he said unconvinced.

"Yes," I said stepping aside. "Come in please. Get out of the rain."

Paul came into the house and I showed him into the living room. "I was just making up a list of things I needed to do," I said trying to sound casual. "I guess I don't transition too well from being in my head to entertaining," I said immediately regretting my stumbled explanation. Paul stayed quiet as we chose our respective seats, he in the chair and mine my usual place on the couch.

"I was just thinking that we left things off on a bad note last time I saw you. And after thinking about it, for a long while now, I decided that I should tell you that it's not your fault." Paul sat still for such a confrontational conversation. It was eerie or rehearsed. I couldn't decide which.

"Okay," was the only authentic reaction I could come up with. "So you thought to come all the way to my home to tell me this?" I said forgetting to pull back the attitude a bit.

"Um, yeah. I know what has been going on with you." Paul smiled brilliantly. His white teeth contrasted with his dark skin. "I've gone through this sort of change too."

"Yeah, but I don't change. I just healed. Now I'm better," I said keeping my voice dry.

"Nothing strange has happened to you, you know, since that day?"

"Nothing."

"No fever or lack of sleep? Night sweats? Strange dreams? Insatiable hunger?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," I smiled.

Paul sat back against the chair. It seemed like my just listening was allowing him to loosen up.

"Well, either way I'm sorry. You know that wolves are pack animals?"

"Yes. I know."

"We, well the pack mentality isn't welcoming to those outside the pack. We know its wrong but it's our nature."

"Okay," I said again. "It's a reason but not an excuse," I chided.

"That's why I'm here Bella. I know that we give you are hard time," Paul's face changed suddenly from very serious, softening. Friendly. "I shouldn't tell you this, because it defeats the whole purpose, but all new members of the pack go through what you're going through now."

"All of them get treated badly and are made a joke at the expense of others in the pack?" I said sarcastically, letting my claws out so to speak.

"Yes. Jacob had a hard time with it too. But Jacob's situation is different from that of anyone else in the pack."

"How?" I figured he brought it up.

"He's the bloodline leader. So he must be tested over and over again until he had the ability to be leader. Sam is the leader in the interim. Jacob doesn't take any of this well but it's the way things have to be. Now that you are the only girl in the pack it's the same thing."

"I'm not in the pack."

"You have our blood. You are a pack member now, whether you like it or not."

"But I'm not a wolf. Not like you or Jacob or anyone." I could in my mind only recollect seeing a member of the pack transformed into their wolfy selves but a handful of times. You could say that it killed me to see them that way but it didn't make me a member of the pack.

"That doesn't matter. Sam says that you are in. The elders say that you are in. Jacob was excited that you are in. You can choose to stay away or you can choose to incorporate but either way you are in."

"Did Jacob ask you to come here?"

"No," Paul said quickly.

"Sam?"

"No. No one. But you don't have elders to guide you. Members of the pack have each other when we begin our transformation. You're on your own. I thought that I could help you."

"I don't need any help. I don't want any of this. I don't want to be part of your 'treat people badly so that they can belong club'."

"I understand why you're angry. I don't blame you. Please just know that I mean to help." Paul stood once he finished speaking. I watched him walk out the door without a word of goodbye. I didn't feel that it was my job to absolve him. He left a letter on the kitchen table, I noticed once I'd gotten up. I opened the door and looked out. There was no trace of him that I could see. There was nothing but a red flash in Charlie's woods that surrounded the house. I closed the door and returned to the kitchen table letter in hand and a list to make.


	24. Chapter 24

Happy Thanksgiving American peeps. All other peeps, good day. My husband had to work tonight so I took the oppurtunity to edit this chapter. I wish it hasn't been taking me so long to get this stuff out. I've been super busy with the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) that happens every November. .org The goal is to write 50,000 words by the end of the month. I hit my goal last weekend! even though all I wanted to do was get back to writing my New Moon fan fic. I saw the New Moon movie last weekend for a ladies night out and was blown away impressed. I wasn't a fan of the Twilight film but New Moon was super cool so if you get a chance...as always reviewing what I write is motivational so bring it on.

edited 11/29/09

Chapter 24 Frenemies

Though I was ultimately frustrated with Paul, Jacob and the pack, and let's not forget my cold one friends, I couldn't resist the mystery of the envelope Paul had left on my kitchen table. I sat down committed to moving onto my list, but the curiosity drew me back and back to the letter. There was something about these wolfy boys…_I love you…I love you not…I love you…_ or in Paul's case, _I kill you…I help you…I kill_. Though he hadn't told me outright to stay away, I could definitely sense that he didn't want me around, even if his words said otherwise. It was enough to stop trusting my own instincts.

I pushed my note pad with my list and it slid across the smooth formica table top. I gave a good solid smack when it hit the floor. Now it was just me and the letter, the envelope. Its contents were strangely bumping I could feel without ripping open the white paper. The paper crinkled. This was like uncomfortable Christmas, not knowing what's inside, not knowing if I was going to be disappointed. My will broken I slid my finger under the loose paper of the opening. The tear was satisfying. Inside, a thin leather strap, the width of two of my fingers, about a foot in length. The leather on one side was completely smooth, brown. On the opposite side, the leather was fawn colored and soft. The item was a peculiar, but now unfamiliar to me. I had seen Jacob had something similar to this. Something he had dedicated to me. I instantly felt an inkling of guilt not wanting to return the favor. Tucked behind the thong of leather was a note neatly folded and neatly written. The paper had no lines but the messages uniform written in 4 perfect rows. It said,

"I know what you are.

You must accept that

One of us

Or one of them."

An ultimatum. Them? Human? Were the wolf boys human? Strange that I couldn't answer that question. Given the opportunity to ask one of the supposed "guardians" they would have undoubtedly called themselves humans. Of coarse when I took human anatomy it never said anything about wolf snouts, paws, fur, et cetera. I though he must be referring to them, Them cold ones. Vamps and wolves mixed like oil and water set on fire. I couldn't at the time think of a more dangerous compound to compare them to and reminded myself to stop slighting my chemistry.

I put the leather thong into my pocket, then tucked the cleanly written note into my top drawer. When I turned the ignition key to my truck my curiosity was not more resolved then the first time I notice the envelope sitting assumingly on the kitchen table.

I had decided on doing some much needed grocery shopping. Free weekend didn't mean free time. I strolled through the grocery mart in town and picked up a chicken, fresh carrots, herbs and bakery made biscuits for dinner. I waited in the check-out line patiently, doing what all shoppers pretend not to do. I examined the magazine rack and the impulse buy display of magazines, candy and cheap children's toys. When I'd finished contemplating those items I began to notice the woman in front of me in line. She looked as though this could be the worst day of her life. Her hair was unclean and matted, long and dark, like mine but a furious mess. Her clothes were wrinkled, I'd noticed, until I looked down at my typical casual wear and thought, _who am I to judge_? When it came time for the woman in front of me to take her turn with the cashier I began to recognize the young woman. She said nothing to the cashier but "thank you" which well, had been the only works I could recall her say. At the time the response had been heartfelt, not automatic.

As she walked away, I abandoned my items with the cashier and darted off quickly, communicating a quick, "hold on," as I made a dash for Sophie's mom.

"Hey! Wait!" was all I said. She didn't turn around.

She only said, "Oh, did I forget something?" her voice monotonous as she turned to face me. Our eyes met and immediately I could tell she was holding back tears. "Its you," she said.

"I'm…I'm. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. About Sophie."

"You and your father have done so much for me already. You don't owe me an apology."

"But still," I replied exasperatedly still catching my breath. I wasn't sure what I was meant to say. What needed to be said? I felt awkward and pitiful. "Is there anything I can do?" I asked.

"Everyone's doing all that that they can," she said making an obvious dodge of a lengthy conversation.

"Just let me know if there is," I said meaningfully.

She walked away without another word and I turned back to the irritable and impatient cashier to cash out my groceries. By the time I was out in the parking lot the woman, a woman whose name, I didn't ever know, was long gone, but I could feel and allowed her pain to course through my veins. To feel such compassion and to have done virtually nothing but think good hopeful thoughts… I drove home to deliver my groceries and of coarse there was a familiar shadow cast at my door. I needed to try, again, to put everything aside with Jake, everything emotional anyway and decided to start anew. Our problems were moot compared to those of others. I felt motivated.

"Jake, I need your help," is all I said. His stone cold stare didn't change but he did lift the groceries from my arms so I could unlock the front door.

"How?"

"I need to start snooping around about Sophie. This missing little girl. I'd like you to come with me," I said finally opening the door. Jacob carried the paper grocery bags into the kitchen and planted them on the table. I put all the nonperishable on the counter. Only the chicken did I pack away into the refrigerator.

"We've been searching," Jacob said.

"Have you found anything?" I asked.

Jacob shook his head. "No."

Searching is all fine and good but I think there might be something else going on."

"That's why I'm here. Not about the girl but something weird."

"Oh yeah," I said exchanging my light coat for a more durable raincoat. "What's up?"

"I don't know how to say this with out you getting mad," Jacob looked at his shoes. "I need you to stay away from Paul."

"Paul? Why?"

"Dunno, just got a feeling."

"And I know just how reliable your feelings have been recently," I chided sarcastically.

"I'm not here because I'm jealous," he said defensively.

"Okay then what is it your feelings are telling you?"

"Paul is bad news. I'm not sure how or why, but it's a feeling I have. There's just a bunch of stuff. Stuff that makes me think he might not be safe. This isn't just about you Bells. I feel this way about the pack, but he's been here longer than me. He's one of us. But for some reason I don't think he is."

"Paul's always been decent to me?" I said without thinking and then I cleared my throat, to make the correction as Jacob stared me down raising one eyebrow. He knew as well as I did that Paul hasn't always been my number one fan. "Well, recently."

"As a favor? Please?" his eyes stared darkly into me.

"I don't owe you any favors Jacob," I said. "I can't make you promises…" I had contemplated the level of difficulty with which I would lay down this next statement. Again how we felt about each other was in some sort of gray area and if he was sure that he had any feelings for me then I could say point positive that we certainly didn't treat each other like we harbored any special feelings. Gray area. I decided honesty may clear the fog. "I don't have any feelings for Paul. He's not my friend. I'm not attracted to him." Jacob started to interrupt but I quieted him, "Let me finish. I've barely spent any time with him at all," I explained as we walked outside together. The clouds must have been low because a mist was swirling around us. There was a natural tie binding us together. I didn't want him to leave me at this moment but there was important work ahead. The only way I could have both was if I could get Jake to come along. Jacob's face was set when he listened to me speaking. He was a good listener. He was my Sun. It was nice to have reached a point were we could both listen to each other.

Jacob's patience broke, "I don't trust him. Not just with you but…"

"There's something else. Something you aren't saying."

"If there is, it's not intentional. All I know is his smell. Its off." He said wrinkling his nose with the memory of Paul's scent. "I dunno," he continued. "I haven't been around that long, but he seems to smell different from the others. From me. It just makes me nervous," he said shuttering just then, but not wanting me to notice.

I thought for a moment, not knowing how to respond. I watched him silently thinking. I didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep but I wasn't ready to doubt what my good friend was saying to me either. Jacob was more important to me than Paul.

"You know," I said. "I've never sought out Paul's company. He always just shows up."

"I know." We stared into each other's faces letting the mist swirl around us collecting tiny droplets of dew in our hair. "There isn't anything I can do about that right now, but soon, I hope." Jacob turned away from me just then and opened the driver's side door of my truck. I climbed in and before I had my belt buckled, there he was sitting right next to me. We were both soggy but someone it suited Jacob. Jacob was as much part of the elements as he was part of his land.

"What did you mean, just then, soon you'll be able to do something about Paul coming around?"

"I mean, look at me. I'm a member of a pack, the biggest member. We function for the good of the pack, but there has to be someone who knows what is good for the pack. Sam was never supposed to be that person," Jacob trailed off his speech to allow me time to ask the important questions.

"Who was?" I asked.

Jake answered with a coy smile.

"You?"

"Well don't act so surprised," he said defensively.

"I'm not," I laughed, "Um" I turned the key in the ignition. "I thought Sam was the leader."

"His is. He's been very helpful. He was here to show us all the way but I think I've found my way, Bella and when I'm alpha I can force some answers out of Paul."

I listened carefully as I pulled out onto the street. "Can you do that? Force him to tell you things? Are you going to force him out of the pack?"

"I would have forced him out of the pack when he attacked you Bells."

At this point the tension running though Jake's body made every one of his hairs stand up on end. "I would never have let him back in. The reason we exist is for the safety of humans."

In the back of my mind the human question from earlier ran through my head one more time. I wasn't going to push it. I kept my mouth shut and continued listening.

"Paul broke that tenet but he was forgiven…"

"Because he gave me his blood…" I finished.

"Yes."

"And now I'm all better."

"Sort of. We're all still waiting to see what happens."

"What do you mean, 'see what happens'?"

"It's like this, Bella. Vampires move into the neighborhood and the pack forms. We have a treaty with the Cullens. We stay on our side of the line and they on theirs. The Cullens left, but somehow when they returned, the pack continued to reform."

"What about when the Cullens were here before. Where was the pack then?"

"The gene hadn't _activated_ so to speak I guess because the Cullens kept their end of the bargain…"

"They stayed on their side of the line…"

"Exactly."

"So someone's crossing the line?"

"Not sure. Sam turned about the same time you started dating the bloodsuck…ah a Cullen. Some of us think that may have instinctively activated the gene. To tell the truth, I don't know. I don't have an issue with the Cullens as long as they stay out of La Push and," he lowered his voice, "away from you."

"I'm not staying away from the Cullens. They're my friends."

"I'm not asking you to, to be honest. I don't think it'll be too long before you make that choice for yourself. I don't think you can have both Bella. I don't think you'll have a choice anymore."

"What like the blood has made me think like you do?"

"It's possible."

"Possible how? Who says?"

"It's happened before."

_Jeanne_. "Jacob. Did Jeanne turn into a werewolf?"

"Yes."

"What if I don't want that? I never got a choice."

"You'd have rather died. I didn't get a choice either, Bella."

I pulled to the side of the road. "This is a little too much right now," I said, my voice becoming watery. "You don't know. Maybe, Jeanne's history is just a story. Even old stories don't mean that they're real stories," I said not even sure if my question was making sense.

Jacob slid across the bench of the truck. He wrapped his long arms around me. I could feel the heat of him, his shirt, his skin, collecting my tears. He was a sponge to my little pains. I loved having him close, for more then just comfort. I loved him. When I hugged Jacob back his muscles tensed, flexed underneath my hands. I pulled away from him, drying my eyes on my sleeve. "Has anything about me changed?" I asked fishing for empirical proof.

"Physically not so much, from what I can tell, but I've never really been allowed a close inspection," Jacob laughed. Jake making light of that moment would have irritated me irrevocably any other time but his quip was well timed and made me smile. I punched his arm and he played back, rubbing the spot where I'd hit him. "I take it back," he said, "you're much stronger."

"Seriously?"

"Your attitude is different. I don't know if it was your brush with death or the treatment, so to speak, but you've been different. You smell different. Still good but different, and no, I haven't noticed the same changes that any of the guys had. That I had. I guess that would be expected though. You are kind of a hybrid and a girl."

"I thought that you said I was 25?" I joked.

"Fine. You are a hybrid woman werewolf."

My eyes watered again, but before I could make much of the rush I wiped and looked ahead at the road. I had gotten out of town, I'd noticed. This often happen with Jacob and me. We would climb into the truck and not know where it was going to take us.

"I don't know if I can do this," I admitted.

"I'll help you, every step," Jacob said confidently.

"Well I need something else to think about now," I said, letting my mind wander back to the still missing Sophie. "Let's start looking for that girl."

I climbed out of the cab of the truck. Jake confirmed that this wasn't a site that his pack had searched as far as he knew. "Only a few members of the pack were spared to search for the girl. We couldn't look anywhere up by the Cullen's place. The big vamp,"

"Emmett," I corrected stepping into the woods.

"Yeah, the bid one said that they'd been keeping an eye out."

It was good to know that the Cullens were also doing their civic duty, regardless of who in the human world knew it or not.

"Sam, Paul Embry and I have been working in pairs scanning the woods. We weren't able to stray too out of the area. It's a shame that I don't trust Paul because he's the one you should really consult with regarding searching the woods. To my knowledge he's been part of every search he could be spared for. He even voluntarily searched with the sheriff's office without other pack members."

"He's been out with my dad?"

"Yeah, he seemed very motivated. It's the only good thing I've ever seen him do since he moved back to La Push with his mom. Even when he was in school, I hear. I always stayed away from him. It wasn't that I didn't like him then or anything. He's a lot older than me. I kept my mouth shut about him all the time, not like how we talked about Leigh."

I remembered several stories Jake had related to me about Leigh Clearwater. She seemed to put up with a lot from her peers. Part of me pitied her. "Well, if you don't want me talking to Paul, do you think that you could maybe? I really feel like I haven't done anything to help and I have a sort of connection to this girl."

I explained to Jake about the night of the fire. How I could smell the smoke and I helped get the small family out of the house before anyone was hurt. I was shocked to have learned that after all that trauma the girl had been taken from her home.

"I'll talk to him," was all that Jake said.


	25. Chapter 25

*I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to get this next chapter to you. I recently find out that I am sick. Now bad things happen very quickly and the things that I did for enjoyment now zap my energy. I will try to keep up. Please have patience, especially for this chapter. I was so excited to publish asap, that I haven't done much editing or proofing. Overall I hope you enjoy. I'm hanging in there so I hope to have another chapter written soon. Thanks for the messages from people begging for a new chapter. It's nice to have loyal readers. Please please let me know what you think.

Chapter 35 He said, She said

Jacob and I walked miles into the woods. I managed to stay on my feet the whole time, so surprisingly that even Jacob took noticed. It was nice to spend time with my friend again. It wasn't exactly like old times. It was barely different though. There was a fissure of a distance between, something that hadn't been there before. All joking and laughing aside we were on our best behavior which kept us from getting to questions that needed to be asked, answers that needed to be heard. We found nothing in the woods that day. Jacob promised he'd discuss the previous searches with Paul so I wouldn't have to speak to him.

I still felt the lump in my pocket. The leather thong given to me by Paul that accompanied the ultimatum he felt necessary. I thought not much of it and left it atop my bureau when I was changing into my pj's that night. Jacob needed the tool to keep his clothing near. When the wolves transformed their clothes were often shredded. Jacob complained that he'd taken to shopping at consignment stores to save on cost but that they didn't have much of a big and tall section which was necessary to dress his build. I crawled into bed feeling completely and utterly warm. I'd never felt so satisfied to lie between the sheets of my bed. It was not long before my eyes became heavy, before I slept.

_My dream was truly bizarre. I could hear breathing, panting. I was making tracks through the woods, my feet pounding into the soft ground…thud…thud… thud... thud. Every turn of my head offered up a new scent, firs to my left and pines to my right, maple somewhere in the distance. Then there was a sickeningly sweet smell ahead of me. So sweet I couldn't proceed. My feet dug into the ground and I slid to a halt, red eyes staring back at me, watching me in all of my aloneness._

I'd had an interesting shift at Newton's on Sunday. They were only open a half day and Mike and I alone, shared the shift when it was our turn to work a weekend. Mike had been typically fun, telling stories of colleges that he'd visited. He asked if it were appropriate to joke to a college interviewer that his number one draw to a school was how many hot girls he could count in the quad. I shirked unassumingly, trying to smile but couldn't hide the fact that his sense of humor wasn't something that everyone could relate too. "They'd been to college too," he argued. I admitted that the interviewer and Mike did have that in common but refused to confer that they'd agree that picking a college was a light decision not to be simplified by the young attractive attendees. "I'm just going to go to Washington State anyway. It's my parents who want me to look around."

"Even they're trying to put some distance between you and them. Maybe you should not be yourself during your interviews," I joked.

Mike, despite the fact that he still needed to close up, walked me outside like a gentleman before he set the alarm. I told him that I would see him tomorrow and started toward my truck.

"Hi Bella!" said a very familiar high pitched sing songy voice. Alice leaned casually against my truck and despite the wet and chilled weather she wore not much more than I would on a warm summer day, if they had those here in Forks.

"Hey Alice. What's up?"

"Brother says that you haven't wanted his company so he's decided to stay away. I guess I've been designated honorary Cullen messenger." Alice didn't seem to mind her new title and actually seemed to enjoy it. Her grin was striking.

I walked toward Alice who was still leaning, not caring in the slightest that she was getting wet from the beads of rain that had collected on the Chevy. "So let's have it."

"Oh, I can't tell you here. Can I get a ride home?" I looked around the parking lot of Newton's and didn't notice Edward's Volvo or Carlisle's Mercedes. "I walked," Alice said with a wink of her eye.

"Sure." I said as I departed Mike's side.

We climbed into the ancient truck. I blasted the heat to defog the windows. I must have been putting off a lot of heat, because I knew it wasn't Alice. "So, what is it that you needed to talk to me about?" _That Edward couldn't…_

"I have made a discovery," Alice said like a song, chipper with a hint of warning. "I don't know if you are going to like it."

"Well let's hear it and get it over with."

"From the appalling scent of you truck, not that it ever smell spectacular, I can tell you've been associating with the wolves again."

I nodded. Just one particular wolf really but I didn't want to open up the opportunity to be lectured on how reckless that was because of last time, blah blah blah…A confirmation was all that was necessary.

"I learned when you were staying at our house that I couldn't have visions when you were in certain company," she said as though we might be overheard.

"Okay."

"Well, lately I've been losing lots of visions of you. I lost you before and after the grocery store yesterday. I lost you at some point during the night too though. Edward is about to lose his mind."

"Edward? Why?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's because it's all he has left of you, what I tell him, what he sees while keeping watch in your woods."

"I've never asked him-". I wasn't really surprised. It made me sad to know that I was hurting him.

"I know. I've told him. Carlisle has told him. Our creatures are much more committed in some ways, less fickle than you humans."

I couldn't deny that James was so committed to hunt and kill me that he tried despite the small army of vamps I had in my corner. Committed like Victoria to seek out her revenge. Apparently vamps were committed lovers as well as fighters: Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Commitment was a way of life for these beings that wasn't part of me. Maybe I got it from Renee.

"Don't remind me," I said turning onto the long dirt road to the Cullen house.

"I just came to say that something, um, someone of the wolf persuasion is coming close to you when you sleep, I'm guessing that you're sleeping because that is always where the visions stop."

"I understand."

"That doesn't worry you?" Alice asked surprised.

"Not really. There are a lot of eyes on me at the moment. I think that if there were something to be worried about I'd know by now."

"Has your wolf boyfriend mentioned anything to you? Does he spend the night?"

"He's not my boyfriend, and I can't see how that's really any of your business," I sputtered defensively.

"Bella, it's me, Alice. I don't care if you're in the doghouse…um you know. It's not my prerogative," Alice giggled. "Your friendship is," she followed becoming more serious.

"I know. I'm sorry," I said dryly, apologizing for my irratablity but not for my privacy.

"Well come inside won't you. Emmett hasn't even seen you and Rosalie only came back briefly but then went away again. I don't think she'll be coming back anytime soon which is a really long time for you human folks."

Alice explained that Rosalie was on the outs with Edward for becoming involved with me in the first place. Apparently the hostility that I'd sensed from her merely breached the surface of the feelings she really harbored for me. She felt that the Cullens were investing much too much time in waiting to see how all of this panned out. Everyone, according to Alice had their own motivation. Edward was of course in love with me, and Alice also but only platonically. Carlisle was interested in the science of the thing. He came back for Edward but has stuck around to see how the wolf blood treatment pans out. Emmett, well, Alice wasn't exactly clear on why Emmett was sticking around, she said something about him taking a break from Rosalie and hoping to fight some big prey. I hoped with all my heart he didn't intend on taking on anyone in the pack.

I decided that coming in would curb some of my curiosity as well. Not to mention my time with Alice had frequently been taken up with other matters, I thought that a short visit might now be a bad idea.

There home, was as usually immaculate. Esme, who had not been able to return home because of an obligation she's needed to fulfill somewhere in the world, but sent her love, Alice assured me, had gone to great pains to decorate the Cullen modern mansion. The house seemed organic, as though it was merely a part of the forested backdrop. It was an older home renovated with some modern techniques. The Cullens were anything but behind on their knowledge of technology. They also had an extensive breadth of knowledge of the arts, contemporary and otherwise. The house was like a livable museum. Cold. Untouchable. I was surprised the first time I came here, not to find tiny placards everywhere with dates, artists and style near ever work hung on the walls. Even the furniture in some rooms was sterile.

We sat in the living room. All of the furniture had been unwrapped, sure enough and placed precisely where Esme had intended it. Edward's piano was a show piece in the living room, I could tell. The only surface of the room that had acquired any dust at all was the Broadwood grand that stood on its pedestal near the large sun lit windows. It was a metaphor for Edward himself. The appearance of the thing made me sad but I couldn't look away from it.

While I stared into the light reflecting from the beautiful black instrument, the Cullen family watched me. Their pleasantries abounding, I nodded and gave brief and when possibly one word answers. Despite feeling previously agreeable to a visit any pleasantry from them to me felt forced.

Emmett, as always, seemed confused. After all being a vampire didn't necessary make anyone smart. It was the infinite amount of time that a vampire had that contributed to their intelligence, if they themselves felt that was something to build on. Alice watched me, perturbed with my behavior, I as sure and Carlisle was in his typical state of, all knowing. Edward was not there to receive me. I found myself sad that I hadn't seen Edward that day though I had to be careful about the attention that I paid to him. I had not voluntaryily spent any time with him since he had returned. I couldn't have him get the wrong idea, and despite the problems that I had had with Jacob, I did think that I loved him. Edward was in a weird place for me. I place that only my heart could touch. I couldn't give him anything else. It is was love that I felt then it was love that I'd give but now that I felt sympathy it was sympathy that I'd give. I had wanted to become a creature like him, an immortal. I had told him that it was the only gift I wanted for my last birthday but there was something inside Edward that could not grant me that wish. If only he had changed me when I asked he would no longer be sad and this family, the Cullen Family, would be my family as well. Edward and I would be together now. An underlying force inside of me dreaded that the possibility existed. Another part of me felt that it would have been wonderful to be with Edward now. Despite how fickle humans maybe, it had not been my decisions which had set out the course to this path. It seemed unnatural to me not to have a change of heart. Was it possible that unconditional love was actually a condition?

I stood to excuse myself and as I did Edward enter the house. Though he can't read my mind, he must have seen my truck parked outside. He knew that I was here and despite that, his face was fallen. Maybe he is not so much as sad to see me now, as it is that he looks this way all the time. Again a twinge of guilt stabbed me because I had turned this lovely creature into one of despair. I rolled my eyes for giving myself so much credit. Edward's head turned toward me. His eyes wide, he looked into my face and my nervousness at seeing him must have been apparent because he physically took a step back. "Bella," he said. "Might I have a private audience with you?" He was not so much as speaking to me, as he was to his family, who immediately responded by taking their leave of the sitting room. Vampires disperse quickly. "Are you afraid of my Bella?" Edward asked.

"No," I said with a watery voice. "I'm not scared…I'm…" I didn't finish sitting back into my chair. "You have something to say to me Edward?"

"A few things, actually." He walked toward me, taking a seat opposite my own.

"Alice told me about the vision skipping thing," I advised him.

"Yes there is that, but there is also something else."

"Its about Rosalie."

"Rosalie?" _What do I care about Rosalie?_

"She's taken herself on an adventure and she's causing some problems. She's not thinking straight. To be honest Bells the rest of the family didn't want to let you in on this. The left the decision up to me, but seeing you here today makes me think that you can handle it. You said that you didn't want me being so protective of you before right?" Edward said as though his conciousness was flowing all of his thoughts into one diluted sentence. "Rosalie has gone to tell the Valteri about you. About what we did to help you and what you are now."

My thoughts were reeling as though everyone in the world knew this great big secret about me that I was not privy to. "What am I?" seemed to be the most important question that I could ask.

Edward looked deep into my eyes as though, I thought to myself, preparing to give very bad news, until I remember that Edward always looked this way. "I don't know," was his answer.

"Then how do you know that I'm anything different?"

"There are several signs that are telltale to a werewolf. I cannot see them in you, but I was sure that is what would happen if you were treated. Carlisle was less sure, and it was his thinking that made it possible for me to allow the transfusion to go through. I never want to lose you Bella. I have also been the strongest perponent to changing you into a monster. Rosalie thinks that you must be a wolf now. She refuses to listen to any reason. It was one thing for me to love you when you were human. Rosalie sees that as weak and petty, but to love you if you are a werewolf, which Rosalie believes you now are is utterly repulsive to her. She refuses to tolerate any association with you. Vampires and werewolves may be monsters in kind, but we are natural enemies."

"I'm not a werewolf," I whispered. "Everyone seems to be waiting for this transformation to take place. Nothing's happened. I'm still me," I said standing to display my sameness.

"There are some changes," Edward said looking down into the carpet. "You smell very different. You smell like one of them."

"I hang out with _them_ as you put it, all the time," I scolded.

"And your temper," Edward addressed keenly enjoying the perfectness of his timing.

"I've always been firey," I said nearly joking.

"Yes, but you've been very well mediated until recently. Now it seems like anything that pops into your head you have to say, good, bad or otherwise. You have no filter, so you have no patience."

I thought long and hard about Edward was saying. I didn't want to say he was wrong because I hadn't taken the time to do a good self examination recently. Also, I remembered Jacob's short fuse once the change had started for him. Edward was right about my temper. He wasn't necessarily right about the cause. "I'll have to think about this Edward. What happens with Rosalie? What is she trying to do?"

"We're monitoring her through Alice. All I know-"

"May I interrupt?" Alice chimed from just outside the room.

It is hard to have a private conversation without Alice, I supposed as she took her place with me and Edward. She took my hand and sat me back down into the chair. Edward relaxed once I was sitting again. Alice sat on the stool adjacent to me. She leaned in as though what we would discuss would be a secret. "All I know is that Rosalie is on a plane. I didn't catch what flight she got onto, and seriously any flight connecting from Seattle could be going anywhere. She maybe, and this is what I think, just making a show of her disapproval, with her leaving. Esme has been staying in Seattle in case I can figure out where Rosalie is going. Esme wants to go after her."

I so wished I could see Esme. Her personality oozed compassion that I was desprately in need of now. That would have to wait until after Rosalie's adventure I figured. Esme always puts her family first. The word, _family,_ stung my brain momentarily.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 Anxious

Anxiety is strange. It's like an illness because it can be debilitating but just when you think that you're over it, then bam, anxiety attack. My feelings were haywire. I couldn't sit for long so I was always moving about and doing chores. Picking up everywhere gave me a feeling that I was accomplishing something, to mask my true feelings and overall destructive distractions that I couldn't seem to shake. Trying to concentrate on my homework was near impossible. I asked for an extension on my chemistry homework. I've never needed an extension before. I thought that when Edward left my depression put me into a sort of autopilot. Now it was like my navigation system was on the fritz because I couldn't sit long enough to do anything normally. When I did I would just be on my feet again within moments. I was waiting for something to happen. What, I didn't know.

I was barely seeing Charlie on a day to day basis because he was working so late. He'd even coordinated working with other local agencies to delegate some of the work. There were no leads and no trail and still a small town with minor crimes that had to be managed as well as the hunt for missing little Sophie.

Charlie came home late as usual one night. Before he'd had time to kick off his boots I was in the kitchen microwaving some tuna casserole I'd saved him for dinner. I'd coordinated this response hours ago as I paced anxiously through the house, waiting to find a way to be of some sort of use.

Charlie sat at the table and perused the local paper. Unsatisfied he folded it neatly and put it down again. "You know Bella. Those La Push boys have really been helping down at the station."

"I've heard," I said, my voice cracking from lack of use since last period at school, hours ago.

"How do you feel about that Paul," Charlie asked half heartedly. If Charlie was trying to act casual, he'd finally pulled it off, but this was not a tasteful time to be setting me up on dates.

"Why?" I said with a grimace.

Charlie shook his head. "He's had a lot of questions about you lately that's all. I don't know what he means by it. He's volunteering down at the station a lot."

"Yeah Jake had told me. About the pack- um Quileute boys," I said clearing my throat, "helping out at the station." _Smooth Bella, real smooth._

"I think you might want to watch out for him. It maybe just a crush sort thing, but something about him makes me uncomfortable when it comes to you. He's a first rate tracker if you ask me, a real strong young man. He found a cabin out past La Push today near this little stream and I think that it maybe a lead. You can't tell anyone else what I'm going to tell you Bella. You really can't," Charlie said looking even more tired and more serious, if that were possible. "I know that you've been worried but if this cabin is the lead that we've been looking for then I don't think that it can bode too well for that little girl." Charlie ran and hand through his hair and then stood with the plate of food. "Thanks for the dinner Bells, but I'm just not hungry," he said as he put the plate back in the refrigerator.

"Charlie, wait," I said nervous and excited. "What do you mean, 'not bode well'? What do you think has happened?"

"Bella, I don't know. I haven't seen this place, but if Sophie was taken and taken to this place I have a real bad feeling. I shouldn't be telling you this. Sometimes I need someone to talk to too though." Charlie shook his head. I could tell, he was just exhausted and had let his guard down. Now he was ashamed of himself.

"I understand," I assured him, "but if you haven't been there, how is it that you know about it?"

"Paul found it today and reported it back to me earlier. I'm just stopping at home before I meet back up at the station. I thought that I might be able to get something to eat but well you know I just don't feel like eating. Bella," Charlie said putting his hand on my cheek, crushing my hair to the outline of my face, "I'm so glad to have you here with me. I know why you came here and I know it wasn't a decision that you wanted to make but regardless I'm glad that things worked out this way. You and I are very similar, more similar then you might think, but you're smarter than me. I love you Bells. I'm proud of you," he released my face and went into the living room to tinker with the lock on his gun cabinet. He pulled a shotgun from the case.

"What do you need the major fire power for?"

"Paul says there's a lot of wolf tracks in the area," he said exasperated. "Bella, I think that you should prepare yourself, but tell no one what I've told you tonight. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything at all, but I can't take it back now."

I looked down with worry. _Wolf tracks? What's Paul trying to do?_

"I'll be home late tonight Bella. Don't wait up."

"I won't," I said in a zombie-like trance. "Be safe dad."

Charlie was gone. _Wolf tracks? _Without another thought I was at the phone and dialing Jake's number. I could still hear Charlie's cruiser pulling out of the yard.

"Bella, Jake's not here."

"Oh, hey Billy. Got caller id?"

"Yup, figured I deserved a little something special."

"Well it's nice when you can go all out like that for yourself", I said quickly. "Hey Billy, do you know where Jake went?"

"He's got patrol tonight. That's all I know."

"Thanks Billy. Talk to you later," I said hanging up.

I was at a loss. I wanted to get out to that cabin. Why would Paul be worried about wolf tracks? He wouldn't be able to explain any of the tracks that he or the pack has left behind. They're way too big. I didn't exactly have a lot of experience hanging out with the pack in wolf form but proportionately speaking this pack of wolves contained huge wolves and their tracks reflected their size no doubt. Anxiety started closing my throat. Jacob's on patrol. Since the Cullens had come back, the pack could only patrol near La Push. We were east of La Push and the cabin is north. I dashed outside into the spring air, which was momentarily sobering. Charlie was long gone.

I took a deep breathe and before I knew it, I was yelling, "I KNOW YOU"RE OUT THERE EDWARD! I NEED YOU! COME OUT! COME OUT NOW!"

In a flash he was at my side, the foliage still only barely responding to the brush of air that had blown past so fast that all it could do in recognition is wave back and forth in mystery.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked in his soft velvet voice.

"Charlie's in trouble or Jacob. I don't know which. Something's wrong," I said frantic. My words were running together and I didn't know if I was making sense.

Edward just watched me. His face pained. "I don't know if I can help you with a Jacob problem."

"What about Charlie and that little girl that was kidnapped? Something is wrong," I pleaded explaining in detail everything that Charlie had told me about the cabin.

"We don't even know where this place is, Bella."

"Wolf tracks, Edward, wolf tracks. Why would a werewolf warn someone about wolf tracks?"

"Because a werewolf leaves tracks?" Edward reasoned slowly forming his words.

"Duh! But doesn't it seem less like he's trying to explain away something and more like he wanted Charlie to come to this cabin north of La Push…near a stream that I've been to…" I said trailing off in thought.

"If you've been there, what do you need my help for?" Edward asked.

"I don't know if I can get back there on my own. Can you help me track it down? Please, Edward? Something important is about to happen. I need your help."

"I can't go into La Push Bella…"

"You don't have to right? This place is north of La Push."

"How are you going to find it, in the dark nonetheless?"

"I feel good about this. Like I can do this."

"Then what do you need me for?"

"Maybe I just want you there."

"I thought you didn't need protection anymore," Edward said snidely, turning away from me.

"Yeah, if you thought that was true, you wouldn't be hanging out in my backyard in the middle of the night."

Edward's lips curled around his teeth. "Have you have ever considered law school?" he joked with a smile.

I smiled back at him.

"Fine, but we're taking my car and I'm driving," he declared opening the door to my truck. He rolled his eyes when I threw him a confused glance. "It's we take your truck to my house to pick up the Volvo or you climb on," he said suggesting I piggyback my way there.

I hopped into the passenger seat, compliant, "You know me so well," I admitted.

"We'll have to drive around La Push," he said revving the Volvo's engine.

"Is that a problem?" I asked.

"Technically, no, but I worry that it will throw you off track. Tell me more about how you know this place."

"I've been near there, I think," I stammered. "I haven't been to a cabin in the woods, but I think I know the stream. Charlie said this place is by a stream. Paul took me out for breakfast once and we-"

The car came to a sudden stop. "I don't know if I can do this,"

"I didn't do anything. It's not like that Edward. Paul was apologizing to me for almost killing me," I said so casually that it shocked even me.

"Did you forgive him?"

"Jacob doesn't trust," I admitted.

"You didn't answer my question and by the way, I don't either," Edward said stone cold. The engine revved again and we were off down the road. "Describe this place some more. I don't know La Push for obvious reasons so I really need your help with this one."

"Like I said, it's a stream and there's a waterfall. The waterfall is what Paul wanted to show me. It's important to him."

"That's good. A stream is easier to track than a cabin. Once we find the stream we'll start traveling south, close to La Push."

Edward accelerated the car. We were winging it down the road that lead from the Cullen's house toward La Push. I dug my nails into palms.

"Bella, try not to make yourself bleed, for my benefit and ultimately yours," Edward asked.

I checked my palms and sure enough I drew blood. My nails were noticeably much longer than I ordinarily kept them. I never found a use for keeping nails long. Aside from not being that feminine myself, I found that nails got in the way of most things, like typing or free time. I closed my hands up tight and Edward opened his window taking deep breathes only when he needed to talk.

Edward drove around the La Push line. I left much of the navigation to him, because I didn't know at what points we'd cross the line. In my head I could see the diner where Paul and I ate. I imaged the trail that led north of La Push to the stream that appeared on the trail to this place that was only a ten minute hike behind Billy's house.

"You said that you ate breakfast. How early was this breakfast?" Edward asked.

"I've already told you that it wasn't like that," I scolded.

"That's not why I'm asking. In fact the less I know about any 'activities' you've participated in while in La Push, the better off I am. I was going to ask if you could remember where the sun was in relation to the horizon."

"Oh," I was ashamed. "We were traveling west. The sun at our backs."

Edward just processed the information silently.

"Nothing's happened Edward. Nothing between me and anyone else."

He swallowed. "I really don't want to know."

"But it hasn't."

"Why aren't you telling me this isn't any of my business and all that, like you do to everyone else?"

"I don't want to see you like this," I frowned and looked down into my clenched hands.

"What, so are you going to report to me when _it _does happen, is that it?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"I dunno."

"You don't know what?"

"I guess I just don't know what to say. I feel so bad."

"Well don't," Edward said shortly then taking an abrupt left turn in the road. "I mean it, don't. I'm mad at myself for ever wanting you to myself because it would have never been like _that _for you and me. I couldn't have been because I wouldn't have changed you and you wouldn't have survived sex."

I looked at Edward aghast.

"Can we change the subject now?" he asked bring the car to a stop.

I kept my lips tightly closed. Edward was out of the car before I could look from the back of my hands and out of the windows of the Volvo to orient myself as to where we were. He opened my car door and took my hand, which I immediately pulled away from him.

"It's okay Bella," Edward said. "The bleeding has stopped."

I turned my hands over to examine the tiny crescent moons from where my nails dug into my palms only to find that they were completely gone, not stopped bleeding, not scabbed, _gone_.

"I told you its okay," Edward said again taking my hand to help me from the car. "I don't think that you need my protection anymore Bella," Edward said with a breathy voice. "But Charlie might."

He closed the door behind me as I stared deeply into my hands waiting for something to happen. Edward just walked off the road and into the woods. There you could barely make out a path. "If this Paul brought you here recently, I might be able to find your path by tracking your scent, oddly enough, it doesn't just wash away like most other scents that are left behind. _It might be a wolf thing," _he whispered. I followed Edward into the woods, nary aware of where I was going.

The night was perfectly still and quiet. It was spring so the night had darkened early and a yellow full moon was climbing its way through the leaves. It wouldn't be long before it made it over the tree line.

Edward could move with such grace and speed, that I knew my nimble attempts through the undergrowth must have been nerve racking. It's not possible for me to walk as silently as Edward without a great amount of effort, which ultimately slowed me down. The tension as we walked was unmaskable. He walked ahead of me the entire way, only occasionally turning around, to make sure that I was keeping up with the pace he set. _Finally_ Edward looked back at me only to find me nearly tip toeing through the woods. "I'm sorry Edward," I said sincerely. He smiled at me realizing that his pressure was foolish. "I'm only human," I smiled back apologetically. I could tell that he felt that my effort was endearing. "I really am sorry. I didn't want-". Edward interrupted me, pushing his hand out toward me to signal me to stop talking, or moving, I wasn't sure of which, so I did both.

"Shhh", he whispered. His rolled his eyes as he thought; contemplating the sounds he listened for. He licked his lips, "we're not far off now." He turned away from me again. "By the way, we're not alone either."

"Yeah, I know, Charlie-".

"Not Charlie," Edward interrupted again. "I know Charlie's scent. This is something new."

"Not Paul?"

"No. I familiarized myself with his scent when he was at my home. I have not been far, whenever that mongrel has been near you."

_Hard feelings much? _"It's not Jacob, either?"

"Nope. Don't think so. It's just different."

"Can you tell if the scent is male or female?"

"To tell the truth Bella, sometimes, but it also may not have any significance at all. The area surrounding La Push has tourists for hiking and fishing. Do worry about it."

My chin wrinkled. I wanted news, good news preferably but anxiety demands a sacrifice and sometimes it comes at the sake of a less than preferred outcome. Then I heard the water in the distance. "Edward!" I forgot to whisper.

"Shhh! Yes. I hear it too. I heard it earlier. Do you know at what point you had contact with the water. Remind me again why you think that Charlie is coming here?"

"Paul found this cabin north of La Push near a small stream. Charlie was meeting up with Paul and some other volunteers, then coming here, I thought."

"You're sure this is the place?"

"No, but I didn't want to risk it. I think that Paul maybe planning something. He's never been much into helping out, always kept to himself, even after his transformation and now suddenly he's super helpful. Charlie says that he's good at what he does but even he doesn't trust him. He told me tonight."

"I trust Charlie's instincts," Edward nodded.

"Charlie doesn't like you."

"We can't all be perfect."

I shook my head at Edward's coyness. "Jake says that he doesn't know anything about Paul before he moved to La Push. He says that he's not from La Push."

"A different reservation maybe?" Edward asked.

"I dunno. All I know is that he and his mom moved to the rez when Jacob was old enough to remember."

"Tell me everything you know about the pack."

"I dunno, would I be considered a spy if I did," I joked

"Bella, seriously," Edward said staring me down. "I want to know what I'm getting myself into here."

_Isn't it a little late for that? _We continued walking and I cleared my throat, "where should I start?"

"How about this, why werewolves?"

That was a complicated question to answer; especially not easy for me for not having the answer. I started by explaining everything I knew from Jake's perspective about the story of the _Cold Ones _and how the Quileutes are descended from wolves. I told him about how the introduction of vampires activates a dormant gene that makes the transformation begin. All theory. "The person gets sick and poof, werewolf."

"Well Paul's a werewolf. Is his mom originally from La Push?" Edward asked.

"I don't know."

"His dad?"

"Sorry," I apologized for not being able to answer these impossible questions.

"It's alright. So Jacob Black remembers Paul and his mother moving to La Push. That doesn't have to have been too long ago, technically. The boy couldn't be much more than twelve."

"Jacob is sixteen," I corrected.

"Yeah and I'm a millennia."

"You will be."

"Dude looks like he takes steroids."

"Enough! He's a friend so stop. He doesn't do this about you."

"Yeah, well Bella, I know the word 'bloodsucker' and 'leech' so don't cover up for them."

"Them? I thought we were talking about Jacob. I don't want this to become a thing. And you're right, Jacob has had problems with you and me," I said indicating that I was talking about mine and Edward's relationship. "Jacob is my friend."

"Whatever you say Bella."

I shook my head. "What is it with you two? I'm just a girl. Since when is there anything special about me? I was a ghost back in Phoenix. I come here and I have supernaturals fighting to get close to me."

"Mike Newton's supernatural too?"

"yeah, he's um ah," I stuttered, "a shape-shifter," I stammered unsure of how Edward would accept my sarcasm.

Edward looked back at me again, with his smile blazing. I smiled back and we continued to walk together quietly until we found the banks of the stream.

"There's no trace of you here Bella. Should we walk further west?"

"How far are we to the line?"

"Not far, over a mile though."

"We weren't far from Jacob's house, not more then 10 minutes. That's about a mile, maybe more. How are we going to find the cabin?"

"I was hoping that we'd pick up a trail either while trying to find the stream or once we'd followed it for awhile."

"Don't you think that if there were water nearby we'd be able to here it?" I questioned, wondering if we'd come to the right place. I couldn't imagine that if this was the right place that Charlie wouldn't be far behind us.

"You said something earlier about a waterfall," Edward contemplated. "That means a change in elevation. What do you think Bella?"

"Think about what?"

"A little cabin in the woods, isolated, near a stream."

"Yeah," I said impatiently.

"I bet it'd be nice to fall asleep listing to the sound of a waterfall."

Suddenly Edward was being sentimental. I nodded once I understood the direction that Edward's thoughts were taking.

"What do you think, south or west?" he asked.

I looked in both directions of the stream.

"The water seems to be low now. It's spring. The water should be higher." Edward remarked.

"Yeah, but Paul told me that he'd been moving rocks from the bed to quicken the stream, so the watered flow faster."

"Your point?"

"We go west. The waters slower this far north because the rocks haven't been dug up yet. If we're in the right place, we should stumble upon it sooner or later. This isn't the right stream"

There were no marked trails, in this area. The scents of the forest were strong. I could smell each individual tree, the earth beneath my feet, the moss and even the stones. A clear night like this was a treat from the typical misty rain of the Olympic peninsula. Despite all of this, wonderful stimulus I trucked on behind Edward, walking closely behind him, paying close attention to where his feet landed, landing my feet in the exact same places. He would frequently stop and listen and I would stop short bashing into his back, not noticing his pause. Several times he corrected my balance with a swift, outreached hand. I never fell. I never felt like I would, but Edward was doing me a favor and he often needed to feel gallant.

"Do you hear that?" I asked when I could hear the branches over our heads moving and shaking as if in a breeze.

"Yeah," Edward said, "I've been hearing that for a while. Whoever it is, I hope it is just curious and then goes on their way," Edward said loud enough, not to be misinterpreted.

"Whoever?" I asked a little stunned.

"Just stick close to me," Edward said flashing a serious look. "We're coming up on something, you see that?" he said pointing straight ahead.

I had spent so much time watching my footsteps that I failed to see the small clearing ahead where the moonlight cast its glow through the tops of the trees onto a tiny makeshift cabin. The place, in the moonlight, looked temporary at best. It was dead silent. There was no one around, except for our curious audience.

"I think I can hear water in the distance," he remarked, looking into the crown of trees over our heads. "A different stream, maybe?" he said smiling.

As we approached the clearing, it was like walking into another time of day. We moved into the moonlight slowly filtered by the firs, now walking side by side. There was no way to see inside the cabin without going in for a closer look but as I moved into the light my skin began to tingle and itch. Creepy crawlies over and under my skin became overwhelming, and I rubbed my arms. Edward was still looking into the trees and didn't take notice to my discomfort. "Are they not gone?" I asked.

"No, Bella. I think that they're aware of my power. It's no accident that they stumbled upon us this night?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because they're thinking in Italian."

"Do you know Italian?"

"Yes, but I mean, they're thinking Italian opera, purposefully not wanting me to know the purpose of their operation. They know me and what I can do."

Anxiety rose up into my throat. The world around me went completely silent minus the heavy beats of my heart.

"Try to stay calm Bella," Edward coxed.

That was easier said then done.

"Because they're here. I assume that they are here for me."

I anxiously looked up into the trees searching for our invisible guests. The moon finally climbed above the canopy and cast light into the clearing unobstructed. Ironically as the world became brighter, I fell into darkness.

Jacob's POV

I was just minding my own business when I heard screaming tear through the silent night in a way I never imagined. What I heard was pain mixed with terror, mixed with pain. I ran as fast as I could in the direction of the cry, which suddenly stopped as quickly as it had started. The trees danced in ever direction, back and forth, like something was running up against them. That figures, I thought to myself. I just want to go home and eat and now I have to investigate some… "_Jacob?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_You hear…?" _It was Sam.

"_Already on my way."_

"_Jake?"_

"_Embry."_

"_What do you say we order pizza?"_

"_What do I say? I'm a flipping werewolf. I don't think that I can even pick up a phone right now."_

"_Later then?"_

"_Whatever."_

"_Jake."_

"_Embry."_

"_You think that you could picture Bella Swan naked again?"_

"_Sigh."_

"_I heard that." _Then he was gone, having phased back into his human self.

I wished everyday that I could get these fools out of my head. I loved having close friends but this was ridiculous. I could hear the sound of Sam in the distance. Sam was fast but I was faster. He couldn't catch me on his best day. I pounded faster against the soft forest ground to pull ahead just to make sure. I wanted to make sure today wasn't a good day either.

"_Don't worry about it Jacob. I'm going to come up on your right flank. Scan the area. Secure it."_

"_Got it."_

My stomach rumbled so I tried to ignore it by focusing on the rhythm of my paws, until I was blown over with a sickeningly sweet smell. I came to about where I thought the screaming had come from. The cry has stopped a few yards out, abruptly. I stopped short, sliding into the earth. I gathered my legs beneath me again and was startled by a low rumbling growl and then there was the screaming again.

I could also hear hissing in the trees. Edward was in the clearing, in front of an abandoned house, practically a lean-to. He was crouched as if ready to attack, me, I thought he would at first but he wasn't looking at me. He didn't know I was there, hunkered down in the brush disguised just outside of the clearing. He didn't know or he didn't care. He just looked up into the trees; his arm outstretched protecting something, or someone. That is when my brain really kicked in. _Bella!_ The only person in the world that that bloodsucker would sacrifice himself for was Bella. His Bella, my Bella. It made no difference at this point when the trees all hissed like stray cats in some filthy alley.

"_This isn't our fight Jacob"._ It was Sam. "_You need to withdraw. Come back to La Push."_

The pull of Sam's order, his command, lowered the adrenaline in my body. I felt my body prepare to retreat but I didn't move.

"_No Sam", _was all I could say. "_This isn't right. There are tons of vamps going up against this one. I don't want these leeches thinking that they can just stomp through my woods". _I was still crouching. Still invisible. The mind reading vamp mumbled words that I didn't understand, another language I supposed. His eyes flashed back and forth, following the movement in the trees above. His eyes settled on me for a second. He knew my mind. _I will help you,_ I shouted with my brain.

"_Jacob, get out of there." _Sam shouted back in my mind.

"_We have a treaty," _I tried to reason.

"_A treaty isn't an alliance, let's go." _Sam argued back.

My muscles loosened with the anticipation of a great run but nonetheless I remained still.

"_You are too emotionally involved to do any good there. This isn't our fight, Jake."_

"_This is my fight," _I corrected back.

The vampire moved so fast for a moment that I almost didn't see what was going on. The grass and undergrowth were tall enough to cover what he was protecting on the ground. Three trees shuttered with the movements of leeches moving from branch to branch. And that is when the screaming started.

Tears nearly welled up into my eyes. I knew the sound that I was hearing, the sound of stretching and transforming flesh and bone. Bella's time had come and each one of us, in our own way, had another of the pack to help us through it. Even Sam had the elders of our tribe who recognized the change that was happening in him. I wasn't going to abandon one of my pack. Soon the screaming would stop and the growling would take over. There were intermittent breaks in her screams as she phased back and forth, as her voice box changed from that of a human to that of a wolf's. The longest break was when the leeches descended. They pounced upon Edward like he was a blood bank. He defended against each attack throwing each vamp with a shuttering crash to the ground. I started to creep forward, Edward's attacker's backs to me. They didn't know I was there. With my teeth ready to take their first ripping bite I stepped forward and a low growl filled the clearing. It wasn't mine.

"_Stay away from him." _I heard. _"Help him. I have to help him. Back off!" _I heard as the growl became louder, deeper.

I took another step forward.

"_I love him." _I was hearing Bella's thoughts. Her sweet soft voice was coming through clearly.

"_Bella!" _I shouted in my head. _"We've got this. Run away!"_ But she didn't run. I crept closer, the sick smell of death wafting my way. I wanted to pounce. I wanted to tear them limb from limb as I know was my purpose, but I was being held at bay by my pack leader. I stayed low in the grass. Edward took a step toward his leech friends, and their hissing increased. Bella took a step from behind Edward and I saw her for the first time.

"No, Bella, don't. Run! Run away now!" the leech begged.

"_I can't let them take you, Edward. I made a mistake." _

_What mistake?_ I thought to myself. But not really to myself, to myself and anyone else in my head even GQ Cold One, playing the hero. I felt disgusted.

_"I don't want to be this thing",_ her thoughts were crying.

With that declaration my heart rose into my chest. She cringed away from the hissing. Everything was still in that moment. Edward wasn't making a sound and my paws were rooted to the ground. In a fragment of a second, as quick as a flash, there were shards of cold white vamp flesh, flying through the air. Bella remained still against the storm. The hissing stopped. Edward returned to his "protect Bella at all cost stance" and all I could do was stay low in the grass. I heard her loud and clear. _"No. No. No. I'm a monster."_

_"Don't take it personally Jacob",_ I heard Sam's voice. _"It's hard for everyone at first."_

"_Get out of my head!" _I heard her scream. I stepped toward her and she winced away. Her thoughts after that were a garbled mess. My heart was breaking. She hated us.

"Bella, wait here," the leech instructed. Might was well have told her to "_stay_". Fool.

"_Jacob to me_", Sam's voice again. The compulsion, whether I wanted to obey or not, came over me. I turned slowly, but I as able to keep Bella in my sights.

"_Bella, to me_", Sam's voice commanded.

"No!" Bella had mastered the mind scream. Bella's foot urged forward, but you could tell she was fighting it. She held her ground.

"_Bella, to me_", Sam commanded again, just as with all of us. No cruelty. Suddenly her head was thrust to the ground. The leech stood over her without a clue. Bella let out a whimper. I knew that he wasn't hurting her but he was making her submit. She was headstrong ordinarily. This was going to take some serious adjustment.

"_Bella. It's okay. Come with me_," I prompted gently.

"_No. I am not going with you"._

Bella's body twitched fighting Sam's command. Bella was fighting a good fight. She couldn't win though.

"_Watch me_" she said defiantly.

"_Bella. To me_." Sam's voice said again. "_To me now_", he said as he forced her muzzle into the ground.

In an instant everything changed. The world became silent. I was pointed in Sam's direction but I continued to watch Bella, silvery white under the moon's light. I couldn't hear her thoughts. I only saw her struggle and then she lifted her head. She lifted her head and looked at me, and then ran away somewhere that I could not follow. "Bella!", I yelled. Over and over.

"_Jacob. To me_." And with that I was off, not that I had a choice. Everything was silent. The leech ran off. After her I suppose. All I could do is run back to the pack. The irony made my brain hurt as my paws came into contact with the ground, the dirt and leaves and moss. Even though Bella was like me, we had never been further apart.


End file.
